#hes like nah fam i am NOT fucking around only to find THAT out

[the-cookie-of-doom]

I watched this through a different platform the first time around and I think the subs were different, but this is hilarious. I love Kim's face journey in this scene. Talking shit to Big about Porsche being his long-lost half brother, immediately realizing the implications of that, and backtracking so fast

[mrs-monaghan]

I just watch Bon Voyage 1. And it gave me clarity on something. Jikook started being sexually active around 2016. Or maybe even before that. Why would you give someone a footsie under the table if you’re not sexually active with each other?

Damn anon. You're just gonna bring this up, no heads up? Okay then.

How do I answer this without getting crucified for delving into their sex lives? 🤔

Whatever. I'm already cancelled.

Disclaimer: this is just what I deduced. Only Jikook know what really transpired.

So due to certain behaviour I am inclined to believe that yes, by 2016 they had gone all the way. Maybe late 2015 (thus my theory for why 8/11/15 is important) or early 2016. Because 2015 we have the 2 things that I linked above, then 2016 we have; like you just pointed out, the crotch footsie and also Osaka Vlive. Oh! And let's not forget Jimin eating a sausage, saying he's a big eater, laughing at reasons only known to him, while looking at the person who was behind the camera. Possibly the owner of the sausage Jimin likes to eat. Idk 🤷🏽‍♀️

2016 was full of sexual tension and innuendos and just... things. I think we can all safely agree by 2016 the going was going. 👉🏽👌🏽

That being said, I think before the going started going, other things were being done way before that. I don't need to clarify obvs. Kissing, heavy petting.... c'mon I'm already saying too much don’t make me say it. O__L. Okay, there i said it.

But the thing is, there are Jikookers who have this thing where they say Jimin waited till 2017 in Tokyo or some shit or they didn't do anything at all before they went all the way. Again, because Jimin was trying to be respectful. Or because being gay is illegal in SK. Or a bunch of other stuff that I'm honestly not sure why they would apply.

Jimin is absolutely the type to feel guilty if he thought he made JK do something he didn't want to do. That much i agree on. But, that would come after the fact. Alright? Teenage boys are the same everywhere. Everywhere. The wind blows in their face too hard they get hard at that age. And now you want me to put my faith in two horny teenage boys, living under the same roof and are attracted to eo??? Nah fam.

I'm not doing that. Regret usually comes later, after the deed has already been done 😂😂

And if the accident was too good it happens again and again and again until you start planning for it and looking forward to it. Maybe by saying you'll be staying late practising the new choreo at the studio? 😌 who knows?

Moving on, we know for sure they had already shagged in 2016 because that is when the push and pull started to happen. This is the example I like to give. When you sleep with your teacher, or with your boss. Right? (By teacher I mean college, please and thank you) Do you know what happens when you fuck your superior? A little respect kind of goes out the window. Suddenly you don't care if you're late for work. You decide not to do your homework just because. Your behaviour changes because you know you can get away with shit now.

And this is exactly what happened with Jikook. Jinmin were reacting to that show JK went on and Jimin was lamenting how JK doesn't listen to him. He complained during the live... and he complained on twitter

He complained some more

And complained again

He was a dog with a bone, couldn't stop complaining

And that wasn't the only time. Eat Jin. That one live where Jikook were misbehaving with those lollypops. Jimin again complains that JK has changed. He doesn't listen to him anymore.

He was smiling... but mans was finding JK's behaviour baffling. He couldn't understand why JK had changed.

Jimin, you let that boy wreck you, he has seen how you look like pliant and at his mercy, begging for the Jungkonda. You did this to yourself. Like a friend said to me, Jimin had made his bed, and he now needed to learn how to lay in it and be comfortable. You chose to give that boy the jibooty, he ain't listening to u 😂

(Sidebar: JK replied "I take it from you" given the topic at hand you can't blame my mind for where it went 😂😂😂😂)

Anyway, it's okay, they worked it out and are now living happily ever after. 😁😁💛💜

So yes anon. By 2016 Jikook were Jikooking. Hard. Pun intended 😏

Bonus.

JK had no emotions....In anything.... Hmm 🤔

Does that sound to anyone else like JK was hitting and quitting or is it just me? Just me? Okay, I'll show myself out. My apologies.

[raayllum]

I love how we are basically opposites on the whole theory thing :

You predict plot points by making jokes that end up coming true

meanwhile me and my overdramatic mind obssesses over dark scenarios that would never fit into 9 episodes and then I'm surprised when they don't happen XD

Listen as long as you're enjoying what you're doing, I say have all the fun you want in fanon and taking insp from canon! That's the best part sometimes! <3

Although I have some things that started out as jokes that ended up being canon (my absolute favourite of which being this joke I made about Ezran in 2x04 that was then an actual thing in the s2 novelization) the weirdest thing for me has been like... the ultra specific thing / things I thought would be more metaphorical that ended up being more literal

AKA a list in no particular order

Me assuming since Through the Moon came out that Callum would inevitably play into Aaravos's hands and that the struggle to not do so would be his main conflict in arc 2 (which looking back, the possession plot line seems so thematically obvious I am genuinely a little sheepish I didn't see it coming)

The game motif being my favourite motif and then s4 fucking Delivered it was beautiful

Viren's atonement arc because of his eye symbolism

That the rune cube placement could be trusted to foreshadow things, specifically the Ocean rune in finding the prison and in foreshadowing Callum's dark magic use

Me going "Hey wouldn't it be Fucked Up if whatever comes out of the cocoon is like a child version of Aaravos?" (hi Sir Sparklepuff my beloved)

For that matter: that Aaravos would ask one of the mage fam to kill Sir Sparklepuff for a deep magic spell, and that they'd refuse to do so

Callum's interplay with freedom being too tethered to Rayla that I banked on her eventually being taken hostage and Callum doing morally ambiguous shit to save her like 3+ years in advance

Seeing Callum's S4 design for the first time and noting that the circlets around his wrists invoke chain symbolism but thinking "Nah him and Rayla being in chains like tarot cards will just be metaphoric right". Haha, no!

Ezran as the embodiment of Justice / the series' Witness (hell yeah thank you 4x03 & TOX for making Justice his highest value)

Predicting Rayla's entire arc 2 arc thus far re: her paranoid and restless nature being what puts them on the path to finding Viren and her wanting a rematch, the coins, and her self worth issues, written March 2020 (months before TTM came out)

Callum and Viren as each other's primary foils (begun before this but started being highlighted further from Nov 2019 onwards with specifically thinking that S4, as opposed to s3, would crank it up to an 11)

Rayla and Callum's whole ass light-dark motif that I thought would be a fun consistency in the background rather than a whole ass arc defining Thing

Characterization wise but Ezran as an Enneagram Nine The Peacemaker personality wise (once again thank u 4x03)

Back in Aug 2021 I noticed that bloodbending had thematic similarities to dark magic (in terms of framing, notions of control & agency) but again, didn't think it'd amount to literal likewise puppeteering (Aaravos is/was even imprisoned like Hama too!)

Seeing parallels between dark magic and thematic/metaphorical cannibalism / positing Aaravos as a cannibal in a fic I wrote in 2019 but never ever thinking it'd be more than metaphorical bc kids show, am I right? (when I tell you I screamed)

Like 3 weeks post s3 I came up with Political Trio Theory in which Ezran and Rayla are at odds about something and Callum is caught in the middle, as he agrees more with Rayla but feels like he should side more with Ezran, which an Ezran / trio centric conflict along those lines seems to be what we're going to get personally with Runaan / the coins in future seasons

Which, not only is it mostly to keep my English major-y brain sharp and my enclosure enriched (parallels are my perpetual hamster wheel), but it's also like... obviously predicting from theme/motifs isn't perfect, but it does mean you have all the right pieces. Then it just comes from running through the options to assemble what the puzzle might look like, & also thinking through the constraints of structure and run time (ergo I wasn't surprised when Callum didn't figure out the mirror himself in early S4 cause I just didn't think the show would have time for that kind of slow build).

Like following S2 I never really thought Callum's journey with dark magic was precisely over, firstly because I saw him absolutely as someone who would do dark magic / things he morally is against again if put in the exact circumstances he was in S5 (hence the CHET predictions post up above), but also because as our primary mage character and with dark magic being the core ethical dilemma for mage characters in the show, it just didn't make sense to assume that it'd be entirely resolved with a neat little bow 2/6 (since at the time we thought it'd be 6 seasons) in. Like - what? So that's something from an analytical standpoint of characterization, theme, and structure, for example, and TDP gives us a decent amount of time to get used to all those things especially in the first three seasons and then we can kind of build our predictions neatly from there.

So what usually happens is that I'll have a passing thought / gut reaction, think "huh maybe it's something," and then actually think about it for like 2 days to 2 weeks and realize that it loops back in with a lot of other stray thoughts and that there's something Substantial there. It never stops being wild

Anyway this was definitely way too long a response so TLDR; I'm always pleasantly surprised / excited whenever I predict anything correctly and also adore when the show throws me a curve ball (hi Terry <3), and the fun of theorizing (and sometimes throwing spaghetti at the wall) for me comes down to the themes and parallels and fun (fanon if nothing else) possibilities I can find. I love writing meta, speculative or purely analytical, even if/when they're often time consuming. My instincts haven't steered me too 'wrong' with TDP thus far, and I don't think they ever will!

[tokuteasings]

hiii, can i request dating hiiro headcanons? (yes i was the anon who asked if you do x reader for hiiro 😌) i am in NEED of x reader stuff in the tokusatsu fandom

Dude. Dude. Hiiro? Sweet baby boi

I gotchu bc I do not talk about exaid enough on this damn blog and Hiiro needs love too~!

Warnings; Spoilers, I miss Saki lol, and general angst bc I love inflicting it on people <3

Dating Hiiro is this strange experiences not really...tiptoeing around things but more so words left unsaid because you two are not sure how to approach them. There's way to do them and Hiiro is an all around considerate partner but it's gonna take a looong time before this man is comfortable with dating someone again after what the hell happened with Saki. It's a very slow crossing over this line between colleagues then friends then lovers because he isn't sure how to do it properly. It's a miracle Saki decided to date him and Hiiro learning to love again is a trek in itself. Patience is key with a man like him, and he'll appreciate you all the more for it.

On that note of Saki, arguments are....odd. There's still some lingering tension from Saki and it's going to take time for him to get over her. But he's learning and if you two disagree about something, Hiiro has learned to approach the subject carefully and honestly. He's a lot more upfront with you and is more keen to spend more time with you and he wants to find solutions that will not just end with you both feeling upset or unsatisfied. He's...not letting what happened with Saki ever happen again. Nope. Not here. Not now. All he asks is for patience and an open mind to work things out.

He eats a lot of sweet things and he isn't the biggest fan of them, but eats them in Saki's memory. Sometimes dates consist of going to new bakeries and cafes to try out things, or to places that are much more healthy. Hiiro takes great care of his health despite his copious amounts of sugar but one of his love languages is food in general. He's a decent cook, simple and healthy meals are common things he makes and gives to you but while he's out and about, he spots places he knows you'll like. He memorizes your likes and dislikes and makes mental notes of everything he happens to see you eat and enjoy. If you show up to work with the same gesture of giving him food, he'll flush and mumble out this small, "Thank you." before going to eat it in private so no one can see and make fun of him. He would rather go on a lunch date with you instead, as your presence calms him.

PDA doesn't fucking exist. To someone like Hiiro, his love language is very much elsewhere. But it's kind of difficult for him to be affectionate in public. He will hold your hand but there's no chance for any fucking cheek kisses. Nah fam. Nones. But really, Hiiro is super content with simple hand holding. In private it's a lot more different because he prefers being alone with you. He's comfortable around other people, yes, but there's this rawness in him whenever you two are alone. These walls that finally leave his body and his shoulders droop and this light returns to his eyes as he presses a kiss to your cheek and tells you things only meant for your ears alone...

Actually, his love language is time spent, gift giving, and words in private. Of course, Hiiro wants to spend as much time as he can with you. He's not going to let you disappear from his side anytime soon. As mentioned before, gift giving is something Hiiro does but it's not expensive gifts or anything but more meaningful little things that made him think of you. Food is the item given to you the most. The words on the other hand are meant for you and you alone. Sure he'll whisper to you that he loves you in public but it's different in private. He has his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder and this little murmur of "I love you" passing from his lips that he has been holding back...

Hiiro actually is slowly learning to not hesitate to tell you how much he loves you. He prefers saying it in simple actions more often than not. Those gestures he often does are his way of doing it and he isn't the most vocal person but...but...he just has to let you know. So each time he tells you that he loves you, there's this cute little hint to his cheeks of how much he does love you and adores you. It's so sweet and cute that you can't help but tease him just a smidgen~! And then slam your lips together because why the fuck not? It's so so sooo great to see him flustered and his lips kiss-swollen.

Hiiro doesn't get jealous but more so protective. This is another point of argument between the two of you. He frets over you and is beyond overprotective. Especially if you happen to be a Rider or somehow have danger all around you. It can get heated but Hiiro doesn't mean for it to be. He will try to deescalate and honestly, you know that he cares. He also tends to literally glare at anyone and everyone who looks at you weirdly because you are his and his alone. He tends to put himself between that person and yourself but honestly, it's kinda cute to see him act like this.

Dates with Hiiro are super lowkey. While they mostly consist of going to cafes and bakeries and what not. That is a given but Hiiro also enjoys picnics. Not many people expect it from him but he enjoys eating with you or just simply just existing together. He'll play with your fingers in this endearing manner. He marvels at the difference in your two hands, smooth or rough, dry or silken. Hiiro just simply wants to spend time with you. To soak up the rest of your days no matter what. He wants this, he craves this. Take him away from his work for both of your sakes. Take him out to the roof of the hospital to simply relax and take in the sun and air...just kiss him, let him know that you are there for him. There are times when he has to cancel dates because of the hospital but Hiiro makes it up tenfold no matter what.

Marriage is not an end goal for Hiiro but it's an idea. He's...been mulling over it for a while now actually. The idea of making you his and finally his, because...well...who knows how long you two have for one another? Life is short. Terribly, terribly short. He refuses to let it go to waste. And...and god he wants to be with you. It's this primal need to make sure you two are together for all of time. Hiiro will pop the question after some years of dating, having tested the waters by telling it to you straight, "I want to get married with you. Because I cannot imagine my life without you." and he means it. Every. Single. Word.

Loving Hiiro is bitterness before the sweetness, smoothing out into this salty-sweet sensation of caramel before retreating. Hiiro's love comes in waves that lap at your feet. He shows his love sparingly, adoringly, full-heartedly, and he wants you to know this for as long as he can. You are simply just so damn important to him that it hurts. But it's worth it. Because Hiiro refuses to loose anyone else. Not like this. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. The texts, the little post-it notes, the vocal words of "I love you" will never cease until you two are old and grey.

[safyresky]

I HAVE YET TO GO TO BED SO IT'S STILL TECHNICALLY MARCH 13TH SO WOE, FROSTMAS YEAR THREE BE UPON YE, AO3!

Give it a read on ao3 HERE.

Year Three

After failing to "make amends" over dinner with Jacqueline, Santa Jack visits the other Frosts to extend an "olive branch".

Physically PAINED ME to write--because I 100% essentially rewrote this chapter while prepping it for crossposting--this year because it's the year Jack goes to see the rest of the fam. And man, reading THIS VERSION OF A REUNION, WHERE MTF DIDN'T HAPPEN, AFTER CRYSTAL SPRINGS HAS BEEN FINISHED? I dealt so much psychic damage to myself, oy vey.

Would've been up sooner but we had a BIG EMOTIONS night here at safyresky industries. Eh, what are you gonna do? Bottle it up like these sprites do? FUCK NO! THAT'S HOW YOU FUCK YOURSELF UP! AH!

Word count went from 7k to 12k. I am SO skilled out of control. RIP.

Not sure what to heck a Frostmas is? I got you, boo! Have a summary:

The Twelve Years of Frostmas

Nobody but he and I knew the truth. Jack wasn’t supposed to be Santa; I wasn’t supposed to be Jack Frost. He thought being Santa would fix everything. He was horribly, horribly mistaken. [My take on Jack’s reign as Santa during the Escape Clause. MAJOR OC involvement AND First Person POV from said OC. Finally cross posting THIS behemoth! Enjoy!]

Interested? Take it from the top HERE on ao3! And here on ff dot net, where it is done up to Year 10.

And, of course, take a snippet from Year Three below the cut!

It was a moment before the doors swung open, revealing nobody. Jack frowned, confused. He blinked, peering into the foyer. “Can we help you?” Jack slowly lowered his gaze, taken aback by the new, slightly sassy voice. It was high pitched; gratingly so, almost. His heart skipped a beat when he finally came face to face with the figures that had answered the door. They were a matching pair. A boy and a girl. The boy held one of the doors open; the girl stood beside him, holding the other door open with one hand, the other sitting on her hip. They looked remarkably similar: same facial structure, freckles in all the exact same places along their faces. They were also very much on fire, the boy’s hair burning up, the girl’s hair lit at the ends, sparks cracking as she and the boy stared him down, unblinking. And that was when Jack realized that he was a big brother. AGAIN. Doubly so, in fact. It was the only logical explanation, after all. Twins. On fire twins. With very familiar noses and jawlines under the roundness. And very familiar golden eyes. Seems the next set of kids had finally taken after his father. “Hi,” he said, finally finding his voice. “Hey.” “Sup.” “Who are you?” “Who am I? You don’t know who I am? Actually, I should be asking you that. Both of you.” “Well, we asked you first, so…” the boy shrugged, looking up at Jack perplexed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You don’t know who I am? Really?” They shared a look. “Nah.” “Not a clue.” “The jacket doesn’t give it away? The silly hat?” “Ha. It is a silly hat, isn’t it?” The girl snickered. “What about our faces? We have very similar noses, don’t you. Don’t you think?” “Yours is way more crooked,” the boy pointed out. “Do you get punched a lot? I bet you do.” The girl turned to the boy. “He has a kind of gets punched a lot aura, don’t you think?” The boy ignored her, tilting his head. “Are you supposed to be Santa?” “Yes!” “You don’t look like Santa at all.” “Yeah man. Way too frozie around here,” the girl squinted, gesturing to her chin. “And you’re way too skinny,” said the boy. “I’ve been watching my weight! Way too many cookies, and you know, the holly jolly look just isn’t my thing.” “Too many COOKIES?!?!” “The holly jolly look? Isn’t? your thing? But that’s Santa’s thing. That’s his whole shtick!” “YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY COOKIES! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!”

WHAT INDEED, FIERA! WHAT INDEED.

Down to see how the Frostmas Family Reunion goes? FEAST YOUR EYES HERE!

---

And mind my errors, ehehehe.

I wanted to get this posted tf UP so I whooshed it in there after read through #2, and read through #3 is happening presently, if I manage to make it through without distraction. I started a thing called Frostmas Asides? More on that later, but it has my attention rn, and also I am EMOTIONALLY E X H A U S T ED and may just crawl into bed. Absolutely wildin given my penchants for late nights and that it's only midnight o'clock. Does NOT bode well for CR tomorrow, which is funny bc Time Change had me staying up ALL SORTS OF LATE THIS WEEK! AH!

Anyway, some fun changes abound! What's 🆕 for Y3: 2024 Edition:

Upped Bernard sass (delightfully so I think)

Wrote a whole new set of notes to get a vibe of where everyone actually was at, keeping MTF in mind and how the parents specifically are feeling when it occurs in CS

Added another brief bop into the present, with Jack recounting to Jacqueline where she, of course, interrupts him 🤪🤭

And then hits you with angst 😶

Winter's fierceness was upped; Fiera's anger is apparent, and Fino's general inquisitiveness/unease after it all is more apparent lol

WHOLE ASS ENTIRE NEW SCENE OF BLINTER COMFORTING THE KIDDOS POST JACK'S LEAVE. IT PULLS AT THE HEARTSTRINGS, AND, Y'KNOW, IF YOU'VE READ FROSTMAS UP TO THE MOST RECENT YEAR, MORE HINTS THAT WINTER KNEW ABOUT THE BAD THING ALL ALONG >:)

That takes place in the morning room by the window where Jacqueline waited, but this time Blinter's waiting for her, and it's--they--IT'S POETIC, OKAY??? AH!

I think that's everything. I'm too tired to properly recount??? Despite having this rotating in the head all day, lol. Hmu if you notice any GLARING typos! And enjoy Year Three! >:)

[sharknadoslutt]

Not that I ever wanted to watch it because of the era it plays in, but what was so awful about Star Wars resistance?

Oh Okay this ask got me GOING so Welcome to my Tedtalk on my feelings on Star Wars Resistance; a story of Disappointment.

So Mr. Dave Filoni, the story telling Prince, left the show like halfway through production of the first season for other projects (For TCW season 7 and The Mandalorian). This left what was a promising show with characters Dave himself had created, in the hands of very inexperienced story board artist and writers. Personally, I think they panicked and half assed it so that Disney could make money on toys. Because.. idk. It just doesn't even come close to the emotional story arcs that TCW and Rebels gave us. and that's what Star Wars is supposed to be about. Changing for the better. Hope or some shit, am I right?

What was most disappointing in my opinion.. is that the protagonist, Kazudo Xiono, is UNBEARABLE. He is the EMBODIEMENT of privilege. This punk has had everything handed down to him from the moment he was born. He was born like 14 years after the Empire has been brought down and the New Republic reigns, so he has never known war. AND HIS DADDY IS THE SENATOR OF HOSNIAN PRIME FOR FUCKS SAKE! THE CAPITOL????? WHERE THE SENATE IS???? YOU KNOW HOW RICH THAT MUST MAKE HIs FaMiLY??? His dad literally gives him an allowance even though he is a grown ass man in the military when the show starts.

To put things into perspective for those not up to date on Sequel Era Lore and I envy you greatly tbh bcs not to be that person i do not like the sequels that's the equivalent of being the Senator of Coruscant in the Prequels!!!!

Not to mention he is a BUMBLING idiot. Like. This man has ADHD on steroids. As a person with ADHD it's.. lord, it's cringe. He is clumsy. He is loud. He says inappropriate things at the wrong time. He doesn't know how to do anything for himself. AND HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SPY FOR THE RESISTANCE UNDER COVER AS A MECHANIC???? HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT MECHANICS and really doesn't really learn anything about it by the time the show ends. And don't come at me saying this is a kids show so I cant complain about things being silly bcs I'm not the target audience. I can and I will bcs no one was NEARLY this obnoxious in TCW or Rebels. Kaz is Jarjar Level, but I ACTUALLY LIKE JARJAR!

DUDE IS A DAMN SPY HE DOESNT EVEN LIKE GO BY AN ALLIAS!!! HE DEADASS USES HIS REAL FULL NAME. BCS KAZ IS AN IDIOT.

I'm not saying he isn't a good person. Kaz is very sweet tbh. He's just an unknowing spoiled ass man-child who NEVER REALLY DEVELOPS INTO ANYTHING ELSE?????

It would be okay if he entered the show like this and exited a more mature, capable man. But he really doesn't. There are never any consequences for his actions. Ever. Other than when he becomes a spy and, again, IS USING HIS REAL LEGAL NAME as a spy for the Resistance... to avoid a scandal and to scold him for LITERALLY DESERTING THE NAVY his daddy cuts him off from his allowance. So instead of half assing his cover job as a mechanic, Kaz has to actually apply himself so he can make money for food. He doesn't improve much. His co-workers (Who are MUCH more interesting than him) constantly complain about him messing things up and making their jobs more difficult.

Man, FUCK KAZ. MY HOMIES HATE KAZ. BEING HOT CAN ONLY GET YOU SO FAR!!!!!

At the Season one finale there is a moment where you think he is finally going to grow as a man! Grow into the protagonist we deserve! Tragedy, for the first time in his life, strikes Kaz! It's during the events of episode 7, when The First Order blows up Hosnian Prime. His home planet. Where his FATHER LIVES. He has a moment of humanity and he is devastated. He almost cries. But he sucks it up to finish the mission and get his friends off base for their safety. He is a man now. and the audience feels a sense of comradery for Kaz. After all, Star Wars is about Fathers. Kaz has lost his father forever. His father was KILLED by the First Order. He now, first hand, has experienced real loss for the first time and this is going to help him grow and toughen up. he has to live on his own now. Our hero has a reason to be doing what he's doing. Fighting against the first order.

BUT NAH. FAM. then the very next fucking EPISODE YOU FIND OUT HIS DAD IS FUCKING ALIVE AND THAT HE DIDNT ACTUALLY EXPEIRENCE THE LOSS THAT HE HAD THOUGHT, AND HE GOES RIGHT BACK TO BEING HIS GOOFY ASS CHILDISH SELF. NO. I HATED THAT. THERE WAS NO REASON FOR GROWTH. MAN FUCK RESISTANCE.

FUCK. IF ANYONE DESERVED THEIR FATHER TO LIVE THROUGH A DAMN PLANETORY DESTRUCTION IT WAS MY GIRL LEIA, NOT FUCKING KAZUDO THE CLOWN XIONO. FUCK. guys I'm sorry I just really hate this god damn character.

Like. Lemme break it down, folks.

TCW started and Ahsoka enters. I HATED Ahsoka for a long time. Bcs she was young, cocky and annoying. But that was on purpose. Narratively, she experiences loss, she experiences pain and GROws as a character while navigating her Jedi life during the war. Our girl grows into the capable protagonist that we EXPECT out of a Star Wars story.

Same for Rebels. We meet Ezra, and he's not quite as annoying as Ahsoka was at first in my opinion (I cannot stress how much I did not care for Ahsoka yall) but he was young. He was childish. But he was more capable at 14 than fucking Kaz was at 20. By the end of Rebels, not only is he more wise and capable, but he is selfless. He has found his own path and it's only because of what he has gone through. His journey has made him stronger. Ezra is my favorite Star Wars journey, if I'm being honest. He is the perfect example of character development.

KAZUDO XIONO ENTERS SEASON ONE AS A 20 YEAR OLD MAN-CHILD USING DADDY'S MONEY WHO IS LOUD AND DOESNT KNOW WHEN THE STFU... AND EXITS THE FINALE... AS A LOUD MAN-CHILD WHO CAN NOW USE TOOLS. He doesn't' experience REAL FAMILIAL loss. He doesn't really experience a lot of character development at all. Things just happen around him, he helps, but he doesn't learn. He doesn't grow. I fucking hate that.

Literally every single character in the show BESIDEs Kaz is more interesting than him. and EXPEIRENCE CHARACTER GROWTH!!!

Jarek Yeager, Kaz's boss in the mechanic shop, was in the Rebellion and LOST HIS FAMILY. He is a sexy ass man too. HE starts the show not wanting to help the Resistance at all bcs he's experienced loss since his days in the Rebellion, and his heart is hard and he's comfortable. By the end of the show he is risking not just his career, but his VERY LIFE to help the Resistance.

Tam Ryvora, Kaz's co-worker. Daughter figure to Yeager and a total bad ass woman of color. She is the one on the show who experiences the most character development and struggles to find her identity while the First Order is taking over the galaxy. I LOVE her.

There are these 2 kids who are force sensitive and orphaned after Kylo Ren comits GENOCIDE on their planet. This arc set up is never fully addressed nor does it have a conclusion, like most story arcs on this show tbh.

There's a literal witch for some reason??

There's this fucking rad ass sexy Mirilian Pirate girl named Synara who FOR SOME REASON is suggested to be Kaz's love interest. Gross. Girl, you gay. Move in.

I could go on and on and on. But I wont. Fuck this show. Fuck Kaz. It literally adds NOTHING to the bigger Star Wars lore. TCW and Rebels do this beautifully and this show is a hot mess of ideas and characters that never come to a satisfying story telling conclusion.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk, dont watch Resistance.

[taecalikook]

(Not) Just Friends

summary : Befriending the fuckboy with devilishly handsome face and emotional capacity of a pea is not exactly your choice, especially when you met him when you were in fifth grade, attracted for the unhealthy vermillion shaded face of the nerd he was that fateful day. So is Jungkook, as he is already putting strictly platonic label on your forehead and calls it a day. But it is only a matter of time before everything changes, and it only takes a frat party, lots of booze and... a certain Kim Seokjin.

{friends to lovers! au, fuckboy! au, fratboy! au}

pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (side kim seokjin)

genre : major fluff, a sprinkle of angst and borderline crack

word count : 24.612 (one-shot)

==============

“Hi, pumpkin! Is that for me?”

You were just sipping on your morning espresso, sitting in your favorite coffee shop while reading your favorite book of all time when the familiar annoying voice of your childhood best friend rang in your ear. You look up, finding the hateful smirk on his lips that you desperately want to strangle off of him, more for interrupting your sacred solitude morning routine—well not really solitude since you did promise him breakfast before class today. But as per usual, he just had to steal the glass you had in your grasps, sipping on the tasteful liquid while scrunching his eyebrows on your choice of reads.

“Isn’t it too early for The Great Gatsby in such a wonderful morning?”

“Isn’t it getting too old for you to keep drinking my coffee?” You bite back in the same bratty manner he displays. Jungkook chuckles, resting the cup back with a slight grimace. Probably because the coffee is tad too bitter for a sweet-crazed tooth like him. “You don’t even like espresso. I don’t even know why you always want a taste of my coffee.”

“Nah, I just want to mess with you fam.” He smirks, the bitterness still leaving a mark on his taste buds. Serve him right, you roll your eyes and try to center your attention back to your book. This idiot really knows no boundaries when it comes to you, you swear to God.

You and Jungkook have been best friends since both of you were kids. As cliché as it sounds, you met Jungkook when he was a total nerd in fifth grade of elementary school. He perfectly embraces the nerd stereotype at that time, thick ass glasses, braces, carrying books and his neon green nintendo nearly everywhere. You were not really interested in befriending the nerd, but when he got shamed by the cool girls for giving them chocolates for Valentine's Day—an expensive chocolate, for anyone keeping notes—you quickly stepped in when it seemed like it went overboard. 

Jungkook was bullied in the middle of the school yard with everyone to witness, for giving the girl he likes a chocolate on fucking Valentine’s Day. You noticed how ashamed he was—lips quivering, heads hanging low and the most distinctive feature is his cheek and ears, literally turning to the shade of vermillion. You did not know whether it is healthy for a face to be that red—you were terrified he might pass out—but yet those girls were still keen on mocking his sincere acts and his shy expression, not showing a sign to stop anytime soon.

Your consciousness literally forced you to step in, jumping on between them and literally yell at those girls. You forcefully stole the chocolate from one of the girls' grasp, eating them on the spot and shouted in irritation, “Done! I ate everything, so stop bullying him. You girls should be ashamed of yourself, he did nothing wrong!”

The imbecile girls were embarrassed, because their show was immediately stopped by an unpopular girl they never saw before in front of the whole school to see. One girl who seemed to be like the leader of the lunatic gang suddenly moved forward and pushed you until you fell on your back, and you know that was it. You seriously had been waiting to use your taekwondo skills for a better cause, and at that time, you saw the chance and took it whole-heartedly. You were not even using your full strength on her—you mostly used your defense technique when she was giving multiple amateur punches. You really lost everything when she grabbed your hair and pulled it hard (like most amateur girls would fight). The pain on your scalp hurt from the vicious pull, so you mildly used the front kick technique on her to push her away yet she easily fell down like a limp noodle, scraping her body with a small amount of the blood trickling out.

After the fight ensued and was broken off by one of the teachers, you and the crying girl were taken to the headmaster’s office. You were going to be punished severely, but fortunately some witnesses came to your rescue, you and the girl received punishment of detention for one month straight. Somehow, the spoiled annoying girl got out of the punishment with her parents persuasion, yet not really the same for your strict parents. They were furious for you to be punished for a physical fight in school that they directly cut you from your twice-a-week taekwondo classes you loved so much—thinking that it must be a bad influence for you. Not only that, you were also grounded and was forbidden to go out of the house for a month. You were devastated, but you know there was no way to change their minds, so you just sucked it up and promised to do your punishment well.

Day one of your punishment, you were sitting inside the detention class, the teacher was zooming off on the table with a documentary of Helen Keller played on the television. You were doodling on the back of your book in boredom. Suddenly, amongst the silence, a hush was heard in front of you, whispering your name. You shifted your head, finding the same boy directly on the table in front of you.You must absolutely did not expect it to be him—the nerd you saved from raging selfishness of the slow-minded girls.

“Hi... I got into detention to accompany you...” 

You inspected the boys with scrunched eyebrows in confusion. He somehow was still with the vermillion shade of red coloring his supple cheeks, just like last week when you were defending him. Is he... sick? He better be not, cause if he were, you were going to regret not setting the girl straight a little bit harder. The adamant despise towards injustice firing inside you was ignited by the lesson you always received from your taekwondo class, how you always must use your strength for goodness. Yes, you indeed will be missing going to Taekwondo classes. 

Realizing your mind had been anywhere but here, you straightened in your seat and tilted your head in confusion at the guy. “Are you okay? You look so… red.”

The boy quickly hid his cheeks with his palm, eyes not meeting yours out of shyness. It looked like he wanted the world to swallow him firsthand. “I—I’m sorry! I just have this weird physical habit of turning super red whenever I'm shy or angry..” He whispered, nibbling on his lips while still avoiding your eyes. “I hope I don’t make you uncomfortable..”

“Nope.” You answered with a loud pop on the last ‘p’, sending the boy a warm smile. “It doesn’t bother me in any way. You should not be ashamed of that. That’s cute.”

Well if you thought his face was already red, you could not imagine how more red it could turn into after you called him cute. Out of panic, you swiftly handed him the cold drinks sitting on your desk. “H—hey! You are too red, it is not possible. Put this on your face!”

After a few seconds he spent pushing the cold bottle to his face, you could finally see him breath again. You were unable to hold a smile looking at the boy, huffing his breath repeatedly to calm himself. You did sincerely find him cute, so different from the boys from your school who somehow really got on your nerves from constantly bragging about nearly everything. Their expensive belongings, their parent’s house, their ability to play sports, and it sickened you. Well you didn't really know the boy in front of you, but it seemed like he wasn’t the type to. You were prepared to drop him the second a cocky symptoms were found though, even if internally you wish he wouldn’t. You spared so much of your effort to take on the guy’s side, such a waste to do that on another thick-headed prick.

“I just realize I don’t know your name.” You suddenly thought to yourself after multiple times addressing him as ‘the nerd’ or ‘this boy’. He was just giving your drinks back to your desk, and then he shyly put out his hands to you.

“Hi.. My name is Jungkook. I am ten years old, and I came from Busan. I have one brother and one dog. My hobby is playing games and taking a bath! Nice to meet you!”

You really were going to burst into laughter, but then you detect the teacher was already woken up and shooting looks at the both of you for causing such a loud commotion. You bit your lips, holding any sound from coming out fervently, your eyes trained on your desk so you would be able to hold them back. Inside, you were glad that you saved this boy the other day. This boy was too pure and kind for his own good, and you were happy that you stood for him.

Well, that was all too long in the past, you nearly had a hard time remembering it. Now Jungkook has changed, 180 degrees from that cute, shy, vermillion shade faced boy you met in elementary school. After an agonizing ten years has passed, he went from a total innocent sweetheart, such a cutie to the annoying ass of a fuckboy jock he is today. What a shame to witness the degradation, you thought to yourself. But you did know when and where it went wrong—he was just too tired of being taken too much of an advantage by despicable people around him. The friend he befriended, his chemistry lab partner in middle school, his classmates and especially the girl he dated in high school. He hated it—he hated everything that happened to him when he was trying to be the nice guy for everyone. 

So in the last year of high school—after the bad breakup with the said girlfriend—he changed everything, nearly everything until it's even hard for you to recognize him sometimes. He swore off dating and romances, he went twelve hours per week to the gym and the school’s football team, attended parties days and nights before fucking random girls, and did the bare minimum in his education due to the shift of focus. But still even by then (actually, even until today), one and only person he would always listen to was you. 

When he failed one of his subjects in the last term of high school—and seemed completely unbothered by it, you were furious at him and refused to communicate in any way to him until he got his priorities straight. He tried contacting you, but you rejected at the first beep. He waited for you in front of your class but you quickly shove him with hurtful words his way, “You stop being yourself, Jungkook. I don’t even know you anymore.” and you meant every word. You missed your best friend, you missed his innocence and availability for you, and frankly, you also had enough of hearing about how charming he was, or how good he was in bed, talked in hush by your obnoxious girls in your classes. 

Few days later, you were already resting in your house while reading a book and listening to the droplets of the heavy rain knocking down on your roof, until a hesitant knock was heard on the door. You shuffled to open the door to find, was expecting your brother coming home from college, but instead found Jungkook, drenched in front of your porch with the remedial sheet on his hand—written that he passed the said subject with flying colors. You were surprised that he even got the chance to fix his grade, but after telling you he needed to do a fifty page review of the economic systems around the world to even got the chance to remedial test, you did realize how much he put an effort to pass a subject he didn’t even like. Somehow, it resulted in more happiness on you than you thought it would be. You couldn’t deny you were already contemplating whether you were too harsh or nosy on him, or he would just drop you the second you push him away. You were on the edge, imagining that you would lose a best friend because of your annoying attitude and peskiness. But he came through.

After welcoming Jungkook to take a bath and wear your brother’s clothes, you offered him a glass of hot chocolate, his favorite drink. But you noticed that he was still pouting, so you questioned it. “I am thankful that you knocked some sense into me, but Y/N, don’t ever ignore me like that again…” Jungkook’s pout turned deeper, his knuckles pushing your forehead in annoyance. 

“You are the last person who I ever wanted to turn against me.” He whispered after seconds of silence of just staring at each other, eyes turning gleam that knocked some guilt inside your chest. You nodded silently, promising that you would not do that kind of antics again.

You remember that day like the back of your hand—after a long time, you see how vermillion-shaded his face has returned after telling you how thankful he was for your presence as his best friend during the past ten years, and your straight-up attitude that set him straight during his weak times. He cried that day, telling you how hard everything was for him. Behind those strong facade and muscle, you realized he was still the innocent, vulnerable nerd with a vermillion-shaded face you met ten years ago. You missed those innocence he finally displayed, and it brought you back to times when it was just you and him against the world. 

Even after that day Jungkook still continues all his fuckboy ways, and until now after both of you went to the same university. He is taking an industrial engineering major while you were doing your life-long dream of taking political science, both of your faculties are located near each other. Jungkook was still being the same Jungkook he was, he joined the football team and brother frat in college, filled with dumb rich jocks who held parties nearly twice a week. After getting few drinks in the party, he would fall into meaningless sex with the girl he just knew before. Not that you mind, you have been way too accustomed in having such a best friend and it doesn’t even bother you anymore.

But still, you were confused how Jungkook is able to maintain his life together—his studies, his jock practices and his fuckboy activities in parallel. You have no objection at all for his life choices—since he never leaves you out and schedules a breakfast or lunch minimal twice per week with you to update you on what he was doing with his life and likewise. Not even counting the times he would get you from your apartment if you have the same morning class like today. By what you hear from him, it really seems like he is holding up just well. Good for him.

“Hey, stop ignoring me, you ugly ass hoe!”

You wake up from your long flashbacks, since you notice that you have been zooming out for quite a while now. You clear your throat, sipping on the coffee that has turned cold, sending apologies for not paying attention to him. “Sorry. I was distracted. You were saying?”

Jungkook frowns, his eyes squinted on you, and you know what he was doing. He was trying to diagnose your silence. You roll your eyes at his nosy acts. “Stop looking at me like that! I said I was sorry, Jungkook. Now tell me what’s bothering you. This girl you fucked with before, did she still try to contact you again?”

“I wasn’t telling you about that!” Jungkook raises his voice, his face slightly reddening out of shyness for you mentioning his bad experience on one of his one night stands. Looking at him, you are reminded about the vermillion-faced Jungkook you met in elementary school. Oh how you miss those reddening supple cheeks of his. “I was telling you if you are going to Hoseok’s birthday party this weekend. It’s gonna be lit, I swear! He is holding it in his fancy ass house with a pool and whatever.” You snort, your eyes trailing back on your books even if you are not reading at all. You just want to ignore him, implicitly telling how silly his invitation was. Parties are never your forte, you feel mildly uncomfortable in such a short distance with tons of strangers. You’d rather reread this book you are holding for the nth time already, you swear.

“Y/N, you could even meet boys there, I know how saintly you have been living lately. Live a little, pumpkin! I swear you’ll enjoy it there.” Still you don’t budge on him.

“Kim Seokjin is gonna be there, though. You sure you won’t come?”

Listening to his name, your ears perk up, eyes slightly glancing up to him. Seokjin is one of Jungkook’s frat brothers, a final year who surely does not share the same ugly traits of the other brother. He is smart, ambitious in his study, and is also the head of the Taekwondo university club. Your deep interest in Taekwondo has driven you to see him in multiple universities and external competitions, and you cannot bear yourself but to swoon over him and his rightful acts. Even if you surely do not have the courage to directly introduce yourself to him, you have been thinking a lot about joining the club with pure—well not really pure motivation. You are also unable to emphasize more that he is really one of the kindest souls out there. He is known as very helpful to everyone, joining as a volunteer in various social and environmental movements. You also heard that he had a serious relationship for five years, in which they had to break up a year ago because the girl had to move to America to pursue her study and decide to break up with him. What a doofus.

You notice the cocky, winning triumph on Jungkook’s face realizing how affected you are by the name, but you’ll set aside your will to erase the annoying smirk off of his face just to get more information out of him. “Continue.”

“He is best friends with Hoseok. I know he is not really a party type—you probably know that better than I do—but this one's for his friend's birthday party. He’ll come.” Jungkook says, munching on the served american breakfast in front of him. “You can finally meet him, probably say hi and then bone him while you’re at it. You get me?” Jungkook wickedly smiles, eyebrows dancing on his temple and you roll your eyes in response. You have such an obnoxious dickhead as a friend, and whose fault is it? Yours, of course.

“I hate you so much, Jungkook. Do you know that?” You gave him a cynical smile, and he returned it with the same bland taste, biting on the last piece of bacon. 

“Can.. Can I bring Lia too?” You hesitantly asked, biting on your lips. Jungkook’s chewing movement is slowing, an uncomfortable silence ensues.

Lia is your apartment roommate, a cute girl with the same major as yours. Short height, big round eyes and straight hair are her noticeable features, and what troubles Jungkook for Lia’s presence in your discussions, is her uncanny resemblance to his high school ex girlfriend. Her similar name, her looks, her height, her choice of outfit and nearly everything, reminded him of the girl he has been trying to forget. You were surprised while meeting her too at first, but you did not realize how the resemblance would bother Jungkook that much. Well probably, Jungkook was still trying to forget about her—hell, this whole new persona of his was founded by his heartbreak towards the bitter-ended relationship.

You remember how head over heels was Jungkook towards his ex-girlfriend. Whenever he is around her, or just thinking about her when she was brought up in your discussions, Jungkook would again turn vermillion in shyness for his adoration of the girl. He would waste hours, with all his power and wealth to make the girl happy—without telling you at that time about how much he spent for her, since he knew how fervently you would react to that—and content with the relationship they both shared. But none could prepare him for the inevitable break up, Jungkook found the girl was cheating on him with another older guy, in which he found out who was her source of income too. Jungkook was devastated, heartbroken and that's the turning point when he swore off romances and relationships at all cost. You tried your best in helping him mend the broken pieces caused by the vicious witch of an ex-girlfriend, but you know none of it was the same ever again. What you could and promise to do is to be there for your best friend, at all times.

“It’s—it’s okay. I think I am just overreacting over all of this. I swear.” He sighs, sounding a little bit tired of everything and putting the utensils on his plate. You lean closer, waiting for the continuation of his spoken mind. “I am so fucked up, Y/N. Like, there are so many things that keep reminding me of her. You know how evil she is, and everything she did to me—but I still find myself missing her so much it’s crazy. It’s been nearly two years, but I still think about her—a lot. The girl I was with last night. The girl I met at a party two weeks ago. Your roommate—gosh, i’m so tired.” He sadly groans, hiding his face behind his palm. Oh, how you wish to take away some of the pain he feels.

“I think.. I think you just need to stop pushing it away, Jungkook..” You softly speak, your palm caressing his shoulder to his arm in sympathy. Jungkook let out another sigh, resting his palm over yours, eyes filled with frustration over himself.  “I think the more you are trying to stop thinking about her, the less you are able to overcome it. Just let it go. Confront it. Confront everything that reminds you of her, and tell yourself that you are slowly but surely overcoming the hunch.”

Jungkook silently nods for a while zooming out to the street, until at one point he slowly squints his eyes on you, full of suspicion. You choose to look away, trying to be nonchalant of his suspecting gaze.

“You just want me to allow your friend to go to the party so you will have a companion to meet Seokjin, right?”

Well, you should know you are going to be caught red-handed, but it should not this fast, though. Are you that obvious or it’s just another episode of Jungkook knowing you better than you do? “You know how much I need to meet him, Jungkook! You are my friend, you should help me with this. I need her as my support.” You defend yourself, arms folded in front of your chest in agitation. You are desperately in need of  Lia there, so at least when you embarrass yourself in front of a cheering crowd—or worst, Seokjin himself—you will have support that helps you get into that taxi and drive yourself to the nearest cliff. You won’t even expect Jungkook to be  there for you, he must be off somewhere fucking bimbos and that’s just how less you expect of him.

“Hey, I can be your wingman to score him too! Are you kidding me? I am his kind, I know how to get you to him better than that friend of yours.” Jungkook scrunch his nose in distaste of your doubts about him. You scoff loudly, pushing your cold coffee away so you or Jungkook’s slob trait will not nudge or drop it to pieces mid argument. That surely happened before, and you do not want another dirty look thrown by the waitress at the both of you for causing troubles, yet again.

“Stop kidding me. First, you are not his kind. He is not a fuckboy. And what would happen if I go there with you are first, you missing at twenty minutes mark and off fucking some girl on the upstair bedroom or even worse, in the restroom and I’ll just be foolishly standing in the corner like fucking nerd who miss her literature club meeting with expectation to meet a cute, faithful guy in some dumb frat parties, fell in love and get married to happily ever after. Or second, you ignore the girls thirsting over you to accompany me and just an hour, you off to get a drink and those dumb girls will kidnap me and feed me to the lion. I don’t see any positive scenario over you, accompanying me to the party. No thanks.”

Jungkook is surely bewildered over the scenario you just play out to him. You take a deep breath, realize you have been spitting out so many words in such a short span of time. You are quite proud of that talent, though.

“That’s… strangely detailed.”

You roll your eyes, looking at the watch on your wrist. Only ten minutes left and both of you need to run to the first class.  “We need to get going now. Let’s go, you dumb jock.”

Jungkook sighs, following your step, resting a few bills on the table. “It’s my turn paying now. Let’s go.”

*

“Are you sure you want to wear that?”

Listening to Lia’s queries for the nth time, you sigh and go inside the bathroom to change into your comfy house clothes. You have been trying to find the perfect dress that is the perfect balance of classy and slutty since three hours ago—exactly right after you ran home from your afternoon class. But yet it seems like no dress is right, one makes you look too slutty, or another which makes you like a freaking nun amongst the girl in the party, or another one which make your butt looks massive or one that is too tight you know you can’t even breathe if you wear that to the party. And who are you even kidding? You are putting too much effort for a party that most likely will not even realize you are there. You know that you are not that excessively pretty like some girls that hangout with Seokjin and Jungkook’s frat—yes, you are not far on the other side either, but it’s still a valid point.

“I’m done. I’m just wearing anything to the party and if Seokjin can’t see me, he can kiss my ass. Probably gonna die alone anyway, why do I even try...” Your groan was muffled to the pile of clothes on your bed. Lia hisses at your sudden discouragement, she wakes up and launches a slap on your butt.

“Nuh-uh! You know how important this is to you, Y/N. You gotta try, or you’ll regret it forever!” Lia shakes you again, but you are still groaning against the clothes. Seeing how long this may drag and you still haven’t even done your hair, she has no choice but to drag you from bed until you are thrown on the floor with a loud bump.

“Ah! It hurts!”

“I know it hurts but you’ll be thanking me in the next five years when you are married to Seokjin and pregnant with his third kid.” 

“Now that’s just forward. And delusional. Seokjin is married to me? Seriously, like he even wants to deal with such a mess.” You pout while rubbing on your hurting elbow due to the unexpected fall. Even with such a small frame Lia cages animalistic power it’s unbelievable. “And I don’t even want to get married that fast! I still need to open my restaurant, I haven’t even met Liam Neeson, travel the world—”

“Wait-wait, hold on. Why Liam Neeson?”

“Because he is hot. Like real hot. Have you seen Narnia? That is one god-carved voice, damn! How I wish I could have a man with a voice like Liam. In Taken! He is so hot and protective and do you know that in Star Wars—”

Lia quickly shuts you by throwing a glittery dress to your face, disgust coloring her face. “That’s just borderline daddy kink and I hope you are well aware you are fucking weird.”

You grimace. “No argument here.”

*

9pm, and both you and Lia finally arrive at the large mansion which you recognize must be Hoseok’s. You check the text Jungkook sent this morning about the location’s address once again, quickly scrambling out of the car after muttering thanks to the driver to enter the huge, fancy house. Lia holds you by the waist, giving it a short squeeze of support seeing how jittery you have become since the taxi arrived. “It’s okay. You look beautiful, and Seokjin will be crazy not to see you.”

“Thanks.” You huff a breath, trying to muster a little bit confidence in your steps. It is half-working, you have to admit. 

It’s still early, yet the party is crazy enough you can’t even believe it. Every corner is busy with their own games and activities, the bass blaring in your ear until you’re this close to temporary deafness, and the outside of the house is a large outdoor pool with people laughing and girls with hot bod and bikinis. Just the perfect recipe of the best night everyone will regret—or maybe it’s just you.

You already had your fair share of parties, and you have to admit that it’s not your thing. The free booze, though? Tempting. You are trying to look at the better side of the whole ordeal. Even if you fall short and embarrass yourself in front of your crush, you get the eternal consolation of booze to help you kick the shame away. Nothing screams adult like pushing your problem away with the help of alcohol, right?

You check yourself against the reflection on the nearest mirror to you, restlessness creeping inside your head. Damn, you seriously are just a sack of old potatoes compared to these girls in clad dress and high stilettos which will surely be able to stab and kill someone. You should just pack it up and go home, really.

“Hey! I know that face, Y/N. No! We are not backing down. I did not just spend five hours of your whiny ass complaining what to wear for you to be this defeated without even trying!” Lia quickly pushes you away when you are about to run out the door for your life. You frown, ready to let out some whiny complaints when she pushes your unknowing ass away, right into someone’s arm.

From the countless people inside the freaking party you just had to fall to Seokjin’s arm. God must be joking. 

Looking straight into his beautiful, sparkling eyes, it seems like your mind is completely wiped like new, and you have the trouble of speaking your mind. His warm arms are around your shoulder, keeping you stable on your feet and this might be the nearest you have been to the taste of death.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I think you fell and I just caught you...” Seokjin smiles politely, eyes crinkled into a smile and you are still in the midst of inner conflict of speaking out anything. Out of realization how annoying your act must have been to him, you jumped feets away, desperate to keep a distance. You are really this close to running away, but do not want to be perceived like a total moron especially to him, so you let out a thin, nervous smile. 

“T—thank you for catching me.” You breathily murmur, feeling shy. How can someone not be? God, is he beautiful. His fluffy hair is styled nicely, he is wearing such a simple attire, a blue loose shirt and black denim but damn did he wear it like nobody’s business.

“No problem.” He lightly shakes his head, but a sudden realization comes to his mind as he inches closer to you, eyebrows scrunched together in question. You unconsciously lean further away from him, heart drumming fast in your chest. “I think I’ve seen you before. In my Taekwondo’s match. Right?!”

Never in a million years have you thought that Seokjin might notice—and even remember your face amongst the large crowd, watching him in his battles for your college’s team. You are always hidden, and as plain as ever whenever you watch him from the bleachers, and would run away the second whistle blows signaling the end of the competition. But now he told you he recognizes you?! Gosh, what are the odds. You have never felt so shameful and concious of your own skin before.

“Um… Yes! But you have nothing to worry, I’m not a stalker or anything, I just really like taekwondo and I like watching you—I mean the team!” You shyly correct yourself, internally punishing yourself for the accidental slip. You are such a humiliation and frankly, still too sober for this. What will you trade to forget the encounter never happened and drown yourself in booze in every form—drinks, beer, jelly shots, whatever.

“No! Of course not.” He chuckles, amused like he is really content to see you, nonchalant to how uncomfortable you are with your skin right now. You feel like a doofus, making a fool of yourself. “I really want to talk to you every time a match is finished, but you always bolt away after, I don’t have the chance to.” Then he dare to fucking winks. “But I’m glad we can finally meet here.” 

You are too confused with every act and word coming out of his mouth—did he just flirt with you?—so your reply is simple, and desperate. “Wow. Sorry, I seriously need a drink right now. Can you hold that thought?”

Seokjin chuckles and nods, his palm hovers over your back, guiding you. “I’ll come with you.” You don’t really know why he has to follow just for you to shortly grab a drink, and then he points to his empty glass. You nod knowingly, trying to focus on the booze bar you are heading to. The bar is crazy extravagant for a frat party, with the bartender pouring mixed drinks on the side. You silently gasp. Damn, Hoseok is really that rich, huh?

He continues with a cheeky smile. “I have been looking forward to talking to you since forever, and you just bolted out. Is it wrong of me to be scared you are going to pull the same trick again?”

Wow, you don’t even know what he means by that, so you let out a nervous chuckle as an answer. It is like you are back to third grade, having your first crush giving you hope by his words and you are busy configuring and overthinking everything like fucking detective conan. But you refuse to get your hopes up, your brain desperately screaming to fill your glass with your favorite whiskey. You offer him the bottle, and he smirks and receives it while purposefully brushing your hand in the process. Fuck Kim Seokjin. What happen to such a polite boy you heard so much about?!

“So, are you going to tell me about yourself?” He smiles, and your finger fidgets in nerve, quickly taking a whole gulp of the alcoholic drink, praying it to quickly intoxicate your mind so you can speak clearly in front of such handsome face. Well, for one booze is the best recipe for you during these times.

“I don’t know what you want to know about me, Seokjin. I’m just an ordinary freshman.” You smile, your teeth grazing your lower lips. But one thing you notice is that Seokjin is silent, his eyes following the movement of your bitten lips like he is completely bothered by it.

“Do you like taekwondo? I see you a lot in the match.” He starts with a simple question, while taking a large portion of his drink down his throat and ending it with a sigh. “When you were watching, you looked like you knew your stuff. It’s TMI, but I can’t help but to find it’s totally, totally hot.”

“So you are watching me watching people during a Taekwondo match?” You bravely shoot, and Seokjin let out a chuckle. You do not know what has gotten on him—or you, even at that point. What you know is that you feel your head is light, but your body is hot and bothered by just looking at him. Seokjin just literally flirts on you and all you wanna do is to jump on him and quench the thirst rubbing in the middle of your thigh.

At the time, you notice that Seokjin is bluntly staring at your lips, his eyes turned dark and heavy with lust, and his face literally inching closer and closer to you. You lick your lips, suddenly finding it hard to swallow. Is it really going to happen? Seokjin somehow, against all odds, finds you hot and that's it—you’re going to kiss him like that? Just how many years of luck do you have to sacrifice for this?

“Seokjin! Here you are. Hoseok is looking for you.”

The strange sexual tension that filled the air between you and Seokjin with your lips just inches away from each other is broken by the dumbest fuck of a best friend, Jeon Jungkook. Seokjin immediately flinches, moving away and you instinctively turn your head, your hands scratching your nape out of shyness. You swear you are going to kill your best friend after this. How dare he interrupt the moment you have been dreaming for such a long time now?!

“Thanks for that, man.” Seokjin hisses, his words dripping with sarcasm and annoyance of your interrupted session. He turns his regretful eyes to you, hands resting on your shoulder, sliding to your wrist affectionately. You do not know whether it’s just you, but your body feels like it is set on fire with his light , feathery touches. He suddenly grabs your hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“I’ll find you later, yeah? Don’t go anywhere.”

You shyly nod, and Seokjin turns his back on both of you and walks further away to the other side of the gigantic house. After his disappearance, you quickly land a hard punch on Jungkook’s arm in agitation.

“You are fucking idiot and I hate you! How dare you interrupt us like that?! We were just about to kiss, you moron!”

Jungkook frowns, rubbing on the spot you just hit. “Hey! I am doing this for your own good. You are certainly going to regret kissing that guy! He is not that good, you’re better off without him.”

You hisses at his lackluster explanation. “I don’t know what crack you are sniffing, Jeon, but you just told me yesterday to attend this party and bone him. And now you’re pulling this shit?!” 

“I know! But I just don’t like it with him. I feel like he’s up to something.” You sigh after listening to his nonsense. Seriously, you can’t believe it. The first time you ever try to flirt and kiss someone you just met, and get a response—from Kim Seokjin, more to emphasize—at a party has to be interrupted by your fuckboy best friend. You have overestimated your luck.

At your sudden silence, Jungkook takes the time to raise his gaze and take in your appearance from head to toe. You are wearing your black sleeveless bodycon dress, the one you once drunkenly bought a year ago and always have been placed on the back of your closet. You compliment your dress with a pair of red heels, fresh from Lia’s closet. Your wavy hair is styled nicely, tied up that exhibits your neck line to the slightest of your collarbone. Your makeup is rather simple, but the red lips is just the perfect end-touch to your appearance today. You are simply beautiful.

“Why are you looking at me like that, you hobo?” You snort when feeling Jungkook’s gaze is too intimidating around your body—you fold your arms protectively on your chest. At your mocking question, Jungkook quickly throws his head somewhere else, sniffling his itchy nose. He seriously needs to catch himself before he erupts and makes a fool out of himself. But one he somehow forgets is that his body is way, way more truthful in speaking his mind than he really is. 

“Hey! How was it? Have you scored Seokjin yet?”

On your side, Lia shuffles with a bottle of beer and a knowing smirk. You sigh, shaking your head mournfully. Your wingman nearly yells.

“Why?! I voluntarily shove you too, back then! I saw you guys are chilling together so I decided to grab something for a sec and now you’re telling me he’s gone and you both did nothing?!”

To answer her question, you just vehemently point Jungkook. “This asshole decided to ruin everything. Just when it is about to happen, Lia! His lips were this close.” You mourn your lost chance, mimicking his lips hovering over yours. Jungkook quickly pushes your hand away from your lips with annoyance, eyebrows scrunched together in disgust. 

“You are creepy, and I am doing this for the sake of my frat brother. He is better off with someone else.” He pouts, his face looking severely annoyed and red. But it’s not just any kind of red. It’s vermillion, just the way you remember it from your elementary school, along with the childish pout on his lips. Ignoring your previous anger at him, you scrutinize his face closely and shift his face side by side with your palm, and he looks completely flustered. What in god’s name is happening?

“Hey, why are you so red, Jungkook? Are you okay?”

At the sudden attention thrown at him, Jungkook’s face just becomes even redder—if it is even possible. Realizing that he is in a very unfortunate situation at the moment, Jungkook quickly racks his brain for any reason to avoid your pesky questions. “I—I just think it’s too hot in here. Don’t you think so?”

“There’s literally four air conditioners in this room, Jungkook. It’s freezing cold in this place. Who the fuck has four ac in just a living room anyway? Damn you, capitalism!” You hissed, unamused with his lies. Jungkook grins, realizing how idiotic he must have sounded. At your last statement, you are suddenly self-conscious about the coldness in the room, rubbing your bare arms to create friction and warmth. He quickly notices your subtle gesture.

“Are you cold? Here, use my jacket.” Jungkook instinctively offers, not even waiting for your answer and unattaching the fabric of his body. At the kind gesture, you are touched as he seems to always understand you without you even need to say a thing. But when you see he is just wearing a body-fit black shirt underneath the denim jacket he was wearing—clearly, that jacket is going to go either way—you immediately snort. That bitch is just asking for an opportunity to flex the unnecessary muscle in front of the girls there, no need for you to feel flattered whatsoever.

“God, you’re both so fuckin domestic and boring. I’m off finding fun somewhere else, don’t wait for me~” Lia coos, walking to the other side of the house along with her bottle of beer. Well, Lia basically knows her ways in and out of frat parties, so you are not worried for her. If somehow Seokjin does not find his way back in thirty minutes, you promise yourself to hitch an uber as fast as you can and bolt out of that shitshow without making a scene. 

As the girl who somehow looks exactly like his ex exits their space, Jungkook reverts his focus back on you. You are busy looking anywhere else but him, your lips clamp on the glass to sip on the beverage. “Aren’t you tired with those heels? Let’s sit somewhere else.” He offers lowly.

You comply either way, somehow feeling a little bit suspicious over Jungkook’s sudden calm demeanor. You know him and how he is at parties. He should not be with you right now, instead joining his dumb jock friends and the girls at the other side playing body shots. This is borderline weird—you don’t want to interrupt him during his fuckboy activities, now both you and Jungkook are seated on the sofa in the corner of the room. 

“Are you okay, Jungkook? You are suspiciously silent.”

Jungkook clears his throat again, but all of a sudden loses all remaining composure when your finger delightfully skims his cheek. “And your face is red. There must be something wrong. The last time I saw you like this was—”

Jungkook knows what you are about to say but decided not to. He decided to ignore your suddenly awkward gesture and answers. “It’s not that, I—I’m just not feeling it tonight.”

You suddenly scoop his fingers and squeeze it lightly. “Is it because I am here? I swear Jungkook, you don’t have to accompany me. I’m perfectly fine on my own, you know it.”

“I want to accompany you.” Jungkook denies, not knowing how to speak his mind in any other way. His gaze is filled with unexpected sincerity, you don’t really know how and why. “I attend these parties, meet these people nearly everyday, Y/N. But they don’t have what we have. And now that you here, of course I would rather be with you.”

You don’t know whether it is the alcohol in your spine or the bass thumping likely on your heart, but you clearly feel something about the words. You feel important. You feel needed. And the way Jungkook looks at you right now? You feel like it’s somehow filled with new, raw emotions you never found on him before. The way his fingers are clasped on you—it’s like he is holding it for dear life. You can not deny that you are mildly confused by the sudden tension between you and Jungkook.

“Here you are, Y/N. I’ve been searching for you.” 

Seokjin is now standing in front of you and Jungkook, his eyes silently trailing on the fingers intertwined with you and your best friend, but refusing to comment. Realizing how awkward the moment must have been for the three of you, you swiftly jump on your feet, cheeks slightly reddening out of shyness while Seokjin still maintains the charming smile on his lips. “Can I take you somewhere else? This party is too loud. Let’s go somewhere quieter.”

“Mmm.. Okay.” You mutter, trying your best not to glance at Jungkook. You want to avoid adding more fuel to the awkwardness—well, you are too emotionally incapable to face whatever emotion you were having with Jungkook just now. He is just a thoughtful best friend, why are you even dwelling on it like it’s something new in your friendship? And being the coward you truly are, you answer the offer of Seokjin’s hand, following him to the outside without glancing even once at Jungkook. Even if all you can think about is him and what the hell just happened.

*

It’s been nearly two weeks, but you have yet to receive any message, or call, or anything from Jungkook. It’s not his fault, though—you could have started a conversation yourself, but you always find yourself hesitating while typing words on your screen. Maybe it’s because Jungkook has mostly been the one to start any conversation, and now nearly two weeks has passed since your last encounter and you have no idea how to start. Idiot.

You are still lounging in your bed, mustering yourself to be brave enough to say anything to Jungkook. When suddenly a message arrives, you are startled, swiftly clicking it open. But seeing the sender, you sigh in disappointment. It’s not Jungkook.

From : Seokjin

Hey, you are coming to the practice, right? [12:40]

Do you want to grab a bite after that? I have this coupon I need to use:) [12:41]

Ah, Seokjin. Since that fateful night in the party, you have been frequently hanging out with him. He is a senior in your department—he is even the assistant for some of your classes—so you do meet frequently. It is weird now that you are acquainted with him, he is everywhere, like literally everywhere. Especially because after that night, he asks you to join the taekwondo club based on your interest and previous experience. And who are you to reject? You like Taekwondo, and you like him. Talking about killing two birds with one stone, right?

But now you feel on the edge nearly all the time because your fuckboy best friend is missing in action. You want to tell him everything, but you feel like you have sinned him greatly for ditching him that night. It’s even hard to find out why! All you know that he might just find another girl to fuck with that night, and both of you know that the only thing in first that invite you to the party is because Seokjin is there—even Jungkook propose you to bone him! You seriously hate yourself for feeling this way.

“Jungkook, you are a complete moron!” You hiss, throw the phone to the desk and dip your face to the pillow.

Okay, new plan. It’s better for you to just meet and confront him directly. So tomorrow after class, you are going to meet him after his 8am, and just point and blame him for ghosting your friendship. Well, he is not ghosting, but that’s not the point! It’s a brilliant plan, yet you find yourself strangely terrified for what is about to happen.

*

Tomorrow morning, you are going to ask Lia to walk to class together, yet you find she is already missing, bed is made and cleaned. It’s weird to see her wake up so early since she is absolutely not a morning person, but you shrug it anyway, expecting to see her in class. Still, even after the professor arrives, you find her regular place beside you is empty. You send her a message, but it is met with no reply. Skipping class is not really rare in her case, so you just silently attend, mind filled with the plan you will execute later on.

After class, as previously planned, you directly head to Jungkook’s faculty. You can remember it vividly, Jungkook’s class for the morning is always running late due to his old as hell professor, who talks extremely slowly and loves to discuss anything but the topic he is supposed to teach, hence your plan. You are going to wait in front of his class, supposedly asking to grab brunch together before accusing him for ignoring you altogether.

But then, what you find while walking on the bridge connecting the two faculties catch you by surprise. It is Lia, talking to a man who's back you easily identify as Jungkook—you can detect those small waist everywhere, hidden cladly in a slim fit dress shirt. Both of them are engaged in serious talk, with Jungkook’s face a little bit tense and Lia’s face looking like she completely had enough.

Lia? And Jungkook? Your eyes must be deceiving you right now.

With all will, you march onto them, and even the fact that they are talking, just the two of them without you is weird enough, they don’t even realize your presence until you are tapping on Jungkook’s shoulder with a suspecting gaze. The moment he finds you, he unconsciously jumps a few steps back with a loud gasp, exactly like whenever he has been caught doing something bad. “Y/N! You’re here!”

“Yes. I was just about to catch you after your class, Jungkook, maybe we can grab a bite together.” The moment you let out those words, you heard Lia snickers and Jungkook immediately throws her a look. 

“Finally. You both should eat together! and I don’t know—maybe be truthful at each other? or anything, I don’t care. I’m out of here.” She walks out, not minding your voice calling out to her. You seriously have zero idea what she means, but Jungkook quickly places his hands on both your shoulders—desperate for your focus, his cheeks now colored in bright shade of red.

“Don’t mind her. Let’s go eat.”

You stop your track against Jungkook’s force of pulling you away, scrutinizing his face closer with a worried gaze. “Jungkook, you are acting weird. And you are sooo red. Are you sure you are okay?”

Jungkook hastily nods, pulling you to the place you both usually grab coffee at, not really far from his faculty. On the way, both of you still fall in silence, and one thing your eyes could focus on is his fingers, tightly intertwined on yours—the same gesture he has been doing for around ten years now. 

Is it weird that now you definitely do not feel nothing from just holding his hands?

*

Both of you are seated on your usual spot—near the window inside the coffee shop, right after ordering. “So. Are you going to tell me where you have been these past two weeks?” You questions, sipping on your usual choice of espresso. Jungkook grimaces, his fingers clasping against each other nervously. Not that he expects you to beat around the bush.

“I am just kinda busy. With practice and studying.” He silently answers, eyes still not looking anywhere else but you. And what kind of best friend are you not to notice that?

You nod cryptically, decide against pushing it.  Even though skeptic, what he said does seems plausible. “So, what’s up?’

“Just the regular.”

Your left eyebrows raise. “No news on your fuckboy conquest of one night stands?”

Jungkook eyebrows scrunched. “You’re disgusting.”

You are baffled at that. “What?! I am disgusting? Jungkook, you have been explicitly telling me stories about these girls you sleep with for already two years now. What are you, playing coy?“

Jungkook sighs tiredly. Instead of answering, he reaches for your glass of espresso, sipping it before wincing due to the bitterness—like a fucking moron doing his usual thing. It seems already too familiar, so you just shrug it and focus on the initial topic instead. “I just… I haven’t been sleeping with anyone these past two weeks, okay?”

You send him a cryptic look, and Jungkook complains in frustration. “I am not lying! I am not an animal, okay? I am tired sometimes, and I am allowed to not do that anymore.”

“Jungkook, there is no way you are not going to parties and not sleeping with these girls. You have been doing these for two years. What gives?” You push, as you know there must be something he is hiding from you. Jungkook sighs, looking at you with a gaze filled with strange emotions.

“I—I haven’t been to parties too. Look, I am just not feeling it, okay? I just.. I just needed a break.”

Looking at Jungkook, it is difficult to even imagine him not doing all his usual popular jock activities. And now he told you he hasn’t been to parties for two weeks? It’s really unlike him. He hasn’t missed a single party for these past two years since high school to the point you have a hard time remembering what he used to do on Friday nights. Something must have happened, that’s for certain.

“Do you want to tell me why?” You ask him carefully, your fingers reaching out to his. He looks up at you, something in his face tells you that something indeed has happened. And suddenly, your mind flashes to the event that just occurred. Could it be?

“Does it have anything to do with Lia? This morning, when you met her?”

Jungkook’s eyes bulge, his hands are harshly pulled to his lap, away from you. You can detect his chest pumped, heaving too much air in, eyes nervously scanning away. Too many reactions for a mere ‘nothing happened’. “I—I don’t know? What do you mean?”

“It’s weird! You were literally avoiding her before, Jungkook. But then I saw you meeting her alone. What happened? Tell me.” You persuade, determine to get to the end of it. But the answer you are given is only a nervous shake of head, with shade of red slowly creeping in his face. Another trait that you know from Jungkook, is his inability to hide his feelings—at least in front of you.

Due to his prolonged silence for his orders arrival, you silently guess what might have happened with him. A flash of unpleasant image enters your head and you wince internally. God, please don’t let it be true. You even have a hard time to spell those words. 

“Jungkook, please tell me you didn’t sleep with her.”

Jungkook’s face is flushed in a bright shade of red, as he shakes his head vigorously. “You are crazy. I did not sleep with your best friend.”

A sense of relief washes you. “So tell me what it is! What is it that you can’t possibly tell me? It must be it, or do you expect me to believe you somehow have feelings for her?!” You mindlessly intrude, but now seeing Jungkook’s face is vermillion red and how silent he is for a few seconds after the accusation, you can’t even believe there is a chance it might be true.

You hesitantly approach, voice caught up midways. “You… do you have feelings for Lia?”

Jungkook stares back at you, and you can see a hint of sadness on his eyes. Internally, he is terribly conflicted. He doesn’t know what he can say to you. He already has the answer to your query on the tip of his tongue, clearer than anything else but he cannot do that. It would be unfair to everyone, especially you. 

In life, Jungkook believes he is a risk taker—he is taught that way, ever since he was a little kid. Risk is what makes life even better and interesting. But how can he gamble with what you both have right now? He could never take that risk for what you have right now with him. It’s too much in stake—a game not worthy to play, and he knows his chances like the back of his hand. So he forces a smile, mustering all his might to say something that he is well aware does not reflect what he is truly feeling.

“I—I think so..”

Listening to his answer, you nod slowly, not knowing exactly how you feel. You are happy for him—for Jungkook to finally find someone he likes, someone who can get him off the meaningless sex routine he has been accustomed to for awhile now. And truth to be told? Lia is one of the best girls you ever acquaintanced with. If one thing you can ever count on, is that both of your best friends are great people that somehow grealy deserve each other. Lia is pretty, smart, fun to talk and party with, and allegedly good at sex—you don’t really now, it’s just what she claims to be—and Jungkook is the kindest soul out there—even if he is a certified douchebag once in a while—but they really fit each other well.

But is it disappointment in the pit of your stomach?

Noticing how silent you have become, Jungkook quickly takes the opportunity and changes the topic he instantly regrets. “So, how are things with Seokjin? I hear you both are hitting it well.”

Your throat feels constricted, so you clear it, hoping your stupefiedness is unrecognizable. “Yup. He is a good guy. I am now in the Taekwondo club as well, so… yeah I’ve been seeing him a lot too.”

“I am glad you finally got into the club! I remember how much of a pain you are, always go on and on talking about Taekwondo.” He rigidly smiles, eyes still trained on the dish served in front of him, cutting it in pieces. God, he is seriously digging his own grave with this fake supportive best friend shit.

“Yeah, whose fault is it that I got off Taekwondo in the first place, huh?”

Jungkook sighs, resting his utensils on the plate. He is aware of it very well, he knows what a fucking coward he has been since little, which may had forced you giving up on taekwondo—something you really loved. You can’t even imagine how guilty he is about everything. You have been the one thing keeping him sane, yet he always thinks himself on the recipient side of the friendship. And the midst of his current vulnerable state, he feels greatly undeserving of you. Who is he kidding? You might even regret saving him from humiliation on that fateful day, ten years ago.

Sensing that your joke may have not been taken well by Jungkook, you reach out to him, placing your palm on his, trying to soothe the indignation palpable on his face. “Jungkook, I am sorry.. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know.. I know. It’s okay.” Jungkook answers, lips pursed into a tight line. You can see that he is indeed piqued, and truthfully, it is your fault. He always blames himself for the time he felt you sacrificed so much for him—like Taekwondo, for example. You convince him that it is not his fault since you can always go back to Taekwondo again—you just choose not to, but he always blames himself, thinking of the what ifs. You should not have brought it up and joked about it.

The silence then ensues, the tension between you and him thickens like you can slice it and choke it down your throat. You were about to apologize again, right when your phone rings and displays Seokjin’s name on the screen .Jungkook definitely saw the name too himself. You are hesitating whether to answer or not, before Jungkook answers it for you rigidly, jaw clenched tight. 

“Answer it.” 

When you are in the middle of conversation with Seokjin—and unimportant one, Jin is just asking what are you doing because he is bored in the middle of intensive taekwondo training, so you just casually tell him about grabbing a brunch with Jungkook—your best friend quickly flips few bills from his wallet, raising up from his seat. You swiftly hold him back, cutting off the ongoing call without even saying goodbyes. “Jungkook, where are you going?”

“I guess you must be somewhere with Seokjin, right? Let’s go, don’t want to keep the handsome boy waiting.”

The way Jungkook pronounces every word is heavy with sarcasm, and it wounds you. Is he seriously telling you that you are going to ditch him for Seokjin? Dry tears are lounging on the corner of your eyes till your visions are blurry, and it is hard to even breathe. How dare he play that game to you? Does he really think he has any right to treat you like that?

Jungkook must have noticed your contorted face and inevitable tears, and he is quick to apologize. “I am sorry, I didn't mean it like—”

“Save it.” You curtly cut him, slapping a few bills on the table. “It’s my turn to pay now. And you are correct. Thank you for that, I will find that handsome boy right now.”

If Jungkook calls you again, you are unable to hear it. Too pissed off to even breathe, your head feels like it’s about to explode along with tears that are quick to rain on your parade.

*

After you storm off the brunch with Jungkook, your afternoon class is fortunately cancelled. Instead of going with your words and meeting Seokjin, you decide you are too emotionally exhausted and head back home. So here you are, chilling in your apartment alone, watching netflix and eating popcorn after completing a long nap of five hours straight. Your phone is far ducked inside your room, as you notice Jungkook has blown off your phone for quite a while now, and you are this close to answer it so you throw it away. That bastard definitely deserves a lesson for pulling an unfunny passive aggressive prank like that.

While you are in the middle of refilling your bowl for the second batch of popcorn, your apartment door is swung opened. It is Lia, with a huge triumphant smile on her face. “Look what I brought us!”

You don’t even know the reason why, the moment you are looking at Lia’s face, you immediately remember Jungkook’s claim that he has feelings for this girl. For your best friend. For a girl who looks exactly like his ex. Damn, did you really sound that bitter?

“What is it?” You fake enthusiasm, even if what you really want to do is sigh and roll your eyes. 

“Chicken and beer! Not just chicken, this is the exact brand and flavor you like! I think since we rarely hang out nowadays, tonight we can watch bad movies together and eat and drink unhealthy food and drinks we probably will regret in the morning!” She cheerfully shouts, resting the packages of food on the table, running to her room to change into comfy clothes.

You bite your lips, regretting how undeserved she is for your cynical thoughts. You are greatly touched by her mindful gesture. Albeit harsh and sometimes cold, Lia is really affectionate at times, kind and selfless to her friends, especially you. You can’t even count how much she helped you, saving you from an embarrassment or humiliation due your sloppy and forgetful trait. The mind is indeed a dangerous place, and you should limit any possible toxicity that might be planted and grow in it.

So you and Lia jump to watch some chick flick which she always denies to like, but somehow always in tears after. One thing that you might not realize is that you often find yourself staring at her, thinking about how easy it is to like her. She is really the dream girl. Pretty, strong, funny and independent. She’s basically perfect. You even doubt Jungkook deserves her, seriously.

“Honey, another look and I think I might just go gay for you.” Lia sighs, resting the chicken drumstick on the plate. You avert your eyes on the TV, shy of being caught staring. “What is it? Are you falling for me? I swear—”

“No, I just.. Nothing.”

You are silent, busy gulping the beer to hide how flustered you are right now. Damn, are you really that obvious? “There must be something. Y/N, I will not push, but you know you can tell me everything. Nothing will surprise me, seriously.”

You nod, throwing your attention back to the movie. But not even five minutes, the curiosity gets the best of you, so you decide to mum a question to her. 

“Lia, what do you think about Jungkook?”

You kind of wish she does not hear you, but it is instantly cancelled since she answers. Yup, she can hear your silly question, loud and clear.

“Jungkook? He is hot, good looking and kind. A little dumb and blabber a little bit too much, but I think it’s manageable.” She nonchalantly answers, suddenly her prodding eyes are thrown at you. “Where does this suspicious question come from?”

“Nothing! I just want to know what you think of him.” You bitterly smile. Yes, definitely that and only that.

Another ten minutes pass and you open another question, still full of hesitation whether it’s best to ask or just keep it to yourself, yet it’s literally killing you so you ask anyway. “Hypothetically speaking. If… I don’t know, Jungkook confesses to you he likes you. Would you accept it?”

Lia looks at you strangely — like you have grown another head, when her face suddenly brightens, an imaginary light bulb practically pictured on her head. A sleazy smile is worn on her lips, her eyebrows wiggling playfully. “Ah! So that is about all this. Finally!”

“Of course! Jungkook is a nice guy, he is kind, respectful, albeit a little annoying and dumb, he is hot, which kinda makes it even. He listens well, and strangely gives good advice.” Lia brightly smiles, literally like the woman who endorses cooking items in the supermarket to middle aged mothers. “I think anyone having a monogamous relationship with that manchild is very, very lucky!”

You do notice how exaggerated and odd her sentence is, but when you are about to reply, few soft knocks are heard on your door. So keeping the words back, you wake up and mindlessly open it.

Well, It turns out to be Seokjin, and he could arguably be the last person you think would be standing in front of your doorstep now.

“Seokjin? What are you doing here, at this time of the night?”

Seokjin answers with a serene smile, his eyes sparkling amidst the dim hallway. “I am sorry to be at your doorstep this late. I just… I just want to talk to you. Is that weird?”

Your heart literally skips a beat at that. Seriously? Seokjin comes to your apartment at 10pm just to talk to you? Is this even real? “You can’t just call me? Not that I’m not glad to see you, but I don’t want to tire you. You just finished your crazy tiring training!”

“I’ve been trying to contact you, but I went into voicemail. So I guess, more reason to meet you, right?” Seokjin shyly smiles, scratching his nape. God, have you ever mentioned that he is really cute? “I hope I’m not a bother.”

“No! Of course not. But my roommate is here. Do you want to go somewhere else? I think one restaurant near here is still open.” You quickly offer and Seokjin agrees with a nod. You are hurriedly about to grab your purse, when Lia walks out to the doorstep, meeting Seokjin.

“Hi! You must be the roommate. I’m Seokjin.” Seokjin offers a hand along with a charming smile. Lia receives it with confusion written on her face. 

“Are you both going somewhere?” She asks, puzzled. You slightly run to the door, hoping there is nothing to be discussed amongst the three of you anymore.

“Yes! We are. I’ll be back soon, see you!” You quickly smile and close the door right on her face. Damn, you don’t know what has gotten into you, but you really can’t seem to shake that cautious feeling. It really needs time before you even consider letting Seokjin hang out with your nosy friends. Like Lia, or even Jungkook.

Especially Jungkook.

*

Jungkook is sitting with Taehyung, his project mate on the corner of a restaurant near your apartment. He has been trying to contact you since afternoon but you still haven’t replied to his call nor messages, it makes him feel guilty beyond words. He shouldn’t have snapped like that at you, you literally did nothing and he blew everything way out of proportion—especially when that dickhead Seokjin called you. And now he is nearly losing his mind, because he doesn’t want to spend another minute in your probable wrath. How can everything be so messed up?

“Dude, stop calling her. She’ll call you soon. Why is this such a big deal?” Taehyung groans when Jungkook relentlessly dial your number once more. He doesn’t even know why, but another call you ignore, he might combust and run to your apartment, begging for reconciliation. He is seriously just that desperate.

The call fails, yet Jungkook is still tapping on the call again button when Taehyung meddles in his pathetic best friend obsession. “Hey, stop! Why are you doing this, dude? You like this girl or what?” 

At Taehyung’s accusation, Jungkook was silent. “I don’t know. But I can’t stop, Tae. Or I’ll go crazy.”

Taehyung sighs, giving up and instead going back to his work. As long as the tasks are divided, he would not be bothered by his friend’s crazy fixation towards a so-called-friend. Seriously, why do people even want to monogamously date? It’s such a hassle, and unimportant. Girlfriends are liabilities, and Jungkook of all people should know it!

After being rejected for another three calls, Jungkook finally gives up, slamming the phone on the desk. “I give up. She’ll never answer. Fuck it, I need to work.”

Taehyung glances at that guy trying to focus on the task in front of him. Everyone can see how out of place he is—if there’s a guarantee Jungkook will not land a punch to his precious face, he really wants to tease him right now it is hilarious. Damn, his friend is whipped.

Amongst the silence, Jungkook’s phone suddenly rings. Throwing the thousand page book in his grasps right away, he answers it like a madman—probably without even checking the caller. It must not be the girl of his dreams, since his hopeful puppy face instantly sombers.

“Of course not! How can I, we just got into a fight.”

After listening to the faint caller’s word, his knuckles intimidatingly whiten due, jaw tightening. “Seriously? They are leaving now?”

A few banter and the call ends, but Taehyung can see how bothered the guy is after the call. He is no longer bothered to even pretend he is working, instead his eyes hollow, zooming out to nothingness. But another five minutes, a slight tingling from the entrance bell is heard and Jungkook feels like his heart is about to fall out he instinctively ducks his head. Taehyung tries to steal a look to the source of attention, and it’s you, the girl he has seen a lot previously with Jungkook and Seokjin… Together while holding hands.

Oh, oh. This is bad.

Jungkook really should just storm out. He is never the masochist type, but somehow curiosity gets the best of him so he stays, his work is completely ignored. He focuses on glaring to the other side of the restaurant where you and Seokjin sit near the window, nonchalant to his presence while lively and affectionately talking to each other. And for fuck sake, can fucking Seokjin get his hands off you? It takes everything in his power to ignore the need to slap those dirty paws away.

“Jungkook, we should go..” Taehyung silently pleads, noticing how tense his friend has become since you and Seokjin arrived. But Jungkook is unable to hear or sense anything, was too focused on probing both of you while trying not to be caught.

It is a rather short meal, as you and Seokjin only ordered a dessert to share and Jungkook is irritated. You finished a bowl of ice cream in one sitting and you can’t seriously get a dessert for your own? Disgusting—After approximately thirty minutes, you and Seokjin head out, hand by hand with a sickeningly shy smile on both of your faces.

Jungkook thinks that is the end of it, thank God he can finally breathe. But how wrong he was to even think he will remain unscathed, because as both of you stand in front of the restaurant, Seokjin bravely pulls you closer by the nape and crashes his lips on yours. It feels like a punch to Jungkook’s gut, seeing how blissful both of you are engaged in a sweet kiss, your hands on his cheek and his hands clasped on your waist. There’s the anger, the jealousy raging inside Jungkook’s chest at the moment that it’s even difficult to breathe. 

As now both of you and Seokjin have left the scene, Taehyung forces himself from the tense situation to steal a glance at Jungkook. Just seeing him—staring at the ceiling with no expression whatsoever—radiates the devastation and frustration he is currently experiencing. God, Taehyung hopes he will never have to experience that kind of emotion in his life.

*

During ten years of friendship with Jungkook, you never knew what it feels to have him avoid you. But now that you are exactly being treated like a plague by him, you wish you were warned beforehand because it fucking hurts. And you have no idea how or why, and you have no one to console your loss — not even Seokjin, or Lia. Well it mostly because you don’t want them to realize how fucking dependent you are to Jungkook, it’s pathetic.

“Kitten, you are spazzing out. Are you sure you are okay?”

Seokjin’s words are nearly lost on you, and the moment his hand is on yours, you unconsciously flinch. He is now examining you, with a gaze full of worry. 

“If you are feeling not okay, we can just go home.” Seokjin kindly offers, but you shake your head fervently, not wanting to wallow again in your sadness. You can’t take this away from Seokjin, when it’s his dearest fellow frat brothers—especially the seniors who are having the party. Seokjin as the angel he is will not let you be alone in your apartment.

Since the day you meet Jungkook for brunch, a week has passed and it seems like you and him are in the middle of a cold war. It’s not like you are not speaking to each other, but every word coming from him speaks distance and you are tired and just stop trying—yet it doesn’t lessen the pain. And now you are going with Seokjin for his frat party, and you know Jungkook will be there—it might be the reason you are simultaneously eager and despise going to the party. You are terribly anxious about facing him, but you can’t back down when you know you did nothing wrong.

In front of the frat house, Seokjin holds your hand and brushes his lips to your temple as an encouragement. “Let’s go in, shall we?”

You throw your gaze at Seokjin’s side profile. Seriously, what did you do to deserve him? He is seriously the kindest soul out there, always looking for your best interest. He never hesitates to go big for you, yet you can help but to feel guilty. He is too kind. Too perfect. And you can’t shake this feeling of undeserving and owning him everything to him.

The moment your feet step into the party, your eyes instantly fall to someone so familiar yet so strange—Jungkook. He is leaning on a sofa, talking animatedly with two girls on either side, leeching to him like they are willing to take turns to suck him dry. You roll your eyes in disgust. What were you expecting? That Jungkook might go celibate and seriously get a grip on his life? You must be drunk. That bastard can’t even face the fact that he likes someone and actually does something about it.

Yes. He likes Lia. But being a total fuckboy is not what someone should do when he seriously likes someone, right? You just want the best for him, not wanting Jungkook to waste another time when he can have someone he truly likes instead of engaging in another one night stand.

While Seokjin is chatting with his group of friends, you excuse yourself to grab a drink. He, as the gentleman he is, offers to accompany you, but you refuse—mentioning it will only take a short while. And after finally settling in the kitchen where you can finally have a space for your own, you heave few deep breaths. You do not know exactly why, but being surrounded among strangers always sends you to a nervous bundle. 

That’s exactly the reason why you always avoid going to parties. You wanted to tell Seokjin about the anxiety you feel, but you feel like it’s too much of a burden to throw on him so you just swallow everything and hope for the best—but now you regret everything. At least previously, you have Lia and you are assured she is going to take care of you. Not that you don’t think Seokjin will not, but the trust issue you have for nearly everyone is not going to go away when you literally only know him for one freaking month.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Suddenly, a familiar voice is heard and you look behind, seeing Jungkook with a worried gaze, his palm soothing your back. “You don’t really look good. Does the party bother you?”

You bask in his appearance, and sense the anxiety building up inside your head crashes into a loud sob. Seeing such a familiar face, worried about your well-being somehow instantly relieves you, and the emotion is excessive and you inevitably feel the urge to cry. 

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry.” Jungkook whispers, pulling you inside his arms and enveloping you with the ever-so-familiar warmth. His fingers forming circles in your back, just the way he used to calm you on every rainy day, while you clutch into his jacket for dear life. 

“Why do you even come here, you idiot? You should have let me know.”

His ignorant statement somehow flares the anger inside you, and you irritatedly push him away with both your palms. Jungkook is a jerk, and you do not deserve any of this. “How can I let you know, Jungkook? When it’s crystal clear you are avoiding me. I haven’t heard anything other than your one two word messages. I can’t even call you!” 

The guilt is definitely painted on his face, confirming a guess that has been going around your head. He truly was avoiding you. “I—I don’t mean it like that…”

“What wrong did I do, Jungkook? How can you do this to me?” You whimper sadly. All the frustration inside you is coming out. “I know I was wrong, but this is not how we resolve things, Jungkook. You know it. And you can’t even tell me what’s wrong directly to my face, or even try to reconcile our friendship, instead you go back to partying, eye fucking two girls at the same time when I’m standing right here. Do you even know how it makes me feel?”

“It’s not that!” Jungkook defends himself, feeling the obnoxious guilt seeping inside his heart. He feels at fault now seeing how heartbroken you look, and the fact that he is the one causing them. It’s like he is finally awoken, that he has been selfishly trying to redeem himself from a one-sided love for his childhood best friend without thinking about how you feel. But in his defense, he thought you would be okay! 

“I...I just thought now that you have Seokjin, you won’t be needing me no more. He seems to be such a better companion than I am. And I know you like him so much, Y/N, I feel like...”

“Hey. Are you okay?” 

All of a sudden, Seokjin appears in the kitchen, staring at both you and Jungkook standing in front of each other with somber looks on each of your faces. He definitely was about to say something, but like he sobers up and puts up a thin smile and reaches out to you. “You take a long time to get a drink, so I thought I should check up on you.”

You quickly grab the nearest bottle of beer, giving a short, civilized smile to Jungkook to handle the pain throbbing inside his chest. You desperately need space away from him, swearing that you would do anything to avoid breakdown in the middle of a frat party filled with tons of strangers. “Excuse me.”

“Hey, Seokjin! Get your girl, we are going to play!”

That trademark voice was definitely Hoseok’s, gesturing you to join the circle of group with countless shots in the center—which is literally a recipe for a disastrous night. Seokjin is about to wave him off, intending to focus on your well being instead, but that is seriously the last thing you want to do right now. All you need is alcohol—lots of them and avoid whatever internal conflict you are having since that’s what you do best. Hence, you pull the older guy closer to the group cheering them on, forcing him to sit down beside you. 

“Hey, we don’t have to do this if you are not comfortable.” Seokjin consoles, his hands smoothing on your thigh. 

“But I want to!” You fake a cheer, pretending to sound enthusiastic. “I haven’t done this in a long time. I wanna do this again.”

Jimin—one of the other frat brothers, is counting the people and after clicks his tongue in dissatisfaction. “We need one more. Hey, Jungkook, come here!”

You quickly snap your head towards your so-called best friend, who just came out from the kitchen from your previous unpleasant encounter. Just a glance and you can see how messed up he looks right now. Jungkook seriously was about to flip Jimin off, instead wallowing himself in sadness and regret. But seeing you sitting in the circle, he gets no other choice but to accept the offer. All that he can think about is the annoying frat buddies of his who might force you to do the things you despise, along with your occasional social anxiety that might ruin everything for you. He will never forget himself if they happen without him there, when he had the opportunity to. He’ll do it, regardless of your current distaste for him.

“Okay! So we are going to play Never Have I Ever!” Jimin shouts, and your stomach dips in nerves. God, are you seriously going to do it? But then you feel a certain concerned stare is directed towards you, and your pride forces you to act nonchalant. You are not going to let Jungkook think he needs to babysit you again. The previous thing in the kitchen is humiliating enough, you don’t need another second. 

“It’s the usual. if you have done it before, drink a shot! Don’t worry, we have abundant alcohol supply and our dearest freshmen right here, kindly volunteer to refill the glasses.” You emphatically look amongst the fellow freshmen, standing outside the circle with bottles of alcohol in their hands. God, this reminds you why frat people are seriously the worst.

“I’ll start! Okay. Never have I ever sexted someone during class.”

A series of groans are heard in the circle, few people—some that you know are Taehyung, Hoseok, and even the smartest of the frat boys, Namjoon bottoms up their respective drinks. Seriously? They pay tuition to sext during class. What a disgrace.

And of course Jungkook’s glass is empty too. What did you expect?

Next is Hoseok. “Never have I ever faked an orgasm before!”

Well, that one is on you, but you are just glad to be able to finally drink. And damn is it good to finally have alcohol buzzing inside your system—it’s been way too long. After drinking his own, Seokjin offers to exchange your empty glass into a full one. You send a thankful smile his way.

“Never have I ever sent a nude to someone.”

Well, that's correct on your previous relationship with a dickhead in your high school. Wow, you feel the slight kick, but since your tolerance is quite high, your tongue still craves for more.

“Never have I had a threesome before.”

Your eyes curiously find Jungkook, as he bottoms up his third glass of the game, with only a few of the people there drink—Jungkook, Taehyung, Jimin and one of the unknown girls. Not that you did not expect it, but you find yourself mildly uncomfortable and somehow disappointed with the facts. He is Jungkook. You should have known it.

“Never have I ever roleplay mommy / daddy kink during sex.”

You detect Seokjin shyly drinking his glass, and you fake a gasp. The alcohol on your spine and the great atmosphere are a success in bringing up your mood. “Wow, I knew it! It’s all so clear, you must have daddy kink!” You let out a belly laugh as he softly pinches your waist, still abashed to the new found fact. What you miss is Jungkook shooting daggers both your ways and Taehyung on his side giving him a few comforting taps on the back.

“Never have I ever liked someone else when I was in a relationship!”

The question somehow kills every fun you have, as you silently recall your previous relationships. There was definitely something on your mind, but you quickly pushed them back. No. It did not make sense and still does, and it was something you chose to bury a long time ago. Pretending it never exists is way easier.

But when you straighten your back to regain your sense, your eyes instantly find Jungkook sipping on his alcohol whilst glaring at you, before throwing his back and bottoming it up. Not only that, even after he slams the glass back on the table he is still giving you the same intent stare. What does he want from you? If he is trying to mess with your mind it is not working—so you faked nonchalance, waiting for the next question, yet your mind is busy thinking about who might be on the receiving end of Jungkook’s feelings while he was in a relationship with his bitch of an ex.

The game goes on for another round, and boy was it a mess. As time goes by, the questions are getting out of hand, until a point you seriously think you need to see your therapist due to how traumatic the questions are. During the game you only drink five glasses, which is still not enough for you—and Seokjin, who apparently has a great alcohol resistance as well. The game ended when Hoseok and Taehyung were hugging each other with two bottles of vodka between them, noisily faking smooches sound to each other.

When Seokjin offers to walk away from the rainsacked table, one of the friends whom you recognize as Yoongi holds him back with a tactful smile. “Hey, Seokjin! I’m bored, Let’s play!”

“Yoongi, I think that’s enough play. I think me and Y/N are just going to talk.” Seokjin calmly refuses, when Jungkook comes to Yoongi's side, resting his arm on the smaller man with his face bright red, looking totally buzzed.

“Ugh, that’s so boring! Why don’t we just play a game!”

You snort when you can smell his breath reeking with booze. No wonders though, he only missed two shots during that godforsaken game. “Jungkook—”

“No! I want to play!” He childishly pouts again. Here goes Jungkook acting like a nine year old whenever he is drunk. You roll your eyes agitatedly. Can he grow up already? “I want to beat you and this boyfriend of yours. Let’s play beer pong!”

“That’s a great idea, Jungkook! I think for the prize the winner can ask the loser for anything.” Yoongi shows his gummy smiles forming a smirk. Seokjin was about to discard the offer when his friend cleverly ignited another fire. “What, you don’t think you can win? Or do you just don’t get the nerves to? Too scared to be beaten down in front of your girlfriend?”

Somehow the conversation is loud enough that it attracts people, and now everyone is wooing the provocative statement from Yoongi. He has been silent throughout the previous game, and you don’t even know why he is so keen about playing beer pong with you and Seokjin. Can’t he just ask someone else instead? But you are assured, since one thing you learned from athletes like Seokjin, he is not easily provoked by such cheap statements. 

“You are on.” He grimaces as you gape, not expecting the sudden plottwist. How can he just approve? Damn him, you seriously do not want anything to do with these frat boys! “But I swear to god if you lose, I am going to force you to kiss this manchild for fucking five minutes in front of everybody.”

“Well that’s not really a punishment if I will enjoy it, but go on.” Jungkook drunkenly shouts, Yoongi palpably shudders beside him. The crowd laughter goes wild, as other freshmen—you seriously really feel bad for them now—sets up the red solo cups on the table. Your head spins in confusion, as you literally have not once played beer pong before. It’s a lost cause, and you are going to be punished by those evil spawns!

“Seokjin, I seriously can’t play for shit!” You hisses in worry while Seokjin smiles as an assurance.

“No worry, Y/N. I am a reigning champion of beer pong is this godforsaken frat. We will surely win.” He holds you by the shoulder. You send a judging gaze to Jungkook as he pretends to look nonchalant, confidently rubbing his palm together. Damn, you really want to smack him in that idiotic drunk ass face of his. What a jerk! You just hope Jin is truly as good as he claims, because if not, you are completely, utterly fucked. And not even a good one.

The first thing you did wrong was to believe Seokjin is just as good as his words, because Yoongi—who you just knew is the captain of the basketball team—completely triumphs him through every shot. And you already in peace with the fact that your aiming skill is the worst thing that could happen to you, so there goes scoring zero. That bastard Jungkook, somehow amidst the drunkenness is able to score a lot as well—probably due to the fact that he also plays football. Now that you think about it, the game itself does not make sense. And not only that you lose, the glasses you shove down your throat are quite a lot, to the point you can finally feel the buzz of alcohol in your spine. Just fucking perfect!

“Yes! We win!” Jungkook gleefully shouts, seeing the last red cup in front of your table has the shiny yellow ball in it. Seokjin sighs in defeat, quickly taking the last glass and drinking it, completely forfeited. You groan, rubbing your aching temple. This is gonna be rough.

“Wow! Do we finally have the winner here?!” Yoongi shouts with mirth, as the crowd woo. “Well, I don’t want to hold you back, let’s cut to the chase, shall we? I am just giving you a taste of your medicine. You can now make out with the bride.” Everyone snickers, and you are too shy to even look at Seokjin. “But we don’t want porn here, so just three minutes?”

“Are you okay with this? I can make him stop.” Seokjin asks calmly, as Yoongi snickers about his friend’s cringey thoughtfulness. Well now that everyone’s looking at you, you ain’t really got any choice, right? So you hesitantly nod as a permission, before Seokjin encloses his lips on you, and all you can sense is the deafening shouts of the crowd.

And Jungkook’s deflated back while exiting the room.

*

Two hours after the last disastrous beer pong and a three-minutes exhibitionist makeout session with Seokjin, you are shocked to still find yourself sitting at the frat party. Seokjin has asked you multiple times if you want to head home, but you refuse, feeding him lies about somehow still enjoying the party. Truthfully, you don’t even know what he is holding you back. You stopped drinking after the game, instead drinking lots of water to avoid a bad hangover in the morning. The party is dull, especially when you are no longer drinking and alone—Seokjin is asked by a few fellow final year friends to join them for a drink outside, so you assure him you’ll be okay staying back. All you do now is keep an eye on your so-called best friend, shoving alcohol down his throat like there’s no tomorrow. There were few girls around him, but the way Jungkook was not having it and instead focusing on the drinks—his nonchalance probably bore them so they fled, locking on other frat boys as targets. It is only Taehyung now with him, who looks just as drunk as he is. Literal dumbasses.

Amongst the loud bass thumping inside the room, your phone vibrates. You quickly excuse yourself from a couple who is now making out beside you—god, you seriously thought the girl was interested in talking to you before, but now she just ignores you while shoving her tongue down the boy’s throat!—and walks out to pick up the call. Against your expectation, it is Jungkook’s brother, Junghyun on the other side of the call..

“Y/N! Y/N, I am so glad you pick up!” Junghyun shouts loudly, sounds greatly relieved after listening to your greetings. You chuckle, realize it has been quite a long time since you heard from him. You desperately need to visit him sometimes, instead of constantly hanging out with his idiot younger brother.

“Hey, do you know where Jungkook is? We actually have to fly to Busan tomorrow morning, so we expect him to be home now. He even brought the car with him!” Junghyun shouts filled with stress, then you scrunch your eyebrow in confusion. He will fly tomorrow morning, so why did he even bother to come to the party? You scoff in disbelief.

“Yes, oppa. I am in the same party with him, but he is not looking real good.” You answer, looking inside the frat house. Well, not that his brother is unaware of Jungkook’s current trait of drinking and partying—not that he supports it—but you just think that he would be more responsible in his choices, and the your disappointment at him is vivid as a day. Making his family worried, all because he just wants to party which he nearly does every week? It’s shallow even for him. “But I’ll get him home now, no worries.”

Junghyung release a relieved sigh. “You’re a lifesaver, thank you!”

After a shot goodbye, you close the call and furiously march inside the frat house, right to Jungkook’s side. He is still drinking, but now looking severely drunk while unreasonably laughing with Taehyung, and now Jimin as an addition. Three drunk guys are never a good combination. “Jungkook, you fucking idiot, let’s go home!” 

With that Taehyung whistle loudly, tapping Jungkook on the back fervently, pepping him. “It’s Y/N! God, finally she is asking you to get something-something!” You scrunch your eyebrows at the drunk ass guy with a reddened face. You are earnestly curious for what booze he is having so you can avoid drinking it forever.

“You want to go home? Let’s go home, babygirl.” Jungkook lowly whispers whilst standing up, but before you can even react to such provocative words, he limps—probably dizzy from consuming too much alcohol. You circle his arms on your shoulder, helping him cause you are certain he is unable to walk on his own now.

Limping to the outside of the house at the best speed you can do, you find his car is parked a few meters from where you both stand. You grumble, swearing that you would keep a tab in every kindness you give to this unthankful moron. 

“Hmm, you smell nice.” Jungkook whispers, the tip of his nose settles on the crook of your neck, brushing it to your skin repetitiously as he hums in delight. All of a sudden you feel like it is hard to breath, your nape hair standing from such impulse. Damn, how can he take so much reaction out of you? It’s totally unfair! “I love your smell, babygirl. I wish I could smell you everyday.”

“Jungkook, I smell like booze, smoke and sweat. And what the fuck is wrong with you!” You hiss, trying to calm your irregular heartbeat. And you can always trust Jungkook to somehow flirt with you in the middle of his drunken antics. “I need to get you home, Jungkook. Don’t make me throw you on the street, okay?”

Listening to your cold answer, Jungkook pouts, his arms fold on his chest. The luring persona he had is now replaced to the childish one, and you can’t believe you have to deal with it now. “You are being a meanie to Jungkook! You have to apologize!”

Boy did he mean it, because he is now refusing to enter the car until you apologize. You sigh in distress — but some part of you do enjoy the cute banter with your drunk best friend. You are definitely going to tease him about this after he is sober.  “Okay! I apologize, Jungkook. I won’t throw you away, and I will get you home safely. Satisfied?” He nods with a foolish smile.

Then you realize that you don’t know where he places his car keys at, so you ignore the warning in your head and search his pockets, trying to disregard that he is wearing tight-ass pants that force you to feel him up somehow. God, you can’t even shake the embarrassment creeping to your cheek. Where the hell is that key?!

“Y/N, do you seriously want to do it here? I want out first time to be in bed, please.” Jungkook politely says, like he did not just imply about sleeping with you — instead asking for a candy. You whimper, greatly embarrassed even if you know it’s only a drunken act. He does not mean it in any way possible, so the flutters inside your heart should stop! You curse yourself, despising how his words are now affecting your wellbeing.

After finding the key in his left back pocket, you open the door to him and he kindly obeys, but you take the chance and purposefully hit him in the head with the door. Serves him right! As Jungkook winces while bearing the physical pain, you gladly saunter to the driver's side, turning on the car and heading it to Jungkook’s address—which you already remember like your own, located not really far from university.

Few minutes pass in silence, so you think Jungkook already fell asleep, when a sudden question is heard and throws you away to shock.

“Do you like kissing Seokjin?”

“What the fuck—” You look at him, thinking he is joking but you find him staring back at you, eyes dead serious while his face is painted with no trace of mirth whatsoever. It sends you jitter and nerves all over your body. “Jungkook, I don’t understand why you are asking that.”

“I just want to know if he is a good kisser or not.”

“He doesn’t need to be a good kisser to make me like kissing him.”

You heard Jungkook’s breath hitched like it’s so hard to believe. “So you like kissing him?”

“That’s beside the point, Jungkook. I am just stating a fact cause your logic is flawed.”

You most definitely underestimated the level of distressfulness in his question when Jungkook literally growls, not liking the mind games you are playing on him. “I’m serious. Do. you. like. kissing. him. or not!”

“I don’t know why you are asking that, since it’s literally you who asks for the fucking beer pong game. Not to mention, it’s you who wants me to bone this guy, Jungkook.” You whisper, reminding him of the day he offers you to come to Hoseok’s birthday party. “That question is weird, I am not answering that.”

“I regret that day, everyday…” You hear him mutter silently while looking outside the window. You quickly warn yourself to avoid overthinking it. It’s unhealthy, and you’ve been here before! Better to turn off your feelings before everything gets messy on your side.

“Why do you even have to be bad at beer pong?! It’s just shooting fucking ball to a cup. How bad can you be to not even score a point?!” Jungkook childishly huffs, and you take a few deep breaths to stop yourself from landing a punch to his devilishly handsome drunk face. What you are going to do is ignore him, like an adult you truly are.

But the silence is too much and you just want to talk to him, hence opening up a new topic. “Jungkook, you know you have to leave for Busan tomorrow. You shouldn’t be partying the day before. Have you even packed?”

Jungkook looks at you and sighs, like he is mentally and physically drained—well, as he should from drinking that much. “How can I, when there’s a chance you are going to the party as well.”

You raise your eyebrow, unsure. “What are you saying?”

Jungkook scoffs in disbelief when grasping how clueless you actually are. “I don’t know what fucking Seokjin has asks you to believe, but I am still your best friend, Y/N.  Since we were kids. I know you like the back of my hand, I know how you hate parties, how you dislike being around strangers, and I know how dangerous it is to be with these frat boys.”

He pauses. “And frankly, I just can’t trust Seokjin. Even with ten years of friendship, I’m still finding new, wonderful things about you and you expect me to trust a fucker who only knows you for a month? Seriously. I only trust myself to be capable of taking care of you.”

The sincerity in his words and gaze, how determined he is with his words seriously blinded your sanity—this part of you trying to assure that what he says is strictly platonic. Your heart is beating so fast it is literally painful to even breath, all the butterflies in your stomach fly without a care in the world. Does he really mean it? Do you even want to know what he means by the words?

The rest of the way passes in tense silence, both of you busy in each of your thoughts, and the car already approaches the street of his house. You sigh, putting on the break when you finally arrive in front of his house lane. “This is it, Jungkook. Go home, get some sleep. Don’t forget to eat some aspirin, and please wake up in time for your flight.”

Jungkook somberly nods, clicking his seatbelt off. You were about to say something, anything about addressing the elephant inside the car—to confirm whether he meant his words, whether he is indeed jealous of the punishment kiss with Seokjin. But then he beats you to it.

“Can I ask you one thing? And please promise me you will answer this.” He stares at you, and you hesitatingly hum as an answer, the tension is hard to miss.

“Answer me truthfully. Do you like kissing him? Seokjin, I mean.”

You sigh, not believing how still hung up Jungkook is on the matter. “Jungkook—”

“I know you like this guy so much, Y/N. I don't even want to ask that. I just want to know if you like the kiss. I wish this guy sucks in kissing, at least let me live with that.”

You look up to him, cheeks turning vermillion as he braves himself to look into your eyes. Your heart swells in pride, thinking how important it is to confirm that to you. God, has he really been this cute before?

“It was okay.” 

Listening to your answer, Jungkook smiles widens from ear to ear, like he is completely over the moon with okay as an answer. “Just okay? Not mind blowing whatsoever?” 

“It was okay.” You repeat, not confirming nor denying his latter question, but Jungkook still looks pleased with just the same answer. The manchild then hums, throwing both his arms around you, enveloping you into a hug so close like he never wants to let go. After a good minute he finally lets go, still with a million-dollar smile on his face and... rests his forehead on yours, closing his eyes as he breathes your scent in. This time, you are definitely sure you are going to schedule a slot with a cardiologist because there must be something wrong with your heart for beating that fast. There must be. And then his eyes flutter open, showing a strained gaze filled with anonymous emotion. 

“Are you going to be mad if I were to kiss you now?”

At Jungkook’s hushed questions, the temptation to taste his lips and comply with his request has you blinded, so you let go of your sanity and approve with a shy nod. The realistic side of you is quickly shut down as you don’t want to argue with it now. All you are thinking and craving about is to kiss him, or else you are going to die.

As his lips advances, the kiss finally happens. You can vividly feel the fireworks light up inside your chest—a strange yet wonderful feeling, the first time you ever feel this away while kissing someone. Jungkook’s lips are soft, touching you slowly like he is testing the waters. After he feels your careful reply, he sends more pressure, slowly but sure savoring your lips like he is taking his dearest time with you. Boy did he taste amazing—like a good whiskey, even if it’s probably all on him. The kiss feels amazing, yet you find yourself getting impatient with how it progresses, since all you can think is to feel him close. God, you must have lost your mind.

“Patience, pumpkin.” He teases, and you can feel a sleazy smile formed on his lips. You snort in annoyance, but he unexpectedly uses it to his advantage, stealthily shoving down his tongue inside your mouth cave. You gasp when the taste of alcohol kicks in, but is content nevertheless. You can’t even describe how good it is to have him close, your fingers entangled in his beautiful oak brown silk hair, his hands tightly encircled on your waist. How did you even think about spending a lifetime without kissing him?

“God, can I have you now? But I hate doing it in the car—I want our first time to be special.” 

Somehow, his desperate words instantly sobers your lust-clouded head, viciously taking you back to reality. So he really thinks of you that easily. And like you are saved by the bell, his brother appears from inside the house, probably realizing that the car has arrived but yet to show his brother—for a bit way too long. You curtly shove him away, heading outside the car before slamming the door vigorously. Of course. Of fucking course that is going to happen! What do you expect? He kisses you once and is finally ready to take your hand in marriage? You should’ve known better than to fall for the same tricks he played on those dumb girls. He even does it while drunk, for god sake. You should’ve known better!

With heavy self-disappointment you quickly open your phone, opening an app to order your ride home. All you want to do is now wail in sadness, and promise yourself to never let that happen again. You are too focused on your plan to flee, so when you feel Jungkook’s touch against your skin, you instinctively flinch. You can see how pained he is to see your reaction closing him off, yet you keep your mouth shut, not wanting to say even a word to him. The more you think about what just happened, the stronger the ache you feel, so you decided to just stop trying. You desperately need some time alone.

“Y/N! You are here. Thank you so much from bringing Jungkook home. This kid never learns, I swear.” Junghyun smiles, nonchalant to the tense air between you and Jungkook. You put up a fake smile of reassurance to the older guy, shrugging his worry.

“Are you going home? I can drive you, just let me take this guy in first.” Junghyun kindly offers, but you quickly recide. How can you do that when just in a few hours they are going to fly to Busan? They are seriously too kind.

“I ordered my taxi, it will arrive soon, oppa. No worries!” You brightly smile, not minding the obvious stares of Jungkook on your skin. You thank your lucky stars after the white taxi of your choice gladfully is near enough, and the blinding light of the taxi car lamp finally allows you to breathe. “It’s here!”

“Hyung, please take the details of the taxi, will you?” 

While entering the taxi you hear Jungkook’s subtle request to his brother, yet you pretend to be clueless, since it is better this way. You can’t. You shouldn’t. You don’t want to mess with the things you have now. You are so conflicted you don’t even know what to do with yourself.

“Text me when you get home.” Jungkook rigidly murmurs and you nod with the same manner. The taxi finally moves, and after a few seconds of total silence, you find the tears you have been holding for a while finally free, raining down on your cheeks.

*

Finally ending the fateful night, you arrive in your apartment and cry yourself to sleep. You feel betrayed, you feel dirty, you feel played and used. You do not know what has gotten into you to seriously think you are special to Jungkook, but that’s definitely not the case since he just caught up in the moment and just needed you to wet his dick. After that, you are going to ruin a ten year old friendship just because you can’t keep your feelings in hand like he can’t keep his dick inside his pants. You should’ve seen it coming—but now the damage is done, there is no use of regretting the things you can’t change. Yet ever since that day you can’t even sleep, eat, study, or basically do anything without thinking about him.

Especially since in the morning he left for Busan, he informed you through a message that he will be there for a week, and after that he needs to talk to you. You haven’t even replied, leaving him only on read even if that’s basically what you are thinking about night and day. What is he going to say? Is he going to reject you? Is he going to say how disgusted he is for that night? Is he going to tell you should not be friends anymore? There are countless scenarios playing in your head, and not even one is as what you wish it would be. Just an endless count of rejection and humiliation.

So the night before he is coming back, you are seated coated in your blanket in your apartment, right in front of your TV even though you don’t even know what show is playing. You are just zoning out, racking your brains for reasons that you need to say to Jungkook to avoid meeting him tomorrow. Do you just pretend you are sick? Or can you bail on him? But thinking about Jungkook, waiting alone in a cafe makes you sad and guilty, so you immediately cancel that last option. God, what are you going to do?

Too invested in your thoughts, you do not notice Lia is just in front of you. You finally acknowledge her presence when after she is now waving a plastic of delicious smelling food in front of your face. “Hey, earth to Y/N!” She calls you again, the agitation builds up for the past week of being ignored by her own roommate.

“Honey, seeing you like this makes me sad.” She sighs, resting the plastic on the desk. “I brought offering food, and with this I hope you can finally tell me what’s wrong.”

You sigh, realizing how annoyed she must be seeing you like this. You have been closed off on her as well, keeping the event from a week ago only for yourself. It just doesn’t feel right talking about it with someone Jungkook admitted he likes… Which suddenly pops an idea inside your brilliant head. God! How can you not think of it before?!

You widely let out an ear-to-ear smile which frankly scares Lia due to the drastic change of mood. But you couldn't care less. You need to do this, to save the remaining pieces of your friendship with Jungkook and give him a helpful hand as well.

“Lia, honey, can you please help me with something?”

*

Jungkook arrives at Gimpo International Airport at 5.40pm, along with his parents and brother. After going back for the wedding of his relatives, every new day he can’t wait to finally be back in Seoul. He is worried as hell about you, since he is aware that he did make a mistake that night—he scares you with his overwhelming feelings, but he promises himself to make things right. He would be crazy to let you go that easily. Jungkook definitely felt something from you that night—there is a glimpse of hope that you somehow like him too, and now he is helplessly hanging on to that rope.

After telling you he needed to see you after he got back, you left him on read for a few days and he had to confess that he was so moody and off during those days, constantly pissing everyone around him. But how can he not? He thought he lost his chance. What if Seokjin took those days to convince you how much better of a man he is than him? What if you had enough of him and dump his ass? Or worse, what if you think you can no longer even be friends? Those thoughts constantly bothered him, but when you message time and place to meet him, he feels comforted. He trusted you—you are much better of a person than what his pessimistic mind forced him to believe.

So when his flight arrives, he directly goes to take the train instead of going with his family’s car, heading to the restaurant you informed. As you informed him about the dinner—7pm reservation, he carefully calculated his ETA. Jungkook is a bit confused due to your choice of place—you don’t really fancy Mexican food, but he pays no heed as what he can only focus is what he is about to say and the gift he thought thoroughly and carefully before, secured on his backpack. Jungkook silently smiles. He is going to make this right.

Exactly an hour arrival, he is now in the area of the restaurant. He quickly hitch a taxi, asking the driver to drive as fast as he can since his plan was to arrive first before you. The hope grows dimmer as seconds pass, especially when his taxi is caught in the middle of a traffic jam. Jungkook groans, there is no hesitation that he will be late. He quickly send you an apology by text, in which you do not even read—adding more anxiety to his already existing one.

After a few minutes which passes like a thousand years, he finally arrives in the said restaurant. He slaps a few bills at the driver, not even waiting for a change as he runs inside, nervously tapping his foot after mentioning your name as a reservation. His heart is beating fast, his palms turn clammy, and he feels jittery all over his body. God, the feeling has already been too long to even remember. But he can’t deny that it indeed feels nice. It feels amazing to care and have real emotions this deeply about someone.

Instead of finding the face he has been thinking of night and days, he finds a completely different woman, sitting nervously on the table. He is too overwhelmed to even speak.

“You—What are you doing here?!”

Jungkook can’t even believe his eyes. It’s Lia, your best friend, sitting on the table right now. All at once, his head spins followed by a sudden nausea bubbling up his throat from the great shock. He has been expecting you—to see your face again waiting for him with a smile, to tell you how much you mean to him, to finally confess and give him a gift he carefully picks out for you—but instead you set him up for dinner with your best friend, without letting either of them know. He feels rejected, a wave of sadness crashing at him that he can only weakly sit down, his legs nearly giving him up. He is now mourning on so-selfless yet so idiotic action you do him.

“God, Y/N asked me for dinner together, and he actually set me up with you? What the fuck?!” Lia flares angrily, taking her phone and fervently dialing up your number. Seeing how ugly it can get, Jungkook takes the phone away, closing the call. “What are you doing?!” She hisses.

“I.. I accidentally lied to her that I like you instead of her when she caught us meeting that morning.” Jungkook whispers, his throat too dry for catching up in the sadness. “And now she is setting us up together.”

“God, it all makes sense now! She actually asked me how I feel about you, and knowing you like her, I put good words. Could it be that she thinks I like you too?” She gasps, but Jungkook is already too numb in the feeling. “God, she is such a moron sometimes!”

“That’s okay. It’s just clear now. I know she does not have any feelings for me, and she might be too afraid to say so. She is probably already with Seokjin now.” Jungkook bitterly whispers, trying to uphold his voice yet it still wound him so fucking bad. Of course that is it. Seokjin is a whole perfect package for a man, not a child with zero emotional capacity like him. He must be drunk to even think about competing with that man.

“No, that's not it..” Lia shakes her head fervently at Jungkook’s helpless posture. “I believe she broke up whatever relationship she had with Seokjin. Don’t tell her you know this from me, but they kinda did it in our apartment hallways a few days ago and I accidentally—well not really accidental but that’s not the point—heard! I thought she was extremely quiet and sad because of that!”

He is confused, he really is, but now he knows the fact, there must be something he has not known yet. “Are you sure?” Jungkook rises up to his seat, strangely motivated. Not that he wants to take advantage of your odd break up with Seokjin for his personal advantage, he just wants to be there for you — like what best friends would do.

“Are you okay if I leave you now?” Jungkook kindly asks, and Lia shoo him away boredly, eyes already skimming on the menu.

“Don’t need no boys helping me eat, but you owe me a lot after this, bro. You get it?” With a nod of confirmation and a short smile, Jungkook quickly heads to the place he knew he would find you.

*

You don’t even know what you are doing, seated in the usual coffee shop you always visit with Jungkook. You have been sitting in the cafe for nearly two hours, munching on the countless foods you order from the menu, yet you can’t hold back the obnoxious, ugly feeling in your chest — especially when the barista is asking where Jungkook is when you ordered your usual. It’s literally on you—you were the one setting up both your best friends who greatly deserve and like each other together, so why is it so painful to face the possibility that they are having a nice date in her favorite Mexican restaurant right now?

Great. Now you are crying. God, you must look hideous, no make up, alone with plates of food in front of you. You can’t even imagine what people must be thinking about you right now, since even you are disgusted with yourself.

“I better go home.” You sigh, ready to pick the bill when a soft bell tingling is heard and you do not know whether you can believe your eyes or not, but it signals Jungkook’s entrance. He is wearing a dark blue sweater you bought him for his birthday a year ago, walking pensively to your table. Just looking at him immediately quickens your heartbeat, too loud you can distinctly hear it rings in your ear. What is happening? Why is he here, not more than an hour in the date? That look—Is he mad at you?

“Y/N, before I am going to be angry at you for setting me up with your best friend, I want to hit pause. Okay?” He calmly speaks, resting his bag on the floor. You look at him with teary eyes, still shocked for only his presence so you hesitantly nod. 

“Are you okay? After Seokjin, I mean. I heard about it.” Jungkook whispers, trying for a slow approach to the said matter. You don’t even know how he knows, yet you don’t really care.  “I’m sorry.”

You finally gather your courage to let out your voice, eyes still training on your lap. “Don’t be. It’s hard, but I’m okay. We just realize it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Do you want a hug?” Jungkook good-naturedly offers like it's the most usual thing to do inside a coffeeshop, and you can’t hold the chuckle which he follows. “We always hug it out whenever we are sad. I don’t know about you, but it always works for me. Your hugs are the best.”

You know he probably does not imply anything, so you nod, because you are desperately in need of your best friend’s hug right now. When everything is hard, it feels nice to have someone who completely understands and is willing to listen, instead of telling you what you need to do. That’s the kind of friendship you have with him, and you are thankful neither of you has given up on each other even with the constant fights.

After a good ten minutes just having each other close in a hug—his arms secured around your shoulder while you lean your head on his annoyingly sturdy chest—you let your best friend go. “God, we must be looking like two moron right now.” You whisper, noticing a few glances are thrown at your table and Jungkook snickers, agreeing with your comment. You snort. “More like because you look like a fucking idol and I look a hobo. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Hey, I just arrived from Busan and I directly come here without even changing.” He pouts and you chuckle, feeling the butterflies vividly knocking on your stomach. He helps you asking for the bill, and when it arrives, he directly gives the waiter his card and you angrily shove him away.

“Jungkook, if you pay for the food you don’t even touch, I swear to god—”

“But it's my turn to pay!” He protests and you roll your eyes.

“It’s not, because you did not even eat a thing.”

He quickly munch on the leftover fries, giving the waiter his card and pushing the confused man away before you can snatch the card back. You hiss, seriously feeling guilty for letting him pay for the whole thing. “God, I am starving! Can I eat this?” He asks, munching on your half eaten pasta without waiting for you. You just stare at him, happily eating your food and you can’t hold down the smile.

“Can I have this coffee too?” He politely asks, pointing at your black coffee and you sigh. 

“Jungkook, once again I tell you, you do not like black coffee. I’ll just order you anything.” You are about to call the waiter again when he holds you back.

“I like everything you like, Y/N. I think this goddamn coffee has grown on me.”

But he is completely bullshitting you—and probably himself because as his lips touch the glass to take a sip, he instinctively grimaces at the strong, bitter taste. Gosh, an idiot and somehow you still call him your best friend.

“Jungkook, do you want me to order you a banana milkshake?” You kindly offer like the coffee thing did just not happen, and he answers with a 1000 watt smile that leaves you strangely speechless.

“My hero.”

After exactly another hour talking about the cousin’s wedding he attended a few days ago, both of you and him exit the coffeeshop. You can’t hide your blush when the barista is secretly teasing you with his goddamn eyebrow, not that Jungkook can notice. God, you wish he doesn’t notice.

“Can we walk to your apartment? Are you okay? it’s a little bit cold.” Jungkook worriedly asks, and you nod as an agreement. He smiles serenely at you, his hand runs to fix your messy hair—courtesy of the wind. His fingers delicately put a strand of lost hair to the back of your ear, and smile with all his bunny teeth on display after being satisfied with the result. God, you wish he would not notice how nervous you are right now.

During the short walk filled with comfortable silence, he reaches your hand, tightly intertwining it with his fingers. All the things he does are not special—you nearly do it every time in your so-called platonic friendship, but everything definitely has changed. But the fuzzy feeling quickly turns into nerves when you sense the inevitable talk is coming, as he points to one of the benches in front of your apartment building.

“I am angry at you.”

You look up to him, expecting anger on his face when you found none, instead a thin smile. “You set me up with your best friend. What were you thinking, Y/N?”

“You said you liked her. And I know you need a push to finally do something about it, that’s why I did it.” You guiltily try to defend yourself. Jungkook sighs, suddenly feeling remorse of what the conversation will turn into.

“But.. I don’t know whether we want to discuss this, but here goes—we kissed that night, Y/N. Does it even mean anything to you?” 

And now it is there. The hurt, the frustration, the anger shown on his beautiful doe eyes. You know it is coming — the inevitable confrontation about that night. But how can he even ask such question to you? Doesn’t he know it nearly keeps you awake every night?

“You were drunk, Jungkook. And horny... I was—we were just caught up in the moment.”

He scoffs in disbelief. “I don’t know about you, but I was not just caught up in the moment.” Jungkook curtly answers, taking a deep breath of courage. He hopes he doesn’t mess up everything and end up chasing you away yet again.

“Can’t you see it, Y/N? I like you. I like you so much for how it seems like a long time ago, but idiot me, somehow I just realize everything now.”

At his answer, your head feels like it is about to explode. But you are too scared, too realistic to even think about the possibility that he may truly mean every word. “You can’t lie to me like that, Jungkook! I am not the girl you can play with like your one night stands. I do not want to be just another number to you.”

“But you're not just another number to me!” He agitatedly hisses, letting his emotions open up on the table. “You think it doesn’t kill me? I think about it nearly everyday. I think about you and Seokjin. I think about you rejecting me. I think about you and our ten years friendship currently on the line. Do you think it has been just a walk in the park for me?”

He takes a deep breath. “I like you, Y/N. I like you so much it kills me for you to close me off that night we kissed. I thought everything was clear—my obvious feelings for you, but just now, you set me up with your best friend. How fucking great!”

The tears welling in your eyes are forcing to come out. “You don’t know how afraid I was, Jungkook. You can’t even imagine how it was for me! I like kissing you—I think I like it a little bit too much—but when you said you wanted to fuck in the car, I felt… I felt disgusted. You were drunk, and I felt like you were just using me for my body, like I’m just another dumb girls who you’ll fuck and never call back. I.. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

The statement you let out just brings a whole new guilt on his chest, and he moves to hold you close. “What were you thinking, Y/N. I would never do that to you…”

“How can I think of that? Are you shitting me right now? Jungkook, you slept with at least three girls a week, and you explicitly told me about fucking these girl nearly everyday before. So you expect me to comply and fuck you in that car, ruining our friendship because you only want to fuck me and wet your dick?!”

“Y/N, I swear it is not that. I like you too much, and I got so jealous of Seokjin—I am sorry that I make you feel that way. But I swear to god, at that time I just wanted to show you how much I like you, and I am sorry if it came out that way.”

You take a deep breath, but even doing it suffocates you. “I just need some time. That’s it. Can we… can we just pretend this never happens?” You sigh tiredly, and at your word, Jungkook feels hit with a ton of brick until he is completely numb. You want to disregard everything that happened?

“I am heading upstairs. You.. you can just head home now.” You whisper, and every word coming out hurts you back like it hurts him, but you need this. You need some time to think about everything. You don’t want to hurt yourself again—just seeing him now hurts so fucking bad already. Jungkook is not emotionally ready for you. He just caught up in the moment of drunkenness, and he doesn’t mean it. You should just stop thinking about it.

You are about to leave to cry your eyes to sleep, when you heard him call from behind.

“Here. I bought this for you. Don’t worry, Y/N.  I’ll leave.”

And you can hear the steps of his boots, walking far and far away until it disappears in the  silence. Now that he is not here, you find the wind is ten times colder, and the pain in your chest multiplies a thousand times. It’s only you now, alone with your thoughts. You brave yourself to turn back, seeing a box of chocolate resting on the bench, which then leaves you a crying mess.

It’s the exact chocolate he gave ten years ago to the girls, the one you ate when you saved him from the humiliation he faced. How could he even get this?

To : Y/N

Thank you for saving me again that day. And the day after. And the day after, until today. I owe you my life :)

With love, your vermillion faced favorite person in the world.

Jeon Jungkook.

*

Another week passes, and Jungkook wakes up with a groan inside of his room he shared with Taehyung. God was he trashed last night. His frat was having another party, and he may or may not steal a few bottles and decided to trash himself whilst playing Overwatch—he can’t even remember when or how. His back is killing him for falling asleep with bent back, his face plastered on the keyboard.

He tries to straighten up, but the dizziness from suddenly standing up washes him away that it takes some time to get used to. His lips are as dry as sahara, yet he found no bottle of water that may relieve the thirst—seriously, Jungkook? Stealing two bottles of vodka but forgot to bring up a bottle of water? God he is a moron sometimes.

He walks out of the room, descending to the downstairs with his head still banging painfully due to the bad hangover. He is about to head directly straight to the kitchen, but his steps are paused when he finds Seokjin currently having his breakfast on the table, with… you.

The first thought that comes to his mind is how different you look—you look pale and tired, the dark eyebags are getting prominent and it does look like you haven’t been sleeping well. The thoughts finally come closing when he realizes how awkward the air has become, you, Seokjin and himself on such close distance. Jungkook can’t bear the bitter thoughts of you, having your usual breakfast with Seokjin. God, he must be a bother—so he quickly enters the kitchen, intends to grab a drink and forces himself out of the picture.

“Jung—Jungkook, can we talk? Outside, I mean. I want to tell you something.”

He looks back, not expecting to find you standing up and walking to him to the kitchen. 

“We can. Do we need Seokjin to join as well?” He bitterly shoves the water inside his throat, not even minding how petty he must have sounded. 

“No. No need. I need to talk to you alone.” You beg, internally praying that Jungkook will not make it harder than it already is. All you want to do is say what you needed to say, then run away and bury yourself alive beside the nearest tree. 

Jungkook hums, and follows your hesitant step to the backyard of his frat house. But now that he is seeing you in such close distance, makes him realize that he terribly misses seeing you and talking to you. The week after the confession he let out, he decides to give you the space you deserve—no matter how desperate he is to just send you a message and ask how you’re doing. He can’t even deny that he went to your faculty a few times before, wanting to just see how you are doing even from afar. He knows how cringey and creepy that thought is, but he seriously can’t stand the idea of not having to see your face during those times. Checking up on you is like something he has been doing for ten years now, and he doesn’t intend to stop just because you need your own space.

Now you are standing with him, yet he thoughtfully motion so you can sit on the patio wall. The first touch he gave you since the last encounter, and it successfully turns you ten times nervous than you already are. Will you even be able to say what you need to say when he is right there, looking at you like that?

“Before you say anything, can I ask why are you having breakfast with Seokjin?” He starts, somehow unable to disregard the scene he just witnesses. He doesn’t know why, but he feels somehow sad and anxious that you are spending such an intimate breakfast with him. Sensing that Jungkook is indeed dead serious, and so are you, you decide not to beat around the bush and answer him with the truth.

“It’s nothing. I just wanted to see you and he was there, having his breakfast. He was just being polite.” 

“Jungkook, I want to say I am sorry.” You whisper directly and cut to the chase, intending to look him in the eyes but still failing to do so. All because you are nothing but a nervous pile of mess. “I.. I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t set you up with Lia just because of my insecurities. I thought I was doing you some good, but that was my fault to overstep it. And I shouldn’t have been angry at the thoughts that you were just playing with me—it’s only in my head and I accused you for it. It’s so unfair for you, I.. I want to apologize.”

Both of you fall into deep and tense silence, waiting for the other to speak up. But falling too uncomfortable with the silence, you decide to open your voice again. “Aren’t you going to say anything? Are you still angry at me?”

“Shouldn’t you apologize for one more thing?” Jungkook calmly asks, basking in your appearance once again like it’s never enough. God, are you even eating well? You hesitantly look up, confused with his words. What does he mean by that?

“The way you expect us to forget everything happened.” He winces soundly just by saying the word he refuses to acknowledge since the moment he heard it. Just thinking about the word you said a few nights back still brings fresh pain inside his chest. “That’s actually what hurts me the most. I don’t really care about the other.” You bit your lower lips. Is it just your hallucination or Jungkook seriously asking that?

Jungkook racks his brain, trying to articulate his thoughts yet failing to do so. Then he gives up, letting his heart do the talking instead. “I like you, Y/N. I don’t want to scare you—but I might even be in love with you. These past few years are so clear now. I like you, I always have feelings for you but it was so clouded with any friendly, somehow platonic feelings I thought I have and I don’t know—what happened with us just awakened me, making me realize  that I don’t want anyone else but me to be the one taking care of you.”

The newfound sincerity in his words astonishes you. Your breath hitches, with his words coming in and out of your mind, yet it still feels unsettled. Does he really mean it? 

“I guess I was just too busy with myself, with my own ways of hiding the pain I felt. But I realize, it was not any parties, or meaningless sex or any other things that makes me happy. I thought it was, but it’s not.” Jungkook takes your chin, pleading for you to look up to him. You are too overwhelmed by emotion, and you are thankful he asked you to sit because if you weren’t, your leg would give you away.

“It’s you. It’s always you.” He proclaims, as clear as the sky upon him. “It’s breakfast with you, talking with you everyday, seeing you be happy and be the one causing it. That’s what makes me happy.”

At such sentiment, the tears swimming in the corner of your eyes finally falls, streaming on the side of your cheek. He quickly pulls you close, his head entangles on your hair and your hands basked on his waist tightly, like you are holding it for dear life.  “Jungkook, I am scared. I don’t want to lose you... What if everything goes wrong and then I lost you forever?”

Jungkook kisses the top of your head. God, he is scared beyond words too. But he loves you too much, he believes in what you both have and is ready to take his chances. “We’ll make it through. I can’t promise you much, but I promise I’ll always look out for our best interests. You won’t lose me. I am your best friend before anything, Y/N.”

You nod, somehow assured by his words. You know it’s going to be hard to believe—even your past self would too, but you trust him with all your heart. Jungkook has been one constant thing in your life, and you trust him and are willing to put everything on the line because frankly, you love him, and he loves you. Maybe it’s time to finally be brave enough to face anything and take that risk. Only because it is him.

Another moment of holding each other close when Jungkook fucking opened his mouth and decided to ruin everything. “So.. Can I kiss you now?” He jokingly whispers and you snort, all sappy moments crumbling down to ashes. An amused chuckle somehow did escape your lips, and he pouts. “Hey, let me kiss you, you pretty girl. Seriously, I kissed you once, and god, that’s all I can think of this past week.”

You roll your eyes, heart beating rapidly fast in your chest. You are going to shrug his face away from you, but the moment you can clearly look up to him, you feel warm and giddy. His face is saying everything, shaded vermillion red while shyly looking down on you. A flashback comes inside your head, reminding you about the eleven year old kid with the same shade of vermillion on his face. He is still the same Jungkook you know—the Jungkook you love and wouldn’t trade for anything in the whole world.

His lips advance closer to yours yet you are the one to close the distance between. To have your lips finally touch against his chapped one, you can feel the same firework lights up, only ten times better now that you finally is truthful to your own feeling. God does it feel amazing to feel it to have him against your lips. Both of you are too content with even such innocent kisses, feeling the smile forming in each of your lips, inevitably bringing up a laughter.

“Fucking finally!”

At the loud roar, you quickly push Jungkook until he falls a few steps back, completely shocked beyond words to hear the shouts behind you—which belongs to Taehyung, somehow with Lia shutting him instantly on the mouth. There are few other frat brothers like Jimin and Namjoon as well, smiling meaningfully in front of the door. You shyly duck your head, god, how long have they been standing there? This is embarrassing!

“Are you going to hit them or should I?” You whisper, walking outside from the back door with Jungkook on your side, escaping the loud shouts and woo from the people standing there. Jungkook chuckles with mirth at your reddened abashed face. Is it a good time for him to say how adorable you are right now, with a burst of red coloring your cheek?

“No worries, I will.” He kisses your supple cheek. “But objectively speaking, I do think Lia has rights for that. She is the one helping me to get you since god-knows-when.” Jungkook smiles endearingly, holding you close around the shoulder when it’s finally just the two of you, brushing a kiss on the top of your head. You chuckle knowingly, and Jungkook stops to see you straight on the eye.

“Aren’t you going to ask me when, why or how? I mean about the chasing you thing with Lia.” He asks seriously, yet apparently can’t get his hands far from you as he reaches for your cheek, softly brushing it delicately with his fingers. You hum, somehow content with his touches. God, you sure like him so much it hurts.

“Baby—you’re cute. But actually it’s Lia who convinces me about you.” You chuckle, and Jungkook scrunch his eyebrows, yet still falling shy at the nickname that sounds entirely different now that you are the one saying it to him. “She told me everything. And that’s actually when I realize that I can trust you. With all my heart.”

Jungkook smiles, heart turning warm from your statement and still, the endearing nickname. “On the light note, you called me your baby. Ugh, can I kiss you again, pumpkin?” He cheekily asks, and your hearts light up at the familiar yet so strange nickname that now it feels different to have him as your lover.

You smirks, holding his palm against your cheek, taking in his disheveled, morning appearance once again. He looks extensively cute with his button nose and reddened cheeks, his disheveled morning hair still super inviting to have your fingers running through it. And it is unfair that somehow he looks his best now, better than anything you have seen him before. High chance it is because for you, the best thing for Jungkook to wear is his smile—especially when it’s because of you.

“Not if you have to ask again every time you don’t.”

He smirks and pulls you by the nape, muttering an answer against your smiling lips. He seriously wouldn’t mind doing this every second of the day.

“Deal.”

========

Finally! nearing 25k, wow this is a lot to write. But it was so much fun and i hope you like it! let me know and lets talk :) kindly check my masterlist !

UPDATE #1 : Drabble posted on masterlist! Do check lovelies! <3

UPDATE #2 : Find the Taehyung spinoff, “The Platinum Rules” click here!

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze hide for fun

a lot of these are just stupid headcanons but a lot are also how i feel that’s just the way he is so

I know no one will read this it’s so very long but hello he’s my comfort character

(the words are under the cut bc THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS)

thoughts: It’s funny because most of the characters that I really love are just fucking idiots. So stupid. No thoughts head empty. And like at first glance you’d think the same with Hide, he’s got the look of a real dumbass, but he’s actually a really smart person? He just kind of, hides it. He did say he was like allergic to books once (it’s the adhd, king) but that doesn’t change the fact that he emotionally is actually a very intelligent person. It’s something he’s humble about because I don’t believe he really identifies with the intellectual crowd or sees himself as particularly above average, he just finds it easy to understand things. And he doesn’t ever use it for his own advantage even when it would be totally fine to do so, he pretty much always uses it to help other people and I think he believes if he used his strengths to help himself it would be, like, selfish. Which is a problem of his.

gemder n brand of gay: A lot of people in yonder Fandom like to see kaneki as bi and hide as gay but nah fam you’re off. Honestly I do not care about his Date With Rize in the slightest, that man is a homosexual. Hide is the bi one. (it’s not like this is a requirement or anything lmao i am just Saying also i’m bi and i’m projecting) I can also say with confidence that date with Rize was the only date Kaneki’s ever been on and he was definitely lying to himself. (i just, don’t know how you could look at Haise specifically and for one second think he has ever seen a boob) Hide’s the one who’s probably dated people before and he actually knows what’s attractive, he probably just doesn’t discuss that a lot with Kaneki since the bitch is Closeted and hide knows this. It’s funny because Hide canonically has two dads. Like I think that kind of explains him tbh. Bitch has good parents??? He’s the only one but we love him for it. U know Kaneki spent more of his life at Hide’s house than his own.

And as to gender, like obviously hide’s a guy, but i think he’s one of the few cisgenders who could like... tell you why. He’s well versed in those kinds of issues and has just thought about it a lot I guess? He’s comfortable in his skin and with a conventionally masculine appearance but he could tell you what Boy TM means other than yo macho man dude bro guy

personality type- ENFP-T: I took the fucking test for him and it was like... so easy. Took me ten minutes. 

basically what this means is it just calls him out as a fucken loud ass sunshine boy who has very many emotion and cares way too much about his friend

love how this part of the description describes kaneki and hide perfectly

biggest strength: he’s so good at helping people?? Like I can honestly say if some random person started rambling about their relationship issues to him I’d give him 10 minutes before he had a perfect solution, he had the person crying and being comforted in just the right way. He’s the perfect medium of confident and caring and he’s not just a fucking ray of sunshine on accident, he’s like, mob psycho 100 style actively working to be nice and compassionate. He’s very aware of how his actions affect people and he always knows just the right thing to say, what to do, when to just let things go or when to say them. And Hide will forgive, literally anything, even if someone does something really shitty to him he’ll realize it’s the product of like, unresolved mental issues or something and seek to fix it instead of cutting the person off. It’s... really good for everyone around him. But well,,, not great for him, see below.

biggest weakness: bitch does nOT leave room for himself. Although he is generally a confident person and isn’t very insecure, he knows he’s giving too much of himself and simply ‘pretend i do not see it but in reality i do’. He’s never put himself first and feels more worthy when he makes someone else happy, and it’s really not that visible but it can take a pretty big toll on him. He’ll feel anger and frustration for his problems but eventually he will end up blaming himself for anything that goes wrong and will just resolve to Try Harder. (which, mood) He does problem solve well and he tries to come up with the best solutions to issues but the fact is he just does not prioritize his own happiness within those solutions. He gives too much and it’s fucking killing him.

what he likes most about himself: Although he does have issues obviously, I don’t see Hide as someone who has particularly low esteem of himself. I think he pretty much thinks he has himself figured out and therefore other people’s problems come first. He generally does, think fondly of himself, because most of the time he can fix people’s problems so he’s yknow, a good person. I think he likes his ability to enjoy life and live in the moment, and he likes his connections and friendships with other people. He values emotional connection and he likes that he can easily create and enjoy good vibes. He loves being the one who everyone just... goes to for a good time.

favorite things: I think I heard somewhere that he enjoys dumb american bands without really understanding what they’re saying which seems very on brand for him, but I’m gonna perscribe him some other stuff too. Obviously he likes bright colors and comic books, and places where he can have fun with other people. He generally likes college, even though it’s like, school, and unlike kaneki he actually had a good childhood and he enjoys the places he spent time and formed good memories, he has Nostalgia TM (see unbelievable by owl city hmmm he vibes to that he was born in 1996 or something right i can’t google things) he also just really likes to just, fix other people’s problems but we’ve covered that. 

what he’s doing right and what he’s doing wrong: Hide is doing his best. He’s no less flawed than any of the other characters in tokyo ghoul, it’s just that his strategies tend to involve 100% less murder. Ok no, let me rephrase that, Hide is flawed, but i meant like emotionally, he’s not a war criminal like everyone else. He may seem at first glance like, just, perfect? Sorry for being a simp lmao but I feel like from the outside he’s just got it all together right? He knows what he’s doing and he’s super nice and helpful and smart and humble and just doesn’t have any visible flaws? He... tends to hide any evidence that he would ever be struggling. And that’s not very sexy of him. He feels it would be a burden on others to show pain or ever say he can’t take something on (if someone asked him to do something he’d do it even if he was already mentally at capacity etc) and that’s something he needs to work on. The good thing is that if they got to a point where after Kaneki’s Character Development they got to just... like, be happy and not be separated and everything Kaneki would be good for him because he compliments that. Hide helps him because he needs a lot of like, mental counseling lmao but now that Kaneki’s gone through a lot of that his eyes have been opened more to the fact that Hide hides his problems from Kaneki so if they could just bE HAPPY this is an issue that could be resolved

insecurities: I think Hide kind of believes he’s not allowed to be sad. Cause it’s like, not his job. He’s the source of happiness for everyone else, supposed to have everything together so he can fix everyone else’s problems. he’s not allowed to be in pain or feel bad for himself even though he knows “Boys Can Cry” it’s like, yes boys can cry, not me tho haha lmao it’s not about his masculinity it’s just he’s like “yeah but kaneki’s had it worse” so like if he finds himself in a bad place, he feels inadequate and like... fundametally broken. and it’s. Like. I felt that but also like king that’s not how it works

goal in life: I think he wouldn’t really be able to answer that question. What the truth would be is that he probably wants to do something grand and important that helps a lot of people and kind of changes the world. But he might not really think of it that way, since he’s usually focused more on smaller more isolated issues and he has no idea what he wants to do as a career. He admires activists and people who put themselves at risk but it probably makes him feel inferior that someone else is Doing Something About This Big Problem and he’s just sitting there riding around on his bisexual bike and being in college. (I’d like to say he’s probably changed majors at least a few times,,, that man was like “oh yeah lmao i’m gonna be a comic book artist” but someone said something about how he’s a good therapist and he’s like “brb kinshift i am now a psychology major” lmao.) (hello i am projecting but i’m right) He sees a tumblr post about some issue somewhere and he hyperfixates on it for days until he sees another post about something worse it’s an issue. But I think what he ended up doing was what he wanted to, even if he never recieved any recognition for it the internal sense that he was doing something Right TM in the eyes of history would probably make him cry

how he was raised: I can’t really say much to this because there’s barely any canon on this and the canon that does exist I have completely ignored other than the fact that he has two dads. Bro tbh? He didn’t need any tragic emo backstory I think he had a great childhood. Honestly he’s probably a rich kid. Not super rich but he’s not struggling man. Not gonna lie to you I think the only reason he went to Kamii was because he wanted to be at the same college as Kaneki who probably got a scholarship. Hide, didn’t. (it’s not like he’s not intelligent but I don’t really think that his grades are his biggest priority, the only time he ever pays attention in class is to give kaneki the answers when he’s gone) 

What irks me about the random lore drop in the last chapter about him having a CCG dad that died or whatever- it kind of ruins the whole point for me. Personally I choose to believe he had nothing whatsoever to do with ghouls or the ccg before all that happened to Kaneki. He probably had correct opinions on them, but only like, in theory, it’s like straight people that are like “yeah ofc gay ppl valid” but they’ve never really had any personal experience with any. So when he gets involved in that- the fact is that the only reason he was... was bc of kaneki. It was never more complicated than that to me. YKNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST, NICE, OK? 

And I think for me that the fact that he could actively choose to be nice and be aware of all these problems when he’s practically got every advantage in life is a lot more important. He didn’t have to be poor or have a dead parent or have a shitty childhood for him to be really genuinely good. I don’t think he’s ever been bullied or anything, but he can still be aware that it sucks to be bullied. I think he was just... raised right. I think his dads are probably pretty fucking baller for him to be such a bro. They taught him the right shit.

General philosophy: Hide is one of the only people in the series for whom the dynamics of right and wrong are not hard to understand. He’s never been required to pick up a weapon or actually truly fight in the CCG, he’s never been really mean to anyone. Of course I can say he’s probably decked a few ppl that made fun of Kaneki in middle school, but haven’t we all. The thing is that though he’s never suffered at the hands of others, everything that’s hurt him he’s gone in fully consenting to it- he can still understand and forgive what everyone else has done. Like bro he’s the literal only one around who’s not like a literal war criminal, but he’s not going to think he’s better because of it, because he understands that if he had been in their circumstances he couldn’t say how he would have turned out. 

That’s why I think it’s so important that he never really had a bad childhood- he’s not better than them for turning out without any blood on his hands, because he was never required to. And he knows that and he goes through every day with all these people who have and is conscious of it. He can’t ever say he’s incapable of hurting other people, because he would have said that about Kaneki before all of it happened. So he’s quite politically correct compared to Kaneki and the others but he doesn’t see things that way.

relationship bullshit: i mean bro i know this is a serious post about like psychological and emotional things but i felt the need to discuss whY does everyone write hide as a bottom I mean like sure he’d bottom if his partner was a top but this is simply not the case with kaneki look at him. Hide. Service top. I rest my case. The man’s the biggest switch ever but when he’s a top he’s a nice top. I think Kaneki needs that to be perfectly honest. He really likes to take care of people. Also kind of off topic but his love language is quality time he just wants to play video games wit da homies and he might fall in love a bit

I find it genuinely funny how much i cannot get away from the tentacle porn on the god forsaken archive of our own just looking at the tags i already know it’s so out of character haitoheoihesdsdsa and don’t get me started on the vore

how kaneki sees him vs how he actually is: One of the biggest problems in kaneki and hide’s relationship is how in the beginning, Kaneki didn’t really understand at all that Hide could be hiding anything from him. Kaneki’s not good at picking up clues like that in general, but the fact that he was hiding so much himself didn’t help at all. Hide gives off the vibe of someone who has no inhibitions and shows every side of himself without hesitation, and Kaneki really does idolize that. He didn’t realize that Hide could possibly be suffering or imperfect compared to his vision. He sees Hide as practically an angel, and that’s exactly how Hide wants Kaneki to see him, because he doesn’t want to burden Kaneki with his own problems since he believes they’re not as important and they would make Kaneki sad. Kaneki knew Hide wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, but he didn’t really understand what that meant until too late. The good thing about Kaneki’s character development though is that it then helps Kaneki understand that Hide was suffering because of him and he didn’t want Hide to hide it anymore (lmao). If they’d only executed that point well that could have been really good but well that’s what fanfic is for

how he sees kaneki vs how kaneki actually is: This one’s a lot more difficult, because well. Hide’s very good at knowing exactly how people are in their hearts, compared to Kaneki. But there are definitely some things that he’s not super up on. He wasn’t around for a lot of Kaneki’s development, so most of the time I think he still believes Kaneki doesn’t want to see his pain, which is, simply incorrect, Kaneki would obviously not be happy to hear it but it would tear him up inside to realize he’s been oblivious to it the whole time. He’s grown a lot more mature since he spent most of his time with Hide, and I really think Hide could benefit from being able to open up to Kaneki the way he is now. And well. I think his biggest misconception has to be that Kaneki enjoyed women lmao

the most him thing i’ve ever done: listening to a happy upbeat song and visibly bopping while also uncontrollably sobbing

miscellaneous headcanons: 

-he’s a morning person lmao. Motherfucker gets up at 6 AM and Kaneki is like PL EA SE NO

-what he finds attractive is like. twinks and girls with hair in colors that don’t exist and ppl who don’t know what gender is

-He likes Imagine Dragons lmao you can see by the next point

-his coping mechanisms are mostly music and other people tbh he’s like “oh i am having emotions? disgusting” *goes to a party*

-he plays dnd and he mains a warlock i don’t make the rules

-he doesn’t look like someone who would do that shit but he probably knows how to use tarot cards

-idk how but that motherfucker is so neurodivergent i can smell the hyperempathy on him look at that man he has so much adhd

-he’s fully aware that his fashion sense is terrible and continues to wear more and more ridiculous clothes to piss kaneki off

-this man has tungle dot fuck. Look at him. His url is probably something along the lines of my ao3 username lmao

-he can see the forbidden shrimp colors smh

-this bitch likes mob psycho 100 and the promised neverland, kaneki keeps telling him to watch death note and he’s just like n   o hhsdfhhfdshdfshdfs he probably kins tpn emma

-he doesn’t know how to drive lmao he bikes everywhere and he lives in tokyo

-i am once again thinking about how he was in a play with kaneki and kaneki was the main character and he was the spicy side character that’s not a headcanon just. that

songs that are, him: 

-Stand By You (Rachel Platten)

-Luck (American Authors)

-Love (Imagine Dragons)

-If I Lose Myself (One Republic)

-Stardust (New Politics)

-Secrets (also one republic)

-Flaws (Bastille)

-100 Bad Days (AJR)

-I Lived (another one republic lmao)

-Battle Scars (Paradise Fears)

-Rise Up (Imagine Dragons)

yeah he definitely listens to this shit lmao

[fanfic-requests]

The Angel Next Door - Chapter 2

8:15 am…

“Good morning. Sleep well?” My mom is way too chipper in the morning.

“Yeah. I guess.”

“Wow. Very detailed answer.”

“What? Do you want me to tell you how I drooled on my pillow and rolled off the bed twice?”

“Actually, kinda.”

“You’re weird.”

“What’s up slugger?” Dave walks in.

“Nothin’.”

“Wow babe, you’re kid’s quite the wordsmith.” I’m about to respond in a not-so-nice way, but I hold it back.

“When’s the pool gonna be ready?”

“It’ll be a few weeks.” My mom hands me a glass of orange juice.

“Thanks.” I start walking away.

“Hey! No food or drinks upstairs.” I turn to face Dave, really tempted to throw the OJ in his face.

“So no water? What about vitamins? Technically they’re food.”

“Haha, smart aleck.” He turns away from me and I flip him off.

My mom gives me a look that says “stop it!” and I just turn away, leaving my OJ on the nearest table.

When I get to my room I am very tempted to slam the door, but somehow manage to not do so. I open my window and just step out onto the deck to get some fresh air for the moment. And yet again there’s Asher. He seems to be playing some video games. So I reach into my room, grab a sock, ball it up, and throw it at his window. And he doesn’t notice. Son of a bitch. So I grab a pen and throw it. This time he notices and walks over to his window.

“What you doing?”

“Just playing some Madden.”

“Sounds fun.” I stand up, run across the roof, and jump across the gap between our roofs, landing directly in front of him.

“Shit! Dude!” He looks freaked out and I just start laughing.

“It’s all good. Now, are you gonna let me in and get destroyed in Madden? Or are we gonna just stand here like some weirdos from a 90s rom-com?”

“You’re crazy.” He steps back to let me in.

“I take that as a compliment.”

“You shouldn’t.”

I sit on his bed while he grabs another controller.

“I can’t believe you’re even awake right now. Did you even sleep?”

“I don’t sleep much.”

“So you’re super athletic and don’t sleep. Are you sure you’re not Spiderman?”

“Nope. Just a retired gymnast.”

“Gymnast?”

“What? You didn’t get gymnast off me?”

“Not at all.”

“Good.”

“How are you already retired?”

“Well I guess retired isn’t the right word. Just the one my mom uses.” I spot a photo on Asher’s desk and walk over. “It’s more that I got sick of it and left.” The photo is of him and what I’m assuming are his mom, dad, and younger brother and sister. “This your fam?”

“Yeah. From our trip to the Bahamas last summer.”

“Looks fun.”

“You’re parents seem nice. Saw them unpacking yesterday.”

“Dave’s not my dad.” I make sure to emphasize that.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“No problem. Most people assume that.” I sit back down next to him. “My dad’s out of the picture now. Dave’s the evil stepfather.”

“Sorry.”

“He’s just the stereotypical evil step-parent. It’s actually his fault that we moved here. Some business opportunity or whatever.”

“That sucks. I’m sorry about that.”

“You say sorry a lot.”

“Sor… Oops.” We both laugh.

“Now can we just play or are you scared of losing?”

“What? You’re the one that started talking about Dave.”

“Oh shut up!” I shove him and he shoves me back as we laugh.

“That was just dumb luck.” I stand up, throwing the controller on the bed.

“Dumb luck? 12 times in a row?”

“Oh fuck you.” Asher laughs. “Let’s do something else. Go out or something.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Out.”

“You sound like my mom.”

“I haven’t met her, but I’m assuming she’s amazing.”

“Eww.”

“Let’s go.”

“Wait. Let me at least tell my parents.”

“Fine. Come on.” I open his bedroom door and standing right there is his mom.

She smiles at me, looking very confused.

“Hi. I’m Spencer.”

“Hey.” She looks very confused, but luckily Asher comes walking up.

“He’s the new neighbor.”

“Oh! Really good to meet you. I was planning on dropping by to say hi to your parents later.”

“Oh, they’d love that.”

“I didn’t even hear you come in earlier.”

“Oh… yeah… I’m very quiet.” Asher and I share a funny look.

“Well, Spencer and I were just about to go out. Can I borrow the car?”

“Sure. Where are you guys going?”

“Oh… um…” Asher is nervous and part of me doesn’t want to save him.

“He’s going to show me around town.”

“That’s nice. You guys have fun.”

Asher and I run out to the car.

“Do you need to go and get shoes? Maybe tell your mom and Dave that you’re going out?”

I look to the house for a second.

“Nah.” I jump into the car and I just see Asher smirk at that.

“Is he really that bad?” He asks as he drives out of the driveway.

“Worse. But everyone loves him. He’s only awful to me, and never in public.”

“Like… is he…”

“No. He’s not physical. He wouldn’t even dare. I would knock him out with one hit and he knows it.”

“Damn.”

“Let’s move on to something else.”

“Like what?”

“Tell me a summary of your life… in 60 seconds.”

“Oh…”

“Begin!”

“Shit! My name is Asher Angel…”

“Angel?”

“Shh. Since I was a kid I’ve been very into acting and singing. Got my first big gig at the age of six. From there on I’ve done a lot of plays and then a few small gigs before getting a major role on Disney Channel’s Andi Mack. I’ve released multiple albums. Then I got the role as Billy Batson in Shazam.”

“Five seconds.”

“Oh, and I love Top Golf, basketball, and my sibling’s names are Avi and London.” I just look over at him, unable to speak. “You good?”

“Um… describe good.” We both laugh. “Well, now I feel ridiculous. How did I not recognize you? I’ve seen Shazam!”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I liked it a lot too.” Asher can’t help but laugh. “Well, now I’m embarrassed.”

“Don’t be.”

“And now my life story feels pathetic.”

“I doubt it. No way your life could be boring. The first time I saw you you were sneaking off your roof.”

“ It’s fine. Let’s move on.”

“Come on. I won’t judge.”

“Wait! Stop here!” I point to our left.

“What? The playground?”

“What? It’s empty.” He pulls over and I quickly get out of the car.

I rush over to the bars. I jump on them and just start swinging around.

“You’re crazy.”

“Come on. Who says a playground is just for kids?”

“Everyone.”

“Well, kids can’t do this.”

I know this isn’t the safest, but at this point, I don’t care. So I push with all my force and spin around the pole. I spin a few more times before letting go and doing a simple under swing dismount.

“Shit!” Asher starts clapping.

“Thank you. Thank you.” I bow to him.

“I think it’s so cool that you can do that.”

“It is pretty cool, isn’t it? Bars aren’t really my thing though. I’m more of a floor guy.”

“Floor guy? That sounds a bit gross.” We both laugh.

“Eww.” I step back and quick front handspring.

“Shit. Can you do the splits?”

“Of course. But not in these pants.”

“So why’d you quit? You’re so good.”

“Swings!” I run to the swings.

“You’re really good at avoiding things. You know that, right?” Asher sits on the swing next to me.

“I know. You got a girlfriend?”

“Wow. What a transition there!”

“And?”

“No. I don’t have a girlfriend. Well, I did, but we broke up a few months ago.”

“Bummer.”

“And you? You leave a girl behind?”

“Oh god no. But I’ve had a few boyfriends. Not a recent one though.”

“Oh... “ I love seeing people’s faces when they realize I’m gay. “Sorry I assumed.”

“It’s fine. Most people do.”

“So you’re out?”

“Yeah. For two years now.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, are your parents fine with it?”

I sit there for a second and just stare forward. Part of me just wants to run, but I’m honestly just too tired to keep running.

“Well, my mom was fine with it. She told me she knew for a long time.” I feel my heart racing, thinking about all of this. “As for my dad…” I literally begin feeling my chest moving at a dangerous speed.

“You okay?”

“Not really.” I find my eyes tearing up, but then I just laugh.

“You sure.”

“Not really.” I laugh again. “When I was six my parents divorced. And I was given the choice of who I wanted to live with. I choose my dad.”

“Oh…” I can tell he’s intrigued like it’s a telenovela… and it is.

“So I lived with him. But I still saw my mom every weekend. We were close. But I was much closer with my dad.”

“That’s nice.” I can’t help but laugh at that and he just looks at me confused.

“Two years ago I came out to my parents. My dad couldn’t handle it. He kicked me out. I didn’t even get to pack. My mom picked me up and she had to pack all my stuff.”

“Damn. I’m sorry.” It is a struggle to not let my tears out right now.

“It’s all good.”

“Have you talked to him at all?”

“Nope. Haven’t heard a single word from him for two years now.”

“I can’t imagine that.”

“It’s fine. I’ve moved on.”

“There’s no moving on from that.” And then I snap, tears slowly falling down my face.

“God I wish I had my flask right now.” Asher and I both laugh a little. “Ugh, I hate this.” I wipe my tears.

“It’s not a bad thing to cry.”

“I know…”

“Really. Emotions aren’t a bad thing. If you ever need to talk about anything just jump on over.”

“Thanks…” I look at him. “Are you sure you’re straight?” I laugh, but I notice he doesn’t.

“Wanna go get some ice cream?”

“Look who’s avoiding things now?” We both laugh. “Come on. Ice cream sounds perfect.”

[oqal]

Speaking of Waitress, When he Sees me definitely gives me a Reagan mood. Like she can make the first move if she’s interested, but with real feelings it falls through cause that shit is stressful, especially when you’ve had emotional abuse in life and can’t really tell what you’re feeling that isn’t strong like anger or sadness? Nah fam that shit hard. So staying to the literal and logical is easier, and her feelings aren’t really strong cause she’s use to having to keep them somewhat up so when things fall it isn’t super super bad,

But then just having that really big and stupid crush on Brett and just the fear of that? Fits the song context well, just

The feelings 😭

UGH YOU ARE SO RIGHT

she has so much kinda emotional damage and walls built around her heart so having a crush it's torture, she is too much of an internal emotional neglectful. and she even admitted she's been dumped by a man who she saw future with until pluto wasn't a planet

"but what scares me the most, what scares me the most,

is what if when he sees me, what if he doesn't like it? what if he runs the other way and i can't hide from it? what happens then? if when he knows me, he's only disappointed?"

her insecurities!! her abrasiveness and totally is opposite from brett's! she assumes he'd want someone better

it's confusing and she mentally punishes herself because he's too perfect for someone like her, raised by narcs and a robot bear, trauma galore. she couldn't burden brett with that and assumes brett would reject her anyways. but her heart can't skip a beat when he wraps his arm around her shoulder or she smells his musky axe during a movie night and she's softly blushing bc now all she thinks about him instead of watching the movie.

"or even worse he could be very nice, have lovely eyes. and make me laugh, come out of hiding. what do i do with that? oh, god."

and her prayer to whatever fucking god and she's lucky enough that he secretly likes her too but neither will confess. she just longs for something she can't have because she doesnt do well with mushy stuff

"i'm scared of breaking open. but still i can't help from hoping, to find someone to talk to, who likes the way i am. someone who when he sees me, wants to again."

[atlafan]

a/n: these have been in my inbox for a while, and I thought why not just get all of these into one big blurby bundle??? I think I hit the main things everyone wanted. Enjoy! There is smut in this fam! @dancinginblackandred​ @harryhiswatermelon​

Lock the Door - Blurb Four - Harry and Y/N Play House

The semester was just about to end, and finals week was upon everyone. But that didn’t mean parties weren’t still a thing. Harry was hesitant to bring Y/N over to Matt’s, but she had practically begged him to bring her out. 

“I need to de-stress, and his parties are fun.” She whines. 

“I know, but...it’s a little awkward, don’t you think? Have you two even spoken so since you hooked up?”

“No.” She shrugs. “Doesn’t he know you and I are together?”

“I haven’t had a chance to say anything. I’ve been busy working on different projects.” 

“Harry, please, bring me with you. I need to go out and have fun, and I’d rather have fun with you.” She pouts.

“God.” He leans in to kiss her. “You make it really hard to say no...” 

It’s a chilly evening, so Y/N clings to Harry’s arm as they walk. The smells of weed and alcohol fill their nostrils as they walk into the apartment. Harry finds a place to put their coats, and the second he finds Y/N, Matt has already backed her up against a wall, clearly uncomfortable. Harry rolls his eyes and comes onto the scene. He yanks Matt back by the collar of his shirt. 

“Yo, what the fuck, Harry?”

“She’s got a boyfriend, mate.”

“Oh really, who?” He crosses his arms. 

“Me.” Harry takes a step closer, getting in his face.

“Harry, relax, I was just about to tell him.” Y/N says, hoping a fight isn’t about to break out. 

“Whatever.” Matt rolls his eyes. “Her and loose cunt are worth it anyw-” Smack.

Y/N gasps as Matt hits the floor. Harry looks down at his knuckles and then to her. She grabs him and pulls him into the kitchen to get some ice. She moves people out of the way as she does so. She gets some ice from the freezer and finds a cloth to wrap it in.

“You didn’t have to do that.” She says, not looking up at him.

“Don’t even start, you heard what he said.”

“I did.” She looks up at him. “You should have let me punch him.” She winks, and he hooks an arm around her to hug her close. 

“Harry, did you just punch Matt?” One of his other friends asks.

“Yeah, he was talking shit about my girlfriend, is that a problem?”

“Nope, just wanted to confirm it was you.” He shrugs. “Didn’t know if we needed to kick some random out.”

“Nah,it was me.” 

//

Finals week was busy as fuck. This would be the last week Harry and Y/N would have until they’d both be going home for for the holidays. Sure, they’d be coming back two weeks later to be on campus for winter break, but still. Y/N just had projects or presentations, nothing she really needed to study for. But Harry was either in the computer lab working on a larger screen for his graphic design stuff, or down at the studio painting. 

Every time she looked over at his empty bed she was sad. He’d come home super late and would be too tired to even crawl into bed with her. One night she decides to order a small pizza and bring it down to him. It was kind of creepy going into the studio so late. 

“Harry?” She squeaks as she goes into the room she knows he paints in.

“Y/N?” He looks up and rubs his eyes. “Did you walk down her by yourself? It’s late.” He frowns.

“Had my keys in my hand the whole time.” She smiles. “I brought you some pizza.” 

“Aww...” He takes it from her and kisses her cheek. “Thank you.”

“I feel like I haven’t seen you all week.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” He sighs and grabs a slice. “My graphic design stuff took longer than I thought so I’m frantically trying to get things done here. I know you wanted to spend time together before we’re both gone for two weeks.” 

“It’s okay, I understand. Wanna show me what you’ve been working on?” 

He nods and walks her around to the different drawings and paintings. He explains the choices he made for each one. She was in awe of him. 

“You’re so talented, I can’t get over it.” She wraps her arms around his waist and nuzzles into his chest. “Miss you.” She mumbles. 

“Fuck, and I still have so much to do...otherwise I’d come home now.” 

“Any chance of you taking a break?” She looks up at him.

“What kind of break.” He smirks. 

“Are there cameras in here?” She looks around. 

“Not in the rooms no, just in the halls. Are you suggesting what I think you are?”

“Could be fun?” She smiles. 

He grabs her by the hips and lifts her onto the table. She giggles while he hooks his fingers into her leggings. 

“I’m very surprised by you.”

“Thought you knew by now that I’m not some goody goody.”

“I know, but this is like...really cool.” He kisses her as her hands work his belt and zipper. 

Harry slides her leggings down and leaves them around her ankles. He runs his fingers over he slit and moves her panties to the side. She groans into the kiss as he pushes his fingers inside her. 

“Still need to be quiet, I may be the only one in this room, but I’m not the only one in the building.” 

“Okay.” She whispers. 

“I don’t have any condoms with me, shit.” 

“In my jacket.” You nod over to it. 

Even though they both had been intimate a million times at this point, neither of them had been tested, so condoms were still a good idea. They both agreed to go to the doctor when you’re home. 

“You thought of everything didn’t you?” He smirks as he rifles through her jacket pocket. 

He rolls the condom on his hard cock and pulls her a little closer. her head rolls back the second his tip starts to push inside. Her legs wrap around his waist to get him even closer. She clings to him, nails digging into his back. The room was filled with the sounds of their heavy breathing and panting. 

“Shit, I’m...I’m not gonna last very long...” He groans. “You feel too good.” 

“It’s okay, just touch me.” She leans back on her elbows, and his hand immediately starts rubbing her clit, while his other clutches to her hip. 

“Fuck, Y/N.” He grunts. 

She loved making him feel this way. He also just knew exactly what to do with his hands. Her release was coming just as quick. She bites her bottom lip and put her forearm over her mouth to stifle her moans. He loses it when she does. They stay like that for a moment until they both catch their breaths. He pulls out and finds a garbage can for the condom. She hops of the table and pulls her leggings back up. 

“I hope your phone’s charged.” He says to her.

“Why?”

“Because I still have work to do, and no way am I lettin’ yeh walk back by yourself. So sit and get comfy, okay?”

“Alright.” She shrugs, too fucked out to argue. She grabs a slice of pizza and sits as he gets back to painting.

As she watches him it dawns on her that she’s totally and completely in love with Harry. She almost chokes on her pizza just thinking about it. She couldn’t tell him, could she? Would it make things weird? What if everything went wrong?

“Y/N?” Harry turns around to look at her, leaning against the table. 

“Yeah?” 

“I, uh, I love you.” 

“I love you too, Harry.” 

“Cool.” He smiles and turns back around.

“Cool.” 

//

Y/N was happy to be back on campus, especially since she had her entire apartment alone with Harry. Liv and Chris didn’t have a reason for being on campus. Y/N got an easy job working for admissions answering calls, emails, and sending out mail. Harry would usually get back from basketball practice when she’d be getting home from work. They’d cook together a lot, it was great. 

“Hey...” He was looking around your shared room. “What if we pushed our beds together like Liv and Chris?” He turns to look at you.

“We can’t.”

“Why not?” He frowns. 

“Because...well...I finally told my parents we were sharing a room like I said I would...they weren’t thrilled, but they understood with Liv and Chris. But...”

“You still haven’t told them we’re together?” He sits down next to her, clearly disappointed. “I told my mum...”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just have this fear that they’ll yank me out of here if they knew. They like you, I just think they wouldn’t understand. I mean, to them it’s like we’re playing house at a really young age.”

“So they don’t mind we’re sharing a room?”

“They’re annoyed, but they’re dealing with it. I’m sorry, Harry. I’ll tell them, I just can’t yet.” 

“Well, they always call before they visit. Why not push ‘em together, and then we can separate ‘em when they come?” 

“Oh, so you don’t like being pressed up against each other all night anymore?” She jokes.

“I love it, but it would be nice to have a bit more room to spread out.” He kisses her. “Don’t you think?” 

“I suppose.” She kisses him. 

“Are you able to come to my game tomorrow?” 

“Mhm.” She smiles. “And I’m gonna drive out to your away game this weekend. I’ll be like your personal cheerleader.”

“You’re the best.” He squishes his nose to yours and gives you another kiss. 

Harry had gotten Y/N a sweatshirt with his last name and jersey number on it for her to wear to his games. A lot of the guys did that with for their girlfriends. She was happy to wear it. She looked extremely cute sitting in the stands. She waved to him and blew him a kiss. He was a starting player, so he was very busy. 

She had completely forgotten the dance team would also be there in their skimpy outfits. Harry wasn’t allowed to chat between quarters, coach’s rules, but that didn’t apply to the dance team girls. Y/N felt annoyed when she saw him laughing with a couple of them. He looks up at her and waves though, taking all jealousy away. He only had eyes for her and she knew that. 

“Woo! Go Harry!” She would cheer and clap for him, especially when he made a basket. 

The team won the game, it was very exciting. Y/N knew it was okay to go onto the court when she saw the other girlfriends go down to their boyfriends. She races down the bleachers and practically jumped into his arms. He spun her around and kissed her.

“Sorry.” He sets her down and lets her go. “M’all sweaty. Might shower quick.” 

“Please, don’t ever apologize. You know I think you look hot like this.” She runs her hand up his tattooed arm. 

“H, meet us downtown in an hour to celebrate.” One of the guys says and he nods. 

“Feel like goin’ out?”

“Where to?”

“One of the bars.”

“But...we’re not twenty-one yet.”

“They’re cool with us during winter break usually. They’ll just stamp our hands. Then we’ll go back to Pete’s for a real party.” He grins.

“Sounds good to me.” 

Harry looks around and sees not many people going into the locker room, and tugs you to walk in there with him. 

“Harry.” She whispers. “Isn’t your coach still here?”

“You mean my female coach whose office is in the women’s locker room?” He cock’s an eyebrow at you. “Think we’re good. I need to shower and it’ll take too much time to go all the way back home.” 

“I know you don’t think I’m getting naked in here.” She crosses her arms. 

“Oh, so you’ll fuck me in the studio, but not in here?”

“Nope, sorry. It stinks in here. But...we’re gonna drive downtown right?”

“Yeah.”

“So...shower quick.” She winks and leaves the locker room.

Harry does so and meets her back in the main part of the gym. They walk out to his car and she immediately climbs into the back seat. He smirks and starts the car up so it can get warm. He joins her in the back.

“See.” She says straddling him. “Isn’t this better?”

“Mhm.” He kisses on her neck. “I love seein’ yeh wear this sweatshirt.” 

“I love wearing it.” She rolls her hips down on his. She feels him growing hard against him. “You have no idea the torture of watching you play, and get all sweaty, and see your muscles and just everything about you out there.”

“I thought it was torturous watchin’ me paint?” He says against her neck as he tugs the sweatshirt off her. 

“It is, it’s all torture. My biggest problem with you is that you’re too sexy, Harry. Everything you do is hot.” 

“I could say the same for you.” He unhooks her bra and shoves his face into her chest and groans. “This is my favorite place in the world.” He mumbles, making her giggle. “Right between.” He kisses on one of her breasts. “These big.” He kisses on the other. “Tits.” He licks around one of her nipples and sucks it into his mouth. She rolls her hips on his again, grinding against his hard-on. 

She reaches for the button on his jeans and the hem of his shirt. It was clear she wanted him naked. He rips his shirt off and tugs his jeans down. She gets hers off as well. He takes her gets her fixed on all fours. She thinks he’s about to stick it in, but she jolts when she feels his tongue. 

“Just need to taste yeh first, that alright?”

“Mhm.” 

His tongue works from her clit all the way up dangerously close to her other hole. His tongue enters her center while his thumb works her clit. 

“Harry, please, fuck me.” She groans. “Need your dick, please.” 

He pulls away from her lines his dick up with her and pushes in. They both sigh with relief. They had been using condoms less since they both came back clean. 

“You feel so fuckin’ good.” He moans.

“So do you, so big.” She bites her bottom lip. 

The windows in the car got foggy, and they could barely hear the music coming from the radio from how loud his skin was slapping against her. His balls were hitting against her clit just right. 

“Oh my god, fuck, don’t stop.” She moans. 

He moves faster and faster, and he feels her tighten around him. She lets out a moan of his name as she releases around him. He pulls out to come on her ass. She was panting and collapses onto her stomach. Harry grabs a towel from his gym bag to clean her up.

“Thanks.” She breathes. 

He hums his response as she flips over. He pulls her panties and jeans up her legs for her and she smiles big at him. 

“I love you.”She says.

“I love you too.”

They both finish getting dressed and drive down to the bar. Y/N liked Harry’s basketball friends, they were really nice. Some even had boyfriends. They all order some nachos and other junk food to split. 

Y/N knew as soon as the semester started the little bubble they were in would burst, but for now all was good. Her head was leaning on the shoulder of the guy she was absolutely smitten with. Harry Styles was in a monogamous relationship for the first time in his life, and he couldn’t be happier. 

[starfanatic]

Luke Skywalker vs Rey... Nobody

I hate the argument that a lot of sequel trilogy stans use whenever anyone criticized Rey or labels her a Mary Sue. It’s probably the weakest argument a sequel stan can ever possibly say to me. (Besides the people hate Rey because she’s a women argument).

Lets compare them shall we?

Luke Skywalker in A New Hope is whiny, inexperienced, and very naive. There is multiple moments in a new hope that proves this. When he was whining about not wanting to stay on the moisture farm and wanting to join the Academy like his friend, Biggs. He constantly was slightly annoying throughout the film, especially to Han. When Han named his price and Luke was like “We can buy our own ship with that!” or when Han was flying the Milennium Falcon and Luke was practically yelling in his ear to go into hyperspace. Han and Luke did not get along at first because of Luke’s behavior. Luke went against Obi-Wan’s orders and saved Princess Leia, not thinking of the consequences. How he could possibly be killed or put in a cell with the Princess. He doesn’t think of a plan to get out AFTERWARDS only the spur of the moment. He was constantly shown to be inexperienced and needed his friends help or HE WOULD HAVE DIED THE FIRST MOVIE. While on the millennium falcon, Obi-Wan taught him things about the force. Maybe not a lot but he knew how to use the simple basics of it. Like sensing the force and letting it guide your actions (as Obi-Wan was trying to teach him before). For once Luke listened and trusted Obi-Wan and destroyed the death star.

Lets do Rey now WHOOP. So far the only personality flaw she seems to have is that she’s also naive? She had the same wide-eyed innocence as Luke had but it’s different and here’s why. Rey never suffers for any of her so-called almost non-existent flaws. Rey is experienced enough to hold her own in a fight against men WAY stronger then her (that’s realistic though but that’s one tool in her belt). She’s bilingual. She can fly the millennium falcon better then Han Solo even though she never flew one before. She is constantly saving people by herself, never the one being saved. (Before y’all bust my balls, Rey escaped that damn starkiller base by her damn self. Luke didn’t and couldn’t). She uses powers that takes years to learn and the excuse is the force dyad. So she downloads Kylo’s skills and training. Great. Magnificent. Rey is on a amazing start. And this is the first movie! She can only get stronger from here.

Luke is more mature and responsible in ESB. He’s a respected hero of the rebellion. Luke still struggles using the force. Even with the training Luke goes through with Obi-Wan he had to truly focus to pull the lightsaber to him. Plus as a common occurrence, he still needed help from his friends. He’s not invincible. He actually gets severely hurt (makes sense). He goes to Dagobah to get trained (because unlike Rey he doesn’t have the “learn force jedi shit that takes years to learn” cheatcode). And then he’s impatient. He wants to learn how to use the force so he can help his friends. Luke is again reckless, impatient, and he’s also insecure in his own belief. Him not believing he can lift the X-wing was why he couldn’t. Against his master’s and Obi-Wan’s orders he decides to save his friends. It’s a noble reason to but it still got him fucked up. He got his hand cut off, he was beaten and humiliated, and then he was told a horrifying revalation that twisted around everything he knew and believed. He was scared of Vader, you can see it on his face, but he did not succumb to fear.

Rey goes to the island to convince Luke to go help them fight the war. Why doesn’t Leia go instead? Who knows. Why does Luke act the way he does? Who knows. Luke dismissed her and was quite rude to her. Rey was having cute little talks with Kylie Renner in their little force dyad BS. She called him a monster and a murderous snake. I like the insults. It fills me with joy! But then she finds out the truth. Rey did do something reckless and stupid but as usual she doesn’t suffer the consequences to her actions. Technically she’s morally superior to Luke because she saw the good in him and felt like she could turn him to the light (after slicing his face open. Ok). Rey decides to give herself up to the First Order thinking Kylo would save her. And he does. So she wasn’t even wrong... Rey fight the very elite guards of the (bootleg emperor palpatine) Supreme Leader Snoke. Reminder, TFA and TLJ are like 3-4 days apart. She had zero training within these days. Luke refused to train her so don’t start that bullshit. Luke trained her for like 5 minutes and none of that training had anything to do with lightsaber dueling. Rey is then told she was a nobody. Now why did Rey cry about this? I truly don’t know. How the hell would Kylo accurately know that Rey’s parents were nobody? Didnt Rey been know this from the force awakens? Eh whatever. She tries to force pull the lightsaber from Kylo Ren and do a dumbass tug a war instead of walking up and grabbing it. It reminds me of JJ and Rian fighting over where the star wars sequels). Anakin must be screaming and yelling from above... or below... idk. The lightsaber then breaks. Rey then saves her friends by showing her once again superior piloting skills that rival or is possibly better then Anakin Skywalker himself. Hitting 3 in one shot? You go girl! She then uses the force to effortlessly move the big ass boulders out of the entrance to save the resistance. Last I remember... Luke struggled to do that with a few way smaller rocks and was also focusing hard to do.

Luke is finally at jedi status! Woohoo! Now Luke first saves Han from Jabba. It shows his very dark side tendencies by choking the guards (like father like son). Luke thinks of a actual plan before going in (CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT). Luke “Chanel Boots” Skywalker goes to Yoda on his death bed. All he wants is answers but Yoda wants to be cryptic as fuck. Luke has been lied to for years by his mentors and his family. Luke’s father isn’t hero Anakin Skywalker but actually a big, asthmatic, merciless, murderous asshole who has a choking kink. Luke then says he cannot kill his own father and Obi-Wan, who believes Vader isn’t a human but a machine, has no faith in Luke. He believes that Luke will fail and the Empire would win. Luke feels the conflict and good in him that nobody else does. He knows that Vader is unloyal to the emperor and he actually cares about his own son. When he is with Han and Leia he realizes he made a mistake and has a bad feeling about it. (*gasp* Luke is not being super reckless). He’s not arrogant (not in anyway) but he’s completely confident that Vader would turn. (He isn’t flawless there is still obvious problem with this plan he has. He fails, the empire wins. He dies, the emperor wins. Vader doesn’t turn, Luke fails. Luke almost succumbs to the dark side and it’s actually plausible he might fully turn. He wants to desperately save his friends and his father has done horrible things to Luke. Luke had every reason to kill Vader. But he doesn’t. He throws the lightsaber away and foolishly puts his life in Vader’s hand. Luke doesn’t save the galaxy because he can make things levitate with the force. He wins because he had the strength to resist the dark side and has so much love and pure good in his heart he saw the good in his father.

Rey starts off with a training session (no idc it’s too fucking late now. 3 movies in? Is she doing reverse character development?) and basically Poe gets mad at Rey for not accompanying them on missions. I still don’t know why she needs training, when she is at a decent strength to fight elite guards, fight kylo ren, and a variety of other things that typically takes a long time to learn. After finding out Palpatine returned, Rey goes on a mission to find the way finder almost like a shitty videogame. I don’t even want to talk about the force dyad anymore because it’s fucking dumb. Rey gets chased by the force order and hear this out, FORCE HEALS (i forgot what the animal was but idrc). Which means Rey had the power to stop the painful truth of death themself. Why am I not surprised? Rey did something that no other jedi nor sith or jedi have ever done this. Anakin went to the dark side to save the ones he love. This movie was just a slap in the face to Anakin. Rey then fights Kylo Ren and lost??? again it seems a little too late and it also didn’t make sense. Rey defeated those guards all by herself with Kylo needed help from her. She’s obviously the better lightsaber duelist but hey, at least JJ was trying to mellow her out a bit. Rey stabs him while our beloved Princess died. She then regrets her decision and as always, doesn’t have any consequence to her actions. By the force I forgot, the whole scene where she is revealed as a Palpatine? Completely invalidates the first two movies but eh whatever. She uses a power that only the elite sith does... something Kylo Ren himself could not do (and he’s on the dark side). Rey “killed” Chewie but actually no she didn’t because Chewie is perfectly fine. Rey is supposed to be all dark and edgy now, “you don’t know me” BS. Yeah I’m sorry I won’t tolerate this because my only allergy is the fish smelling coochie bullshit called the sequel trilogy. Rey got scared of her dark self. Well at least JJ tried? Rey then almost gives up but Luke was like “nah fam you cant”. Rey dies trying to fight Palpatine but then as usual, she gets zero consequence cuz Benny Simp saved her using the force. Then she kissed him... no. No. No. This made my eyes burn like they just threw bleach in my eyes. It made no sense. “A Kiss of Gratitude”? What the shit was that? GIRLS DO NOT INSPIRE TO BE REY.

[justphilia]

Mob Psycho Characters Playing Minecraft (Headcanons)

Shigeo

He starts with creative mode, just to get the gist of it, before finally heading into survival but on peaceful. Then he’ll do survival easy mode and just stay on that tier forever, until he feels more confident to up his game a little higher.

Only played because Telepathy club was playing and he heard the word “Mob” and was like; “Did you call me?” and the club goes “nah fam, it Minecraft.” “what’s Minecraft.” Boom he plays.

Most likely to have a farm with a lot of cows

Has a dirt house/villager’s house on the first night and stops at just that.

Not much of a great builder

Takes forever to get diamonds

Dies often, but not too much. Just often enough for him to lose a few good iron pickaxes.

Always goes to bed once it’s night.

Most likely to have a pet cat

He just plays for fun, when he’s bored and stuff. So he doesn’t go as far as to defeating the ender dragon. He’ll travel to the nether though, just for potion making

But he does play a heck more when Teru’s around, or when the Telepathy club invites him.

He awaits for a frog update

Reigen

Jumps into survival hardcore right off the bat after watching one play through

Most likely to have a villager colony and farm

Makes a wooden house with windows and stuff on the first night with a furnace and a crafting table and a bed. The essentials. But he won’t stay in one house often and will move a lot

He can build, but he’s pretty amateur at it, he’s a fast learner though so he could easily replicate houses he see online

He’s the type of guy that never stops mining until he finds diamonds, which means he makes sure he’s at 13-11y in coordinates, has a shit ton of extra pickaxes, and stacks upon stacks of torches. Once he finds them goodies, he heads on home and repeats the cycle

He’ll defeat the ender dragon if he’s bored enough or when someone challenges/pays him to.

Same goes with The Wither

Will skip Minecraft sleep very often and will only go to bed when the phantom starts attacking

Most likely to have many many pet dogs, each one of them have name tags.

When he dies, he gets mad for a few hours, then jumps right back in. He doesn’t die all that often though, so he won’t rage quit.

He gets the minecraft books later on and you can see him reading it under his table time to time

Ritsu

He starts off with easy or normal without much knowledge on the game, probably only played because Shigeo introduced him to or Shou bugged him about it.

He’ll have a farm, but just for resources. Won't have much animals, mostly crops. He’ll live next to a village if there is one.

His first house will also be a dirt house, he’ll improve it overtime and add more levels and decorations. It can get very pretty in the end and he’ll be content to just stay and keep adding more to his house.

Not the best builder, but good enough for people to compliment it. He feels especially proud when Shigeo likes them, so he’s keen on building better and more.

He plans before he mines, calculates how many torches he needs and plans out what he’s exactly looking for, even calculates how many hunger bars each food item will fill before taking it with him.

If he gets really into the game, he’ll defeat the ender dragon, wither and head on into the nether. Not in that order though.

Will sleep if he doesn’t need to do anything

Most likely to have pets, perhaps a cat, or a dog, or a parrot. Only one though.

When he dies, he accepts it and moves on. Though, that would rarely happen.

Recently got into a forced Minecraft marriage with Shou. Is it forced if he enjoyed it though?

Teru

This bitch really just gonna jump right into survival just to flex on Shigeo.

Duh, of course he’ll have a farm. Will probably talk to the animals.

His first house is either borrowed from a villager or built with wood, but it’ll definitely not be a simple ass wooden house. It will be a nice fucking mansion, just watch him, he will. He’ll fight all the mobs he needs to just to built this mansion right off the bat, doesn’t even care if the first night he sleeps roofless.

Really good at building, because he wants to compete with Ritsu for fun and boast about it to Shigeo. Shigeo would just clap and be like “Wow so cool.”

“Thanks, made it myself, I can make one for you.” Shigeo declines, he’s an independent man, which makes Teru a mixture of disappointment and oh-my-god-you’re-adorable???

He doesn't plan when he mines, he just estimates and half ass some stuff before he struts into the cave. Sometimes he gets lost, but that’s perfectly fine.

Will defeat every mob boss and mob ever to show Shigeo he’s very powerful.

Doesn’t sleep, fights the phantom instead. Will sleep if Shigeo asks him to.

Most likely to have a pet cat, but he doesn’t mind dogs.

When he dies, he’s an angry baby and makes up some excuse as to why he’s dead. “I was distracted, didn’t see the lava. Whoops I guess ha ha no big deal.” But it is a big deal, he lost his diamonds, he wants to give it to his boyfriend but he cannot. Because he died.

Has yet to marry Shigeo in Minecraft.

Shou

Plays because he is a gamer. Survival hardcore ftw. He only plays multiplayer with Ritsu these days, never single player because he has been playing Minecraft his whole childhood and it gets boring on his own.

What’s a fucking farm? I take my food from my Minecraft husband.

Sleeps in a cave, but if Ritsu’s done with the house, he joins his bed with him and sleeps under a roof.

But he’s really really good at building, probably the best next to Serizawa. If you gave him the resources and time, he can recreate Seasoning City.

A concerning miner, jumps in with just torches and a pickaxe and somehow still survives (mostly because Ritsu always goes looking for him)

Could probably easily defeat the bosses because he has already done it so many times

Will only sleep when Ritsu is, which is almost all the time.

He owns every kind of animal.

He dies too many times because he really doesn’t mind, it makes Ritsu mad and that’s what keeps him going.

Shou was suffocated in sand.

“S H O U.” Ritsu yells at the boy next to him.

Was the one that proposed to Ritsu, invited everyone to the wedding; including Serizawa and Reigen.

Serizawa

Played while he was still hiding in his home, so he knows everything about the game when he finally played it with Reigen or the kids.

He loves farming, even the animals, it’s oddly calming to take care of something that won’t die unless he hits em.

He always collects resources first before he actually starts building a home, so he always sleeps in a cave or a villager’s house.

After years of experience, he became really good at building, he use to spend time recreating maps from other games. But he says Shou is better than him, the boy disagrees.

Yeah he mines, but he’s wary of dying when he heads into the cave, so he always brings too many torches. 

Makes sure he is very very prepared before defeating bosses

Always sleeps in time, because Reigen said so. Well, because Reigen advised it, what a hypocrite am I right?

Doesn’t have pets, and even if he does, he always make them stay put at one place.

Doesn’t die all that often, almost not at all.

He pretends to not be good at the game when Reigen’s around, he mostly lets the other do what they wanna do because he loves watching his husband play.

“Serizawa! Look, I made the zombie villager back into a villager!” Reigen pointed, Serizawa smiles and nods. He already knew how to do that, but Reigen’s discovery makes it feel he discovered something new himself.

Tome

Bro this woman is so experienced to a point everyone consults her for tips.

She’s building up to find aliens in minecraft, even though they don’t exist, but she’s convinced they’re an easter egg or something.

No, she doesn’t farm. She takes em from the villagers, but she has a few beehives here and there.

She’s only mining to find diamonds as a peace offering to minecraft aliens.

One time she thought the Wither was an alien.

One time, she thought the phantom was an alien.

One time she thought the ghast was an alien.

Has died multiple times because she is careless, but she is never upset about it. Always jumps right back into the game immediately.

Parrots are her pets, because they f l y and d a n c e.

One time she thought the creepers were aliens.

She has this summoning circle made of redstone and torches in case there really are aliens.

She believes in herobrine and sometimes tries to summon him.

She thinks the aliens made the temples in minecraft.

Other Characters

Minegishi has so many bees and flowers and crops it’s almost covering the whole map.

Takenaka plays because it’s very quiet and calming

Shimazaki cannot play. He is blind.

Shou’s old resistance team use to play with him, now they sometimes play together as a trio when Shou is playing with Ritsu.

Mukai and Tsuchi play because Mukai wanted to, she has a lot of armor stands in her house.

Tsubomi does not play, she played once and didn’t enjoy it all that much, but she’s perfectly happy watching her friends play.

Emi roleplays in minecraft.

Mezato doesn’t play, but she likes watching minecraft videos on youtube, mostly the theories.

Everyone in the awakening lab plays, Kurosaki is fantastic at mining because she always knows which way are the mobs and which way are the diamonds. Asahi is an arsonist.

Minori once got invited by Shigeo to play, then she proceeded to buy minecraft and everything in it to impress him. Shigeo only congratulated her once. Contemplating buying the whole of Mojang, but she’s a good girl now so she won’t.

Hoshida plays to impress Tome. Too bad, son, she’s not into you.

[sydxo]

my latest obsession: chrollo lucilfer

listen so,,,, im not really crazy about loving characters and i dont really jump around with my faves, they're pretty consistent for the most part but lately i've been overly fond of a man named chrollo.

If you know me you would know of my love for hunter x hunter

so when i really got back into the series i began looking at chrollo a lot more. when i watched it during the summer of 2017 i loved chrollo but he was never someone i obsessed over. yea he was a hot, strong villain so of course i would like him. but rewatching it recently i started looking at him much more.

to begin with, from the surface you would look at chrollo as a cold psychopath (thats extremely good-looking) but theres not much to go off of. he doesnt really have much of a personality. hes not kind, nor is he mean.. hes kind of emotionless. he doesnt not harbor anger or resentment shown in the manga and anime.

only when ~~uvo dies~~ does he really begin to show us his vulnerabilities. many can argue that him showing sadness is a mask only to show the troupe members that he cares. but the thing is,,, he doesnt cry infront of any of them? so what would be the point?

he truly cares for the troupe with his heart. each one of the members he holds close to him although it may not seem like it, he really does mourn for the loss of his loved ones (a.k.a. the troupe members).

he was brought up in meteor city, meaning his past most likely is not a very pretty one. my theory being that he was probably abused as a child. he mostly likely ran away and lead a life of having to steal and kill to survive at a young age. the abuse affected him to where he was so traumatized that he completely left his past identity behind and became **CHROLLO LUCILFER**, most likely he created that name for himself.

he lost his identity so he searches for validity of himself within the troupe, using each member as a defining part of himself.

loosing a troupe member is like loosing a part of himself. that is why he mourns so deeply for the loss of ~~uvo, kortopi and shalnark~~ and vows to kill hisoka ~~for the second time~~ after he learns of ~~kortopi and shalnarks deaths~~

chrollo really is such a misunderstood character and im so so so upset that we dont get a look into his past. that literally physically pains me that i dont know more about this man! i would kill for just a little insight of him and how thinks, how he loves, his days off, what he likes to do for fun, his hobbies, things he enjoys, his favorite foods.... i really would just want to know more about him.

i cannot possibly put into words how fucking much i love this man, yes hes quite terrible, and yes hes killed thousands of people, and yes i love him to death even knowing this. hes such an interesting chracter although we dont know much about him and his inner workings. the mystery that surrounds chrollo is what attracts me the most. i have the freedom to make all these headcanons and obsess over him, everything is up to my imagination and im okay with that.

the little details we are provided about him i cherish, his little quirks and kinks i cherish.

when he looks like steve carell i still love him.

hes the sexiest man alive? theres absolutely no doubt about that. hisoka tried it, yea killuas pretty but is he as pretty as chrollo? nah fam...

chrollo deserves the best and i really with hes able to find himself and his own identity one day. just like everyone else, chrollo deserves happiness, in large sums... he might deserve it more than anyone else to be quite honest.

hes worked his way up from the very very bottom of the chain to the top. now hes the boss. if you have watched hxh and know about meteor city, its a city of nobodies, its a dump where people send all their crap and unwanted items too, even children. chrollo growing up there had to have an extremely hardtime and due to those circumstances he became a specialist. meaning hes extremely strong and has his own unique abilities. not to mention his power?? Bandit's Secret is badass?? like imagine stealing other people's nen and being able to perfect it like chrollo? i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i am so beyond proud of him for not being more fucked in the head considering his past.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE CHROLLO SO SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH SO MUCH! HES SO PERFECT AND STRONG AND POWERFUL AND TALENTED AND SEXY AND WOW IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A FLAWLESS MAN!!

i love him to death and wish for his eternal happiness and i would do anything for him to have it what the actual fuck..

losing a troupe member is like losing a part of himself. that is why he mourns so deeply for the loss of ~~uvo, kortopi and shalnark~~ and vows to kill hisoka ~~for the second time~~ after he learns of ~~kortopi and shalnarks deaths~~.

chrollo really is such a misunderstood character and im so so so upset that we dont get a look into his past. that literally physically pains me that i dont know more about this man! i would kill for just a little insight of him and how thinks, how he loves, his days off, what he likes to do for fun, his hobbies, things he enjoys, his favorite foods.... i really would just want to know more about him.

i cannot possibly put into words how fucking much i love this man, yes hes quite terrible, and yes hes killed thousands of people, and yes i love him to death even knowing this. hes such an interesting chracter although we dont know much about him and his inner workings. the mystery that surrounds chrollo is what attracts me the most. i have the freedom to make all these headcanons and obsess over him, everything is up to my imagination and im okay with that.

the little details we are provided about him i cherish, his little quirks and kinks i cherish.

when he looks like steve carell i still love him.

hes the sexiest man alive? theres absolutely no doubt about that. hisoka tried it, yea killuas pretty but is he as pretty as chrollo? nah fam...

chrollo deserves the best and i really with hes able to find himself and his own identity one day. just like everyone else, chrollo deserves happiness, in large sums... he might deserve it more than anyone else to be quite honest.

hes worked his way up from the very very bottom of the chain to the top. now hes the boss. if you have watched hxh and know about meteor city, its a city of nobodies, its a dump where people send all their crap and unwanted items too, even children. chrollo growing up there had to have an extremely hardtime and due to those circumstances he became a specialist. meaning hes extremely strong and has his own unique abilities. not to mention his power?? Bandit's Secret is badass?? like imagine stealing other people's nen and being able to perfect it like chrollo? i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i am so beyond proud of him for not being more fucked in the head considering his past.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE CHROLLO SO SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH SO MUCH! HES SO PERFECT AND STRONG AND POWERFUL AND TALENTED AND SEXY AND WOW IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A FLAWLESS MAN!!

i love him to death and wish for his eternal happiness and i would do anything for him to have it what the actual fuck..

—————

ok so there’s are so many reasons why i really really love chrollos character and just admire him honestly. so i’ll space them out:

1) his character design!!!

-kuroro obviously is... a very attractive looking character!! and usually i’m not ?? idk i don’t really like characters /like/ him with the slicked back hair and crazy ass abs and weird fur coats but it honestly just started growing on me??

-HES SO CLEAN CUT!!! this man owns suits, fur coats and versace sweaters. ... he constantly gets HATED ON and made fun of ppl bc think his hair is fuckin greasy?? GREASY?? AREYOU KIDDING ME?? ur gonna tell me a man who wears belts and fur coats doesn’t shower?? bjtch his hair is gelled and he is KILLING IT!!!!

-throughout the series his style changes a lot!! he looks so good?? mans is so very fashionable (i’ll send examples)

-his mobage cards!!! BITCH HE LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD IN HIS MOBAGE CARDS!!

(mobage cards are from a hxh game that you can collect, they come out with official art of the characters in different situations and daily life, so just like characters dressed normally i guess)

he has this one mobage card of him in a casual outfit and OH MY GOD BITCH HE LOOKS SOOO GOOD!!! he’s wearing a white tank top and has this blue button down over it that’s not buttoned up with these jeans and his hair looks so good!!!!! also can’t forget his cross necklace.. we love a religious faithful man!

-SPEAKING of hair chrollos hair is constantly changing?? just like killua with the outfits, chrollo is the only other character that normal changes his clothes while the rest of them stay the same?? he’s so clean and gorgeous it makes me cry!!! from when he’s first introduced his hair is gelled back, to when he meets neon his hair is down nd .. bitch oh my god chrollo has semi long hair and it makes me deadass sob it looks SO GOOD. and right now in the recent manga chapters he has this messy down bedhead style it’s so sexy!!!

ok that was just part 1 about his character design let me start with part 2/3 what attracts me

2)HIS MYSTERY!!

-so chrollo is kinda i guess from the surface he’s a boring dude. there’s nothing noteworthy about his character. he isn’t funny nor is he kind. he’s kinda like... an empty shell of where /something/ should be. and it seriously ..... just adds to his character. his personality might not “shine” and he’s only really popular because he’s a hot antagonist but there’s SO MUCH MORE!! that people don’t look into revolving him.

-he gives off sooo many hints and foreshadows his identity loss so many times while he’s given screentjme and its sad??

sad that this amazing man that has worked so hard and become so very strong still cannot i guess identify himself within a crowd. he’s just ~there~ giving orders for the troupe.

-he truly believes that no one cares for him or relies on him. that everyone would be absolutely 100% unaffected should he die. and that?? i literally wanna smack him.-

(continuing i wanted to give a little background on the phantom troupe given chrollo is the leader)

-PHANTOM TROUPE-

so the phantom troupe is a group of 12 people all given numbers

ok so head = chrollo and legs = the rest of the members because the phantom troupe are also known as the spiders.

they’re thieves with chrollo as the leader and they come from meteor city which is basically a dump where nobodies live a.k.a. they lived a harsh life growing up.

-

ok so continuing with chrollo thinks he’s replaceable to the troupe. couldn’t be more false and it makes me upset that he thanks that? the troupe really really cares about him a whole lot given he’s literally the leader and he created the phantom troupe!! basically the only place these “thieves” feel like they belong. they’re all family. they fight like brothers and sisters and care so much for one another.

ok that brings this section to a close. this is getting extremely long so let me write my very last part. jeez i could go on for ages.

3.HIS STRENGTH.

-chrollo fights very uniquely and i know it’s kind of a weird thing i guess to bring up his fighting style and powers when discussing why i like him as a character but i really cannot help it.

-out of all the characters in hunter x hunter, chrollos powers have to be my favorite coming from an unbiased standpoint. it’s not even because he’s my favorite character, do i love his power, it’s just so fucking unique and interesting.

-

•when you watch hxh you’ll learn about powers and such (they call them nen) and the different types you can have, manipulator, conjuror, transmuter, etc.

there’s one power class that stands out from all the rest. while the normal powerclasses have built in powers you know things that are already predetermined, there’s one class called “specialist” and this is the rarest class.

-you guessed it, chrollo is a specialist. being a specialist gives you crazy overpowered abilities for short amounts of time like super regeneration, speed, etc. things like that. chrollos power is called “Bandits Secret” him being a thief and all its so fkn badass. he can literally steal other people’s power from them and use it for himself!! his power is lowkey complicated and has a lot of conditions that need to be met before he can use it but let me just say, the fact that chrollo can steal powers that aren’t even his and use them even better than the original user is so amazing. he’s BEYOND talented when it comes to combat skills hence why hisoka got obliterated in there fight. not only that but he’s an extremely graceful and careful fighter. he’s crazy good at planning strategies against his opponent and extremely smart.

——

ok so that’s all for my chrollo rant... uhh this was longer than intended i’m so sorry but yes i love chrollo with my entire heart he truly is my favorite character of all time and nothing will change that. thank u for coming to my ted talk.

[punkscowardschampions]

Mattie & Lulu & Dolly (mostly)

PlanityPlan: Okay, so we wanna get down what Mattie, Lulu and Dolly are like, that’s the main point

PlanityPlan: but then we wanna pinpoint the time of this reunion for their storyline together, so we can then say what Jay is up to, Beckett not really ‘cos he’s a child but we could also say what we wanna do with you eventually here because we are planning to use him but yes, kind of unrelated but not

PlanityPlan: So it’s like, individual story, what they’re like, the lives they’re living, and then the storyline we’ll do with them together

PlanityPlan: OKAY so Mattie doing an accelerated 2-year Maths and Computer Science degree at Greenwich (57, 58) and then her PGCE which takes a year and in this year you do 2 school placements, 2nd placement at the girl's new school after gay teacher drama in Surval, so this 2nd meeting after first failed attempt at contact, in 59

PlanityPlan: Basically, energy being, making contact before starting Uni and the twins are like nah and then we show up at their new school (accidentally) and the twins relationship has suffered so now we have an in

PlanityPlan: OKAY OKAY so Mattie reaches out Summer 57, she's about to start Uni, the twins are 14 and just finished year 10, 58 teacher stuff to happen and come out year 11, 59 we move to new school year 12, Mattie starts placement too

Junie B Jones: The school I found for the twins is called Surval Montreux in Montreux Switzerland and they’d have been going there from age 12 (and leaving at 19) it’s obviously an international school but there’s a heavy focus on French in lessons as obviously because English is usually a 2nd language, but don’t even worry ladies cos there is only a maximum of 10 girls (cos it’s only gals) in your classes and 60 in the entire school

Junie B Jones: worth noting the finishing school bit from 17-19 cos your mother would love that for you and you can share a room no problem as it’s usually 2 or 3 anyways

PlanityPlan: So, do we be evil and say they have to share with another poor gal?

PlanityPlan: ‘cos we could run with that

Junie B Jones: that poor girl requesting a transfer cos they are so odd hahaha but yeah I say there’s potential there even if it was only for a while like maybe it’s lowkey a version of how they put me and Trace in separate classes cos the teachers are like UM

PlanityPlan: I see that, forcing you to stay involved, ‘cos with 60 people you’d have to be all up in each other’s business, like you’re for sure meant to see the teachers as friends/fam too

Junie B Jones: the website was very culty and that energy

PlanityPlan: which brings me to my first idea ‘cos I think it works on many levels beyond being a cliche

PlanityPlan: Okay so, I thought it’d be interesting to have a secret between them ‘cos how hard it’d be to keep

PlanityPlan: and then I thought that it’d be hilarious karma if Dolly had an affair with a female teacher but we actually let it go there

PlanityPlan: ‘cos it’d be a massive scandal even your parents can’t ignore and the girl gives off some gay vibes and it’d be like, a thing they can’t share in if Lulu isn’t gay like we share a boyfriend but we’re not sharing this teacher moment

PlanityPlan: and it’d probably get you both kicked out so we can time it when we want it and Chloe would be fuming about this lesbianism lmao

PlanityPlan: so with the whole culty school like this would be NEWS ‘cos they’re tight with the teachers clearly so it’s like ARE THEY ALL BEING GROOMED lmao

Junie B Jones: Lulu gives off the straightest vibes EVER so I am down & also the vibe that she would love that culty school

PlanityPlan: right so not only have you kept a love affair and gay from me, you’ve also ruined our school moment, it’d really shake them and their weird twin energy to it’s core, which is the fun of it all obvs

Junie B Jones: I see now why you agreed to share a boyfriend hun, also the potential for her to have a gay awakening with the roommate so hitting all those cliches

PlanityPlan: right, I’m not being gross but it’s true that all-girls school girls experiment together, facts, like Lulu probably joined it with it too but it’s like oh you actually like girls for real

PlanityPlan: but if Dolly isn’t just then living her best gay life and is trying to get shit back to how it was, I think it makes it different

Junie B Jones: the tea and also it seems like the kind of school where a teacher would go there, especially if it’s a younger/artsy one like that film Cracks that Imogen Poots was in, soz Nancy but most teachers won’t

PlanityPlan: it’s a cliche with posh schools for a reason, the bond is closer by the fact there’s not 30 kids in a classroom, there’s more opportunity for it to happen because you have actual relationships with all your teachers, whereas in normal schools they barely know your name lol

Junie B Jones: gross but necessary question being how long do you see the relationship spanning in secret before the big reveal

PlanityPlan: it should probably be somewhere between enough that it’s an actual thing that happened and not like, it happened once, like the teacher probably thinks they’re gonna be together if she doesn’t go to jail lol, but not so long that it is like, how’d you not know

PlanityPlan: it’ll be fun to like, play out, see how long we feasibly could

PlanityPlan: and if Lulu finds out before EVERYONE finds out, then she has to decide what to do with this info for a bit too, which would also be good

Junie B Jones: I love that because the twin vibe is very much like oh we can read each other’s minds haha bitch you thought

Junie B Jones: totally can picture Lulu snitching on you ngl gal

PlanityPlan: accidentally fucking yourself over when they kick the lot of yas out, a mood

PlanityPlan: NEW CO-ED SCHOOL IN SURREY, STILL BOARDING

PlanityPlan: maybe Lulu does care more about school in general, but also specifically that school and being one of the girls forever

PlanityPlan: ‘cos then it’s gonna be hard to win her back when you end up in another school, with boys dundundun

Junie B Jones: she very much comes across like that to me, not only because she’s clearly the clingy controlling twin here but I think she clearly likes how small and family like this school is trying to be cos of how chaotic and lacking their home life is, she’s definitely scared of boys & navigating socialising with them without making a tit of herself because of how little dealings she’s had so it’s gonna be a SHOCK

Junie B Jones: dobbing her sister in because 1. You think the teacher will get sacked and it’ll be over 2. You think you can score some points back and stay in the school’s good books

PlanityPlan: It’s honestly sad how much sense it makes, like you really buy all in with the family vibes and then ya twin fucks it all up, rude

Junie B Jones: okay idk how plausible this is but remember in Wild Child aka the greatest film of all time that boy is like the headteacher’s son, what if the boyfriend (Danny Griffin is his IRL name but I’ll give you a french af one in character boy) they share is like the son of someone who works at the school (obvs he doesn’t go there but like he’d have to live nearby and generally loiter) which is part of the reason Lulu picks him cos all the girls would want to but also she could tell him something about this and he’s like UM you have to dob her in

PlanityPlan: I see that, they can’t all be spinsters like this is an enid, they’d have families and stuff, I can vibe it because again, a thing if there’s any male in the vicinity we all lose our minds lol

Junie B Jones: and like obvs that’s why she got with him but there’s potential for an actual relationship to form with this boy on some level if we want

PlanityPlan: Yes, maybe you actually like him, because clearly Dolly doesn’t, have him to yourself hun, but also then you’ll have to move so rude

PlanityPlan: Another reason to be fuming when you were the clingy twin before, role reversal

Junie B Jones: and another reason to not want to leave because I can’t imagine that your parents will move you to another school in Switzerland because it’s tiny and the scandal so literally in a different country

PlanityPlan: yeah, we’d probably move you to the uk like we’re going to be more involved like doubt that lads but you know

Junie B Jones: my thoughts exactly

PlanityPlan: so the question is do we want to do this before Mattie gets in contact or after

PlanityPlan: I’m leaning towards before so then 1. You’ve got a chance of getting in but 2. You can also help or not help them get on better terms, whatever we vibe

Junie B Jones: maybe when she first gets in contact it’s a secret still so we get the best of the both worlds, cos like you’re gonna get stonewalled then hun but when it all pops off you can be there

Junie B Jones: just cos I’m thinking if it’s all happened by the time they’re 16 that’s slightly drama but then again we’ve done worse lol

PlanityPlan: That’s a good idea, it makes the most of it for sure

PlanityPlan: I’m not sure what the age of consent is but that might affect how in deep shit this teacher gets

Junie B Jones: it’d be a way to show how their dynamic and relationship changes from a POV that isn’t just their own

PlanityPlan: for sure and then we can have the outcome be not just down to their new school and their parentals

Junie B Jones: poor Mattie getting way more drama than she expected

Junie B Jones: are you having her go to a UK uni because obviously relevant because this isn’t getting resolved in a summer hol

PlanityPlan: I’m kind of vibing no uni, honestly

PlanityPlan: because a lot of gen 4 do go and it isn’t the only option

Junie B Jones: love that for her tbh

PlanityPlan: So yeah, you’ll be around for sure

Junie B Jones: do you have a job/career in mind yet?

PlanityPlan: not really, like I see you being a bit lost in that sense, which is fine because you’ve got a lot in other respects and you’re looked after, but it’s definitely a vibe of not knowing what you want to do, but not just doing uni ‘cos as most people in that situ do, so you probably have lots of random jobs

Junie B Jones: that’s legit cos loads of people don’t know what they wanna do but don’t have the luxury of taking time to figure it out but she does & lowkey it doesn’t matter if she never does cos like you said she’s fine in a lot of other ways

PlanityPlan: like I won’t let you be insufferable with it and not work and just bum about but you’re just striking me as work-driven, which a lot of characters are again, so I’m not mad

Junie B Jones: I like it

PlanityPlan: So it’s just working out what your actual main motivation is, which I think could be tied into getting in contact with this fam

PlanityPlan: as we’re saying Jay doesn’t really want to, so it’s a difference there

PlanityPlan: and it’ll be good to have it not a total failure if you do make something with the twins but we know you won’t with Chloe so there’s the struggle with that

Junie B Jones: it pleases me because the obvious and cliche thing to do would be to have Jay be the one trying to do this as she actually has memories of and issues with Chlo whereas Mattie is basically Ava’s child

PlanityPlan: and I don’t think it resembles like, Edie’s feelings about Drew and Caleb etc either, it’s not like I NEED you to be my mum because you biologically are

PlanityPlan: it’s just lowkey a curiosity like, people can’t just vanish from our lives like that, like what are they doing, ‘cos you know their main house is still in London too, like it’s just like, why shouldn’t I look into this

Junie B Jones: agreed, it’s not coming from a place of having a deficit, she’s happy and has everything she needs in that sense, so it makes sense for her to only gain from it

PlanityPlan: and it is naive but that is how I vibe her being in a not really annoying way lol, not a jaded character though

PlanityPlan: and it will be shit when Chloe is Chloe but it won’t destroy her or anything it’s just like oh god, what is wrong with her though

Junie B Jones: and that’ll strengthen her relationship with Jay because she doesn’t wanna talk about all of that and you’ll get why in a way that you can’t unless you experience the crazy that is Chloe for yourself

PlanityPlan: exactly, like that can be a source of strain between you when you’re first deciding to do this

PlanityPlan: and you’d give Chloe a few chances ‘cos like I said you aren’t looking for a mum so you’d be trying to lowkey work it out and being empathetic so she’d probably actually love that ‘cos she’s a narcissist so it’d be a bit dicey

PlanityPlan: suddenly wants to tell you every drama in her life like poor me

Junie B Jones: how real

PlanityPlan: ‘cos you can think you’re like objective and just putting the mystery together but you’re gonna get dragged in, clearly

PlanityPlan: especially combine this with the twin drama which you do genuinely care about

Junie B Jones: mhmm, Lulu is gonna drag you in gal, not like she can bring these emotions and drama to her new school when it’s a scandal and this is supposed to be a fresh start

PlanityPlan: which is what you were warned about/one of the reasons we left it ‘til you were grown but you’ll have to work this all out, which will be good

PlanityPlan: ‘cos you can’t be dealing with your younger sister’s drama instead of living your own life but clearly at a point here we are ‘cos bit lost

Junie B Jones: you’re so clever boo, this is such a good idea that flows

PlanityPlan: heheh, I think it makes sense if you’ve had such a chill upbringing and the twins have not that this chaos can take over your life and drag you in

PlanityPlan: I’d like to think we all get to a healthy place gals but we’ll see tbh

PlanityPlan: as for who Dolly is… I think she never bought into the school as hard, like it’s probably better than home, not that we’d know, but we’re not like omg this is IT

PlanityPlan: same with the boyfriend clearly, none of it is as real but the twin bond is so like may as well until the gay drama comes along

PlanityPlan: but then that’s lowkey over before it’s begun so then we go into overdrive of trying to win her back

Junie B Jones: which Lulu is not having sis

PlanityPlan: like in reality we should accept our truth and start working on separate personalities but we’re like no no

Junie B Jones: potential for how far aka too far she can try and take winning her back, like that creepy book energy

PlanityPlan: deffo, like we’ll have to think of ways but if we’re going all-in on this, there isn’t reason not to

PlanityPlan: ‘cos we don’t care about school or whatever mum and dad are saying or doing

Junie B Jones: not gonna kill you off gal but oh the possibilities for danger cos lbr your grandparents can’t stop you either clearly

PlanityPlan: bless them they’re alright people but obvs a bit useless for all this to happen lmao

Junie B Jones: hence I vibe that Lulu totally walks all over/ has them wrapped around her little finger like Chloe did but more subtly because she has no nuance

PlanityPlan: deffo, oh lads

Junie B Jones: which is a shame when they could literally give you the family energy you want without need for a creepy cult school but hey, you’ve been taught to treat them like that

PlanityPlan: exactly

PlanityPlan: they should’ve lowkey took you in but we’re too posh for that and you’ll probably be fine right lmao

Junie B Jones: at least Dolly can stay with them when her parents are literally hate criming her

PlanityPlan: sad that you won’t ‘cos getting back in that closet so hard like will you forgive me if I’m straight and we’re still the same

Junie B Jones: it’s really sad like this isn’t sustainable huns and shouldn’t have been allowed to be a thing for this long

PlanityPlan: at least Mattie does have fresh enough eyes to be like, respectfully, maybe let’s not do this

Junie B Jones: just like Lulu don’t haze your sister thank you

PlanityPlan: right, I think this gives us energy to go on for all y’all

PlanityPlan: *** so the energy now is she can get more drawn in because she's literally there living at the school too, and after the placement, she's getting a permanent position at the school, so we can actually work through this together and have relationships etc etc

[andrew2luv]

The Angel Next Door - Chapter 2

8:15 am…

“Good morning. Sleep well?” My mom is way too chipper in the morning.

“Yeah. I guess.”

“Wow. Very detailed answer.”

“What? Do you want me to tell you how I drooled on my pillow and rolled off the bed twice?”

“Actually, kinda.”

“You’re weird.”

“What’s up slugger?” Dave walks in.

“Nothin’.”

“Wow babe, you’re kid’s quite the wordsmith.” I’m about to respond in a not-so-nice way, but I hold it back.

“When’s the pool gonna be ready?”

“It’ll be a few weeks.” My mom hands me a glass of orange juice.

“Thanks.” I start walking away.

“Hey! No food or drinks upstairs.” I turn to face Dave, really tempted to throw the OJ in his face.

“So no water? What about vitamins? Technically they’re food.”

“Haha, smart aleck.” He turns away from me and I flip him off.

My mom gives me a look that says “stop it!” and I just turn away, leaving my OJ on the nearest table.

When I get to my room I am very tempted to slam the door, but somehow manage to not do so. I open my window and just step out onto the deck to get some fresh air for the moment. And yet again there’s Asher. He seems to be playing some video games. So I reach into my room, grab a sock, ball it up, and throw it at his window. And he doesn’t notice. Son of a bitch. So I grab a pen and throw it. This time he notices and walks over to his window.

“What you doing?”

“Just playing some Madden.”

“Sounds fun.” I stand up, run across the roof, and jump across the gap between our roofs, landing directly in front of him.

“Shit! Dude!” He looks freaked out and I just start laughing.

“It’s all good. Now, are you gonna let me in and get destroyed in Madden? Or are we gonna just stand here like some weirdos from a 90s rom-com?”

“You’re crazy.” He steps back to let me in.

“I take that as a compliment.”

“You shouldn’t.”

I sit on his bed while he grabs another controller.

“I can’t believe you’re even awake right now. Did you even sleep?”

“I don’t sleep much.”

“So you’re super athletic and don’t sleep. Are you sure you’re not Spiderman?”

“Nope. Just a retired gymnast.”

“Gymnast?”

“What? You didn’t get gymnast off me?”

“Not at all.”

“Good.”

“How are you already retired?”

“Well I guess retired isn’t the right word. Just the one my mom uses.” I spot a photo on Asher’s desk and walk over. “It’s more that I got sick of it and left.” The photo is of him and what I’m assuming are his mom, dad, and younger brother and sister. “This your fam?”

“Yeah. From our trip to the Bahamas last summer.”

“Looks fun.”

“You’re parents seem nice. Saw them unpacking yesterday.”

“Dave’s not my dad.” I make sure to emphasize that.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“No problem. Most people assume that.” I sit back down next to him. “My dad’s out of the picture now. Dave’s the evil stepfather.”

“Sorry.”

“He’s just the stereotypical evil step-parent. It’s actually his fault that we moved here. Some business opportunity or whatever.”

“That sucks. I’m sorry about that.”

“You say sorry a lot.”

“Sor… Oops.” We both laugh.

“Now can we just play or are you scared of losing?”

“What? You’re the one that started talking about Dave.”

“Oh shut up!” I shove him and he shoves me back as we laugh.

“That was just dumb luck.” I stand up, throwing the controller on the bed.

“Dumb luck? 12 times in a row?”

“Oh fuck you.” Asher laughs. “Let’s do something else. Go out or something.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Out.”

“You sound like my mom.”

“I haven’t met her, but I’m assuming she’s amazing.”

“Eww.”

“Let’s go.”

“Wait. Let me at least tell my parents.”

“Fine. Come on.” I open his bedroom door and standing right there is his mom.

She smiles at me, looking very confused.

“Hi. I’m Spencer.”

“Hey.” She looks very confused, but luckily Asher comes walking up.

“He’s the new neighbor.”

“Oh! Really good to meet you. I was planning on dropping by to say hi to your parents later.”

“Oh, they’d love that.”

“I didn’t even hear you come in earlier.”

“Oh… yeah… I’m very quiet.” Asher and I share a funny look.

“Well, Spencer and I were just about to go out. Can I borrow the car?”

“Sure. Where are you guys going?”

“Oh… um…” Asher is nervous and part of me doesn’t want to save him.

“He’s going to show me around town.”

“That’s nice. You guys have fun.”

Asher and I run out to the car.

“Do you need to go and get shoes? Maybe tell your mom and Dave that you’re going out?”

I look to the house for a second.

“Nah.” I jump into the car and I just see Asher smirk at that.

“Is he really that bad?” He asks as he drives out of the driveway.

“Worse. But everyone loves him. He’s only awful to me, and never in public.”

“Like… is he…”

“No. He’s not physical. He wouldn’t even dare. I would knock him out with one hit and he knows it.”

“Damn.”

“Let’s move on to something else.”

“Like what?”

“Tell me a summary of your life… in 60 seconds.”

“Oh…”

“Begin!”

“Shit! My name is Asher Angel…”

“Angel?”

“Shh. Since I was a kid I’ve been very into acting and singing. Got my first big gig at the age of six. From there on I’ve done a lot of plays and then a few small gigs before getting a major role on Disney Channel’s Andi Mack. I’ve released multiple albums. Then I got the role as Billy Batson in Shazam.”

“Five seconds.”

“Oh, and I love Top Golf, basketball, and my sibling’s names are Avi and London.” I just look over at him, unable to speak. “You good?”

“Um… describe good.” We both laugh. “Well, now I feel ridiculous. How did I not recognize you? I’ve seen Shazam!”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I liked it a lot too.” Asher can’t help but laugh. “Well, now I’m embarrassed.”

“Don’t be.”

“And now my life story feels pathetic.”

“I doubt it. No way your life could be boring. The first time I saw you you were sneaking off your roof.”

“ It’s fine. Let’s move on.”

“Come on. I won’t judge.”

“Wait! Stop here!” I point to our left.

“What? The playground?”

“What? It’s empty.” He pulls over and I quickly get out of the car.

I rush over to the bars. I jump on them and just start swinging around.

“You’re crazy.”

“Come on. Who says a playground is just for kids?”

“Everyone.”

“Well, kids can’t do this.”

I know this isn’t the safest, but at this point, I don’t care. So I push with all my force and spin around the pole. I spin a few more times before letting go and doing a simple under swing dismount.

“Shit!” Asher starts clapping.

“Thank you. Thank you.” I bow to him.

“I think it’s so cool that you can do that.”

“It is pretty cool, isn’t it? Bars aren’t really my thing though. I’m more of a floor guy.”

“Floor guy? That sounds a bit gross.” We both laugh.

“Eww.” I step back and quick front handspring.

“Shit. Can you do the splits?”

“Of course. But not in these pants.”

“So why’d you quit? You’re so good.”

“Swings!” I run to the swings.

“You’re really good at avoiding things. You know that, right?” Asher sits on the swing next to me.

“I know. You got a girlfriend?”

“Wow. What a transition there!”

“And?”

“No. I don’t have a girlfriend. Well, I did, but we broke up a few months ago.”

“Bummer.”

“And you? You leave a girl behind?”

“Oh god no. But I’ve had a few boyfriends. Not a recent one though.”

“Oh... “ I love seeing people’s faces when they realize I’m gay. “Sorry I assumed.”

“It’s fine. Most people do.”

“So you’re out?”

“Yeah. For two years now.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, are your parents fine with it?”

I sit there for a second and just stare forward. Part of me just wants to run, but I’m honestly just too tired to keep running.

“Well, my mom was fine with it. She told me she knew for a long time.” I feel my heart racing, thinking about all of this. “As for my dad…” I literally begin feeling my chest moving at a dangerous speed.

“You okay?”

“Not really.” I find my eyes tearing up, but then I just laugh.

“You sure.”

“Not really.” I laugh again. “When I was six my parents divorced. And I was given the choice of who I wanted to live with. I choose my dad.”

“Oh…” I can tell he’s intrigued like it’s a telenovela… and it is.

“So I lived with him. But I still saw my mom every weekend. We were close. But I was much closer with my dad.”

“That’s nice.” I can’t help but laugh at that and he just looks at me confused.

“Two years ago I came out to my parents. My dad couldn’t handle it. He kicked me out. I didn’t even get to pack. My mom picked me up and she had to pack all my stuff.”

“Damn. I’m sorry.” It is a struggle to not let my tears out right now.

“It’s all good.”

“Have you talked to him at all?”

“Nope. Haven’t heard a single word from him for two years now.”

“I can’t imagine that.”

“It’s fine. I’ve moved on.”

“There’s no moving on from that.” And then I snap, tears slowly falling down my face.

“God I wish I had my flask right now.” Asher and I both laugh a little. “Ugh, I hate this.” I wipe my tears.

“It’s not a bad thing to cry.”

“I know…”

“Really. Emotions aren’t a bad thing. If you ever need to talk about anything just jump on over.”

“Thanks…” I look at him. “Are you sure you’re straight?” I laugh, but I notice he doesn’t.

“Wanna go get some ice cream?”

“Look who’s avoiding things now?” We both laugh. “Come on. Ice cream sounds perfect.”